I actually just feel like diabetes gets ahead of me sometimes... As in, at this time... Blood sugars trend upward, and stick there; meanwhile I run around chasing them with syringes and temp basals but they're untouchable.
There's the moments where I just throw my hands into the air a tiny bit and for a couple of minutes, convince myself that I don't care. But the apathy isn't how I actually feel. So I force myself back into routine and then some, going through the expected (required) motions of the ketone tests and extra blood sugar checks.
But sometimes, the "good" numbers just seem to have gotten an inch too far ahead of me and, as many of the correct procedures as I follow, I cannot seem to tackle things or get the blood sugars that should be popping up on the meter. It's such a mental stressor. Doing the right things and getting the wrong results is endlessly frustrating. It stirs up such a feeling of failure. And it's not even that this is a phase of "burn out" - been there, done that. I do care about what's going on. It's more a phase of, honestly, just failure...
How the heck do you all catch up with things like this?? How do you tackle those blood sugars that won't budge?? And for that matter, how the heck do you get on top of feeling terrible for doing such a terrible job??
Having diabetes is a full time job. I am sure every single person on this forum at one point or another has felt the exact same way as you. I know for a fact I have! Many times!!! I have felt like a failure for years. Especially, right before I found out I was pregnant. I was trying to get my a1c into baby range for 4 years and every single a1c test I came up short of that number. What a kick to the face right? All I did was try but, nothing was good enough. Talk about feeling like a failure! I doing my best but my blood sugars had a different idea...I found that the more I stressed out about my a1c the worse my numbers became. The stress was taking over. Even though I was doing everything right that was the main reason the numbers would not budge. I didn't know it at the time of course. But, that was definitely the culprit.
So the best advice I can give to you is... Correct your "wrong" blood sugar and move on from it. Do the best that you can right now, in this moment. You are not a failure, you are trying the best that you can with a disease that is completely unpredictable and extremely frustrating.
Alyssa - I thought that was you. Glad to see you're back. It has been quite awhile :)
With diabetes it's important to remember that YOU are not failing. Your body has failed along the line and we, as people with diabetes, are forced to imperfectly mimic a once perfect moment. As Gina said, all we can do is manage the here and now. Take the information you're given, treat, and move on. As you said, stress can cause our blood sugars to rise which then makes it just that much harder to try to manage them.
Failure is in our view of the situation, not in our actions. "There is no failure except in no longer trying." Dust yourself off and try again, Alyssa. I know you're very capable of doing this.