Continued worry about my future

I go through these cycles like right now, where my sugars go high they go low and I feel like shit. I feel bad physically and emotionally and worry about my long term health. I am also so frustrated always hearing how having diabetes makes things so much worse. Ex: I had a white mark on my toenail, googled it and of course, instead of it just being something normal, i read how it can turn into ulcers and cellulitis of the toe/ leg if diabetic which naturally upsets me and my emotions spiral. I have two little kids and I want to live a long happy and healthy life and feel like I am not doing my best right now. Thanks for reading-

@Mlp1124 hi Michelle,

a person who fears suffering is already suffering from what they fear, put another way, I know of non-diabetics that were struck by cement mixers on their way to the gym to work on their perfect abs.

It is a given that we are all gonna die. diabetes doesn’t guarantee what will happen to you, it does guarantee that it’ll suck just a little bit more - that’s the point i can’t argue with you on.

The biggest part of my on and off depression is I couldn’t make peace with the idea of my ultimate embarrassment: that I got sick. I looked at others (now even more pervasive with the Facebook Effect), and I hated them for being so great. Most of all, I hated myself and parts of my body for letting me down, for failing and for “ruining my life”.

turns out, I was ruining my life, no one else, not diabetes, … just me.

please forgive me for saying this, it might be true, it might not. Please work on your self-esteem any way that you can; self help books, self-help groups, or therapy. If you can’t look in a mirror and say “I love you” to whoever is looking back it means you got self esteem issues.

If you get the idea that you deserve to be happy, and that you are worth it, then you won’t take care of your sugar for your kids or for your parents… .or for anyone else, rather you’ll take care of yourself because you are worth it and you deserve it.

your kids watch everything you do. You are the role model for what to do in good times and adversity. if you roll over and give up on this you will teach them a life-long lesson. If you take care of yourself, the best you can and don’t place the blame of not taking care of yourself on things you cannot control, THAT will also teach them a life lesson. You do get to pick which lesson to give.

I’m no genius, I am not super-human. so if I can do it then so can you. Acceptance is the end-game of grief. Then you can move on. if it makes any difference to you I am rooting for you because I know you can do it.

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Hi Michelle @Mlp1124, I’ll add just a little thought - but first I’ll admit that I do not have a white spot on my toenail or cellulitis. My thought:

The internet is really a wonderful development and I’ve used it extensively over the years. I began my internet experience long before the advent of “www.” and had convoluted email addresses years before “.com” was even a dream.

As I said, the internet is an excellent tool and also a horrible device - especially for those of us trying to self-diagnose. Keep in mind also, that the medical diagnoses offered are broad, non-specific, often scary, and are for the 99.6% of the population that does NOT have autoimmune diabetes [T1D]. My suggestion, make an entry in your notebook of any and all observations about your body and how you feel and discuss those observations when next you see your doctor.

I’m in my 7th decade living with diabetes and I do not expect that I will die because of diabetes; I expect that something else, some other cause will have the honor of taking me.

And that said, I’ll add that I do monitor and manage my diabetes carefully - managing living my life and diabetes so I’m able to live a full, active and rewarding life.

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We all go through the ups and downs, it’s the sucking part of diabetes. Here are some things that have helped me live to be 72 (so far :slightly_smiling_face:) as a T1D:

  • Work with an endocrinologist and a dietitian to manage your diabetes as good as possible.
  • Learn to be satisfied with “as good as possible.”
  • Make use of the best technology you can afford. Pumps, CGM, etc., are a big help.
  • Exercise almost every day. Walking is great.
  • Find something you love to do, and keep doing it. You don’t have to stop because of diabetes.

And it sounds like, if possible, you need to lean on your doctor instead of the Internet.


Thank you all so much for the kind, insightful and motivating advice and words. I just dislike the ups and downs and inconsistencies diabetes has to offer. I struggle with being hypercritical of myself and the inconsistencies make me feel like a failure. The highs make me feel like I’m damaging my body and the lows drain my mind, body and brain. I will continue to do my best and lean more on my doctors versus the internet. Thanks again-

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Good morning Michelle-
My only advice to you would be to stay off of WebMD and other such sites.
I spent a lot of healthy years (pre T1 diagnosis) with little aches and pains and body oddities that would pop up and my first inclination was to hit up WebMD. Do you know how many of those little aches and pains and body oddities pointed to some form of cancer or a slow, debilitating agonizing death? Pretty much all of them! According to the internet, I’ve beaten death on numerous occasions.

