Eating badly and not accounting for it

Hello, I’m new to type one nation.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 later in life - in my late 20’s - and given the diagnosis of “latent autoimmune diabetes of adulthood.” This was about 9 years ago.
I am scared because I have only been able to manage myself well only 18 months out of those 9 years, and that was when I was pregnant with my daughter and breastfeeding afterward (2016-2017). I am now out of control again with an A1C of 14%.
I’ve always had problems with regulating my eating, even before I became diabetic, and it’s become so much worse now that my sugars are out of control. I am of a healthy weight, but I feel that it’s so easy for me to gain weight well beyond my pre-diabetes weight when I take insulin, and this really bothers me. I have reasoned that the only way around not gaining too much weight and still keeping my blood sugars in healthy range is to limit my carb intake and use less insulin, so I do have an ideal amount of carbs that I’d like to eat during the day, and an ideal amount of insulin to use. I never meet my idealistic goals, and I stress and binge eat. Terrible foods as well - sweets every day. When I binge eat, I feel guilty and I do not want to account for it and do not bolus for all of those carbs I took in.
I need help and am open to suggestions, especially from others who have had this problem before. I feel like the only thing that can get me back on track is being pregnant every year of my life, and that’s absurd. Or living on a diabetes commune of sorts for 6 months where I can eat healthy, exercise daily, and be watched constantly so that I can maintain healthy habits most of the time. Also unrealistic.
I’m worried I’ll be losing all of my body parts and function if I keep going down this route
Has anyone had this problem of binge eating, not bolusing, body image disorder, and successfully getting out of it? I would greatly appreciate hearing from you, or anyone!!!
Thank you.

A Warm Welcome to TypeOneNation Mabel @mmsanqui! - I see you joined about two hours ago.

Although I cant relate to everything you are experiencing, I can certainly say I’ve been through much of what you’re experiencing during my 60+ years living with diabetes. Insulin tends to knock weight off me now although my current insulin usage is about 1/3 of what it was several years ago - I eat between 200 and 225 grams of carbohydrate most days.
Just a question you may want to ask yourself: how did you manage diabetes so well for the successful birth and breastfeeding your daughter? Yes, motivation. You had set a goal for yourself then, so maybe you could do that [no, not necessarily another child] again. Diabetes management is not something that we catch overnight - it takes a while and is acquired little bits at a time. A start could be your binge eating [I did this when I experienced relationship frustration] - maybe figure out your “why”. But before that, see if when you do your grocery shopping that fewer / less carb laden foods are in your cart; the less around to eat the less likely you will stuff yourself.

I smiled at your “six months at a diabetes commune” - that would be interesting, let me know. What you might learn at a diabetes commune or camp is that “good” diabetes management is that balance between activity, food and insulin. I don’t eat the same every day and certainly my activity varies so for me the “controller” is insulin - I try to keep from taking too much insulin that would force me to eat more so when in question I take a little less than my calculations indicate and correct later if I go too high; frequent finger-sticks of glances at glucose monitor can also serve as a restraint.

Motivation can help, and I’m guessing because you just joined here that something has given you a little push. Keep sharing and remember that YOU can do it!

I have had three really great doctors during my 60+ years of T1 diabetes. My two suggestions for your request for help are from my first two doctors. I too was sneaking extra food from the pantry. My mother told this to my doc at one of my appointments. He did not respond so she told him again a bit louder. Again, he did not respond. The third time was a bit louder and Doc Owen responded: “Each time you sneak a few crackers tell yourself ‘I shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t be doing this, with each chew’.” No fuss, no pressure; just a positive action to take. After a few days/weeks I had a new habit that has lasted for the last sixty years.

 I did the 'commune' idea with my second doc by volunteering at his Diabetes camp during the summer.  Doc James encouraged many of his patients to help during his summer at Camp Hickory Hill in Missouri.  All the campers were type one diabetic and all of the staff were also type one diabetic.  Those of us on the staff had experiences to tell and all the campers had the same stories of challenges.  The most successful ideas were the support to build good habits.  It takes about twenty days to establish a new, hopefully good, habit.  Each summer camp of twenty days did just that for me.  Doc James was also a type one diabetic.  Every one supported, fussed at, encouraged, and reacted with everyone else.  Are there opportunities like my any where near you?

Hi Mabel, That doesn’t sound good. Would you consider attending a 12-step program? They have ones for people with eating disorders and it is called OA-overeaters anonymous. You can search online for something in your area. Best of luck to you and you can get better!

I have had type 1 for 54 years and it’s hard. there are days when I control it without thinking and other days when everything is an ordeal…unexplained highs or lows. the newer insulins make it easier for me and if you are able to get some exercise the insulin works more efficiently. also, I know how much better I feel when my blood sugars are NORMAL. Hang in there.