Hi.
a
Looking for some commaraderie, relating, maybe a kick in the pants…ha
Am 51, type 1 for 46 years. Finally landed in the hospital with DKA last month. Control had been lacking for a while, i’ll own that.
My A1c was 14 i think
Am starting over, there is a lot i have not learned in the past years.
I am making a good start at it, but completely overwhelmed at the 24/7 aspect. At least when i didn’t take care of myself, i could take a break from anything but my pump…not smart, i know
i feel like i have failed for sooo long. Changing habits is hard…and even when i follow instruction perfectly numbers can be like roullette.
Is so easy to quit. have made a start, am terrified of falling back.
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I can relate. Luckily, I’ve never had an A1C over 9, but I had some rough years when I never tested my blood and set my basal rates on my pump super high and just ate to keep up with them (because I hated bolusing). During those years my blood sugar could get in the 400s and I felt normal! Those were my highschool and early college years.
Now I am a mom and I got much better at taking care of myself when I got pregnant. My son was my motivation to start managing my diabetes the way I’m supposed to.
Getting into the swing of diabetes care is hard and it feels so easy to quit and go back to ignoring the disease and having that If-I-feel-ok-and-i’m-not-throwing-up-then-I-don’t-care-what-my-blood-sugar-is mindset. The most frustrating part is when you work REALLY hard trying to manage the disease and yet you can’t prevent yourself from going high and/or low everyday. Lately I’ve been unable to go a full 24 hours without going into the low 200s and it feels like I’m “failing” … but then I remember tomorrow is a new day and another shot at getting better at managing diabetes. Even just typing that sentence makes me smile, because there were years when I was never under 200! Now I am surprised and disappointed when I’m over 200!
To be honest, having it under control makes me feel much better. I never realized how terrible I felt when I didn’t have my diabetes under control. After I got better at managing myself, I thrived on having more energy, eating healthier meals, and even just getting an “I’m proud of you” from family members.
T1D sucks beyond belief. I can’t think of another disease that relies so much on MATH! I hated math in school! I would’ve been a straight A student in school if it wasn’t for the repeated C- I got in math class!
I guess what I’m trying to say is: welcome to the community. You’ve come to the right place. I joined the community last month and I love reading about other people’s lives and remembering that I’m not the only one on this roller coaster! Sooooo many people here that I can relate to! Please know that you’re not alone!
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Hey @Val, welcome to TypeOneNation. 53 with 40 years of experience here. I did the negligence thing for decades and then made the change too. There are a lot of us “reborn type 1s” here, I think that pretty common to go through it for some amount of time anyway.
I don’t think of it as “for the rest of my life 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, 3600 seconds per hour” or I’d jump out a window. A wise lady told me to think about it as “one day at a time” or “just for today”. The difference is that there will be times when I either fail or f@$# up, and so I can always just start again.
Glad to hear it. It is never late to make a positive change. Go easy on yourself and consider relearning some basics. After 21 years of T1 I got myself a CDE and started over. The big difference was I found one willing to listen and willing to bend a therapy around my life, rather than requiring me to bend my life around this diabetes crap.
Much luck. We’ve been there. Hope to hear from you.
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Wow, reading the replies…i’m sitting here amazed! So many of my naughty-diabetic secrets arent mine only.
and it hasn’t been that many days, but i DO feel better, am usually hungry but getting used to it. One day at a time seems a good plan, thank you.
Had to laugh about the math aspect, i too did fairly well in school, except for math. Wish i could go back and do my childhood/teens with good numbers.
That feeling of “failing” scares me…in so many things i traditionally get frustrated and toss in the towel. Am kind of hoping building relationships with other type 1’s (who even know how if feel!!!) might help me.
A number of years ago, i had a spell where i did do pretty good, coincidentally i had an alliance with an older, crass, smart alect male, with a heart of gold. He got me and was critical to my support. My hubby adn i visited him out west briefly, felt like i’d known him my whole life. Sadly he passed a while ago. Find mysef focussing on not having him, instead of looking for what i CAN have, what is in front of me.
Done rambling, tho i think getting this out is gonna help
thanks
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Hi @Val, welcome to the TypeOneNation Forum. I hope you can find people here who will share their experiences about diabetes; contact with people who have lived with diabetes is a blessing. I know I got my monthly “boost” yesterday at a local JDRF Chapter meeting, and two weeks ago I “worked” as greeter for a JDRF “OneWalk” event - awesome! .
JDRF Chapters can be found by clicking the “Events” tab at the top of this page and then selecting “JDRF Near You”; here is a link: Wisconsin JDRF Diabetes Chapter Support
Continue posting here and you may meet “friends”; message me anytime.
Thanks! I will check out the “events” and “JDRF” ner me". I love the idea of being with others who “get it” 
I feel like a sponge wanting to absorb the support, any support. Have fought/denied being D most of my life, i need not to do that now. DKA was a kick in the pants.
Am frustrated, overwhelmed, yet today, still a tiny bit hopeful
Hey @Val - you know we all have bad times dealing and living with this disease. The good news is though you’re still alive and fighting, or your fighting spirit will come back soon enough. Don’t ever feel like you’ve done wrong or feel guilty, we’re all human you know. Have a good week.
I can’t encourage you enough to listen to the Juicebox podcast. I would start with Episode 210 and go through all the ones listed as “diabetes pro tip” then go back and listen to others.
Scott has a great way of helping you understand the mechanics and management strategies that have been super helpful for us. Most episodes have someone on telling their story, so there is encouragement hearing about someone else’s journey, especially when there are similarities.
My daughter has been diagnosed for less than 5 months and feel like we are years ahead in experience because of the podcast. Our first A1C was a few weeks ago and it was 5.4 on MDI! I have been sharing what we learn with a friend who has been T1 for 15 years and they are making great progress and have a new way of approaching this disease.
Probably sounding like a broken record on this site but I would get on the 670g closed loop system so much of the work is done for you. My daughter’s a1c is down to 6 for the first time EVER. There is also a new product you may want to check out, Eversense. It is an implantable CGM that you only change 4 times a year. Maybe you need a pump break and this is the answer. Personally for you I thing the closed loop might help you stay in range the best for now until you’re feeling better and have your a1c back to a healthy range.
Hi Val I realize this is an old post, but I figured I would write and ask how you’re making out. I’ve been T1 for about 44 years now and for the most part I try not to think about things like this too much. I currently try to do the best I can and sometimes I fail but I go forward and adjust what I can to get back in range . Some of my worst failures have made some interesting stories which I won’t write to save space… Just have to go forward, one foot in front of the other… keep active on this forum it will sometimes help by seeing what some of us do to keep going.
Mike