Ok This is like the first poem I've wrote about diabetes so go easy on me.
Diabetes
It isn't a walk in the park
Sometimes it feels like I'm in the dark
All alone and scared
But I knew everyone cared
They helped me out
Instead of shutting me out
I check my sugar many times a day
And sometimes I can't come out to play
But don't treat me differently because I have an incurable disease
Treat me the same pretty please!
Hi Brittany,
I love your first poem, so I hope you don't mind my suggesting a few possible revisions.
Here's my version pf your poem:
DIABETES
by Brittany
It isn't a walk in the park
Sometimes it feels like I'm in the dark.
I check my sugar many times a day
Too high or too low, I can't play.
All alone, unhappy and scared
I'm grateful to everyone who cared.
Thank you guys for helping me out
Instead of blindly shutting me out.
So what if diabetes is an incurable disease
Just treat me the same. Pretty please,
...With sugar on top! (Hehe).
Wow!!! I think I like your version of my own poem better!! lol.
Oh... I just tweaked it a bit. It's YOUR great poem.
(We make a good team... huh?)
Yeah. lol. I have another one!!!! lol. I don't have a name for it though.
The little girl lay in bed
trying to figure it out in her head.
She was tired and scared
and felt that no one cared.
All alone in the hospital room
she felt everything in her life had gone up in a plume.
The nurse peeked around the door
and said that she needed some more.
From her finger she squeezed some blood
and she gently gave the girl a hug.
That night she slowly drifted to sleep
and the nurse didn't say another peep.
For the girl was very tired and scared
and finally knew that someone cared.
This poem is a little personal to me. Well because it's about me. I don't think it's too great but my mom wanted me to post it one here. She doesn't know it was about me though.
Hi Brittany,
This poem touches on the feelings ALL of us have had when we were alone, scared and unable to fall asleep away from home in a hospital room. The night can be SO long, SO frightening and SO depressing. Personally, I was hospitalized for OVER A WEEK when I was first diagnosed with Type 1 39 years ago at the age of 17. My next hospital experience was in 1988 when I suffered a near fatal car accident from which I was in Intensive Care for almost two weeks and in the hospital in total for over a month. Then in 2000, I was again hospitalized for over a week when I had quintuple bypass heart surgery following my heart attack. So, I've spent a lot of time in the hospital.
You nailed it right on the head when you tell in your poem how "the girl" (you) was comforted by the compassionate and caring nurse who stuck her finger and then gave her a hug. Only then could she drift off to sleep. I owe so much thanks to the amazing and wonderful nurses who took care of me during each of my hospitalizations. Doctors may have the brains... but nurses have the hearts. We should all take some time out to thank and bless the wonderful nurses of the world.
Your so right. I think the nurses have more feeling and to me they are more helpful than the doctors. Wow I've only been in the hospial once and that was it. I was only in the hospital for two days. Luckily we caught my daibetes early. I wasn't sick or anything I was just thirsty all the time. That was pretty much it. The nurse I had was so nice. I liked her alot and I liked pretty much everyone that worked there.