I think the best advice I ever got from a MD was the day I was diagnosed with T1D. He told me to go on WebMD and read up on all the horrible things diabetes can do to you. Take my time and absorb all of it. Then he told me to NEVER go onto Web MD again.

“the bad stuff isn’t gonna change. They wont be releasing a 2.0 version of the updated Bad Stuff List.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet but headaches aren’t always brain tumors. I haven’t been on WebMD or related sites in well over two years. Now I just need to get my wife on the same plan.

Hello Michelle, my diagnosis was made in 1945, when I was 6. I did not have a meter for testing blood sugar for my first 40 years, and I did not have rapid acting insulin until the mid 1990’s. Now I have been type 1 for 73 years, and I do not have any serious complications. I do have some neuropathy in my feet and legs, with some numbness, but no pain. If you are worried about complications with your feet, you should see a podiatrist each year. I do that, and my feet are in good shape.
Good luck to you in the years ahead!!


If you don’t mind me asking… how did you manage your diabetes for all those years?

Michelle Pacione

Michelle, For my first 40 years I had to go by the way I felt. I could feel lows easily, since my blood sugar was usually high. My doctor confirmed that I had high blood sugar during the day, unless I had too much exercise. Mt first glucose meter was bought in the mid 1980s. My testing at home showed very high numbers, but they were not usually high enough to cause DKA. I have never been to a hospital with DKA. I learned about carbs in 1988, and I started eating less food with fast acting carbs. I had rapid acting insulin in the mid 1990’s, and with that and carb counting my A1c’s were so much better. My A1c’s have been in the 5.4-6.4 range for almost 20 years.
I hope you are counting carbs, you have determined your insulin sensitivity, and your best insulin to carb ratio for bolusing.

Michelle, been there done that and I am an old woman now, having raised my two daughters succesfully and enjoying my two grandkids now , girl 12, boy 10. Do I have any regrets? You bet — the years a sweated every little thing, the minutiae that poisoned those wonderful years I had with my daughters, worrying about every little health event that I thought could destroy our lives. The only destruction was what I wrought daily worrying what could be, might be.
This may be easier to say than do — but I wish someone had told me to 1) take care of myself — get trusted medical advice – then let it go~ 2) Live to the fullest every day. Think about this!
Best wishes – I hope this helps with the quality of your life!

Thanks so much and so happy you’re able to enjoy you’re beautiful grandchildren. I appreciate the wise words and that is why I search for… people who have been there done it etc. my biggest weakness in life is my anxiety and CONSTANT stress and worry about what if and what might be. I will take your advice seriously. Thank you-

Half my life, 32 years as T1D. After first 5 years I started ignoring fingersticks for several months and ended up in hospital for Hyperglycemia. Started paying better attention to myself. Then in effort to bring A1C below 7.8 I ended up with many Hypo incidents. Finally accepted CGM 6 years ago and am happy with A1C of 6.8. Disappointed with Highs and Lows but no longer allow frustration to upset me. Lows are readily treated with OJ or sweets I otherwise avoid/miss and Highs are easily treated with insulin pen.
Life is not always pleasant, stuff happens, the key is how you deal with problems. Take positive corrective action, don’t fret about it or you can create additional problems.

Hi Michelle
I’ve been a T1 diabetic since 1976, and as far as I’ve seen we all go through periods like you’re describing. Just got to keep going. Diabetes affects most parts of my life, from my eating to my exercise periods. For me I try to keep a regular schedule with my eating and cheating (moderate). With that I can compensate with insulin and or exercise. With that a lot of the things like finger sticks and other things go into the background and less thought about them. Just deal with the medical problems as they come up quickly so they don’t go from bad to worse. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. Just make sure you see doctors that will talk and listen to you regularly