okay so as you know i am 17 have a beautiful daughter,,and up until August 15, 2010 the day before mi daughters 6 months birthday i had a fiance. well he left me. and now i am doing it all on mi own even more than before i mean he really didn't help when he was around, but now i have no one to help me when i need a hand or just someone to talk to when things get overwhelming. i am now 17 and a SINGLE MOM!!! i mean ahhhh i don't get how people can be a unemployed single mom of an infant or child. but now i have to focus on mi senior year and do this all more on mi own. i may have to drop out until she gets older then go back, og get mi GED and not go back, because mi daughter comes before everything and i need to get a job so i can take care of her. WTF am i supposed to do now? he left me because i wasn't sexual enough for him!! DUDE I AM SORRY THAT I AM A 17 YEAR OLD MOM AND I DO IT ALL ON MI OWN BECAUSE YOU WONT GET OFF YOU'RE LAZY A** TO EVEN CHANGE A DIPER!!!!!! wow so ya he already has a new lil nasty gf and she's pregnant he's only been there for a lil over a month i mean WTF!!!!!
i don't have any Gems of advice, but I wanted you to know that I am sorry you have the weight of the world on you. Your daughter is about the same age as my little boy. Sometimes things happen for a reason, maybe he would have hurt you or your daughter if he stayed. Kids need 1 sane parent. I wish you the best of luck.
That's so tough Jessarae. Being a mom is a lot of work and harder when you're doing it alone. But you can do this. I was a mom for the first time right after my 18th birthday. A lot of people said I couldn't do it, so naturally I had to prove them wrong! I can tell you love your baby so much, as I did, so you will be a great mom.
As far as school, just do your best. I ended up taking what they called a "proficiency" exam and received my HS diploma early. Maybe something like that, or an at home charter school would be an option? I wanted to go to college right away, but that didn't happen. However, I eventually did go back and got a bachelors degree and MBA in my late 30's.
As far as the guy, it sounds like you're better off now. You don't need a man who doesn't give you respect and isn't willing to be a real dad.
my mom is single mom & do a allsome job.
As the daughter of a single mother, I feel I should tell you that you can do this. It's gonna be hard and there's gonna be times that you want to give up, but you'll get through it. One of the greatest life lessons I learned from my mom, having watched the ups and downs of being a single mom, was that no matter what life tosses you...you gotta be strong and take it all with your head held high. I truely think if this hadn't been our life, I wouldn't be the same individual i am today.
You should continue with your schooling so that you can better provide for your daughter and yourself down the road. Are you able to move in with your parents (or are you currently living with them?) and have them help you with babysitting when you need to do homework, etc? Does your school have a daycare program where you can leave her while you attend classes? (My highschool was the only one in the city that actually had a daycare center attached to the building! We had a number of teen parents and young adults who came back to get their highschool.)
I don't know what it's like in the states, but there's a program in Canada (or at least BC) where students who cannot live with their parents for whatever reason, are given money to help them pay for rent and food while they finish their highschool diploma; I would suggest contacting your highschool before school starts to find out what your options are. It gets cut-off when you're 18 (I believe, it might be 19) but it would be an option to look into if it is available. I would also call your local city hall to find out if your state has a program that will subsidize daycare, so that you can work and go to school.
Unfortunately, some guys are just not able to step-up to their responsibility and often blame the woman they are with. Hopefully one day he'll step-up and do the right thing, but until then you need to forget about him and take care of what is important: you and your daughter. If he wants to run around getting girls pregnant, that's not YOUR problem.
I know a lot of single moms who got pregnant at 17 or 18 and were in the same situation...with the father for a period of time, before things fell apart. One of them even got married to the dad when their son was a year old, after 4years of dating, only to divorce a year later! My other friend ended up breaking up with her boyfriend when their son was under a year old, and she know raises him on her own with full custody, and attended college full-time. They and many other single moms who were teenage moms, have made it through. You need to find a support system(parents, friends, etc) but you also need to believe in yourself and your ability to do this.
You CAN do this :)
I'm so sorry that you're in such a tough situation. :(
Honestly, if your guy did nothing when he was around, then you're probably better off without him. I'd file for child support (he doesn't get to abandon his responsibilies entirely!), and otherwise say goodbye. Even if you think he won't pay the support, or if you think it'll be very little money, file for it. The government might garnish his wages for you, at some point.
As for school and job, do what you have to do but make sure you get that high school diploma or GED. You'll qualify for so many more jobs, which will help you support your daughter better. I can't fully understand your situation, because I'm not in it, but consider staying in school and finishing that diploma this year as long as you and your daughter have food, clothing, medical care, and a roof over your heads (are you living with parents?). That's ultimately all you need, on the short-term. Even if you don't think you can stick it out for the entire year, then try for the first semester. The more you finish now, the less time it will take you when you go back to school. You might also want to talk to a counselor or vice principal about alternative programs designed for single parents or other people who have a hard time sticking with the traditional high school schedule (cities usually have something like this, and some larger towns might). Look at community colleges for this, too. Sometimes, there are amazing programs you don't even know about. I worked at a community college that had a program designed specifically for single parents wanting to earn business certificates as quickly as possible. And there was a program where you could earn your high school diploma simply by taking college classes that would count toward the degree or certificate you're trying to earn anyway. Pretty cool stuff. (Just pointing out that you don't have to go the traditional educational routes!)
As someone else said, you can do this. It'll be hard, and you may have to make some unhappy decisions, but you and your daughter will get through it. You clearly love your daughter and want the best for her, which already gives you a major leg up in the Good Parent department. Whenever you can, come on here and talk to us when things start to seem too tough. It's not the same as having a caring partner in your life, but believe me, we care and will listen.
Thank you. and he did hurt me so i know it's best that he is gone. it's just hard i'm still young he was mi first and the first person to ever "acually care" or wel at least i thought he did. and you are very right kids do need a sane parent. i know what it's like to grow up with no father i have 6 brothers and sisters and mi mom raised us all on her won since she was 25 because mi dad died. but thank you so much. i need the luck.
ya i'm 17 and have a 6 month old. mi mom raised 7 kids from age 25 as a single mom. so i know how hard it is and i wanted to give mi baby a mother and father i contiplated adoption when i found out i was pregnant because i was affraid i couldn't provide for her, but i can, just not a father. i feel horrible that i can't give her that but at least i can give her everything else i love mi baby more than anything. and as far as mi education goes i just got approved for early graduation in mid January.
Thank you all so much for the support. it makes me happy that there are people out there that somewhat understand mi situation.