I was diagnosed with DT1 20 years ago…Life has been really & always that hard struggle for me. It wasn’t only for diabetes problems coping with ups & downs & that uncontrollable moody swing. Progressing life issues complicate that matter endlessly. Since my illness onset, I took a self decision not to let my illness be an excuse for any failure. I was always unfortunately that clever and hard working. I burnt myself out in every educational level in my life & I created myself more kind of stress than not just a normal person can hardly bare for life age. Every moment I felt illness was an obstacle in getting the highest positions & grades loaded me more. Getting into study with that great ambitions was always a cause of feeling down though it was so many times my biggest pride when I got high ranks. Getting into exams with ups & downs & with that intolerable stress & depression used to make me cry, loose my self confidence, fear about my failure. I spoke hundreds to myself that I should work more hard & tolerate that negativity so that one day I will see the result of my success, feel proud about myself and finally get that sigh of relief but these were all dreams!! Relief never was a matter of my life…Stress is always there in every aspect, in health, in family, in study, in work I got used to it but I got consumed & burnt out too. I never felt that positive emotions I once dreamt off… After 14 years of struggling with diabetes & educational goals in schools, I got that high rank in high school and I made that choice of joining medical school though I feared greatly but my family’s ambitions and their long dating dream to see me a doctor lead me to take that long stressful hard path and to tolerate more than what myself & my health can afford. In medical college I passed more than 6 years & they were never free from lengthy periods of stresses and depression. At the beginning I was doing well and worked that hard with that high self esteem even during those hard times. Then, life problems hurt my feelings soon after concerning: family bad interaction & sometimes neglect for my needs & ambitions, besides some critical life problems arouse in my family that attracted always their attention far away from me, breakups with so many friends & relationships, Long periods of anxiety & obsessions with my illness and bad complications expectations, hard neuropathic pain sufferings & eventually I lost hope & trust with everyone in family, college & even with myself…I lost my self confidence, felt hesitate, indifferent all the times about critical decisions and I frequently had a sort of failure and grades drop. Near the end of that hard path I recharged myself & soul with some positive energy to finally reach that far dream of being graduated and being a good doctor. I neglected about every depressing life issue and concentrate the best I could to improve my grades and feel my success and I finally achieved after being consumed and having my soul expired :(…Seeing my success after 20 years of hard study, threatening goals and struggling with illness brought myself pride but it has never brought my self confidence & hope again. Stress and Diabetes has been working upon me all the time destroying my health and self esteem. Here comes the start of my career as a doctor and I really feel burnt out and unable though keen to afford my study and career more…It was that long suffering stress creating trip that stress had never been at an end…Today I need to work more, study more and train more to be a good doctor which wasn’t and will never be such easy. Stress is always there, long work shifts that my last for 24 hours, upcoming emergencies, Lack of rest & power too…I feel like lost in my career & life too…I really need help
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Balancing your career and diabetes sounds really difficult for you and I think maybe talking about it with your endocrinologist along with a therapist could probably be beneficial. But, I am sure it would be hard for you to do that with such a crazy schedule. Is a different career path out of the question ? The stress will only get worse for you once you start your residency.
First,thanks & welcome friend the problem that really complicates that matter that I have spent too much of my effort, my knowledge and dreams in that field & I am still that ready to give more though it so much influenced me negatively in so many aspects especially family,psychology & health. I wish I could really achieve my goal, be that good successful doctor caring and helping sick people especially the suffering & the poor otherwise I ll feel that I have spent my life upon nothing & that my study was useless as well as my life. I hope that one day I ll come to reach that point of satisfaction & relief too. I know I should talk with a therapist & I did it a lot but this was really useless because I hardly can follow their health & stress relief instructions. I feel always this something out of my will & out of my control. May be my fault was my choice for always taking that difficult, challenging life track where stress is here & there. May be my problem started when I felt early that having diabetes should not bring any obstacles upon my life.I thought once that I should lead life normally with no restrictions like how healthy people do but I realized that It was really impossible & that I was really mistaken against myself when it was too late. I just have to go on the track I once chose, get support once I can & try to keep more peace with myself when possible.
Your diabetes isn’t the problem.
Depression, anxiety and/or OCD can make you feel like your life is impossible. You also may be burned out with school. I don’t know what you are dealing with.
You need to determine what will make the situation better. Start with getting decent sleep and taking care of your diabetes. That won’t fix everything, but it won’t hurt. You need to deal with your depression, anxiety and/or OCD. Most people do that with behavioral therapy, medication or both. Conditions like this often run in families. Is there anyone else you know who’s dealt with it who can give you advice? Go online, read books, seek solutions. There is tons of information available but you will have to seek it out. The cool thing is it will help you be a great doctor someday.
Maybe you need to consider taking a break from school. Think about why you want to be a doctor. If need be, talk to your program advisor.
Frankly, I’ve never found therapy to be especially useful unless it is goal oriented. Since I became a Christian about a decade ago, the theories of psychology are silly for the most part to me. I believe in God. When I take my problems to him, he helps me. Life isn’t automatically easy, but there is always hope and I am here for a plan and a purpose. You are too Heba.
If I can do anything to help you, let me know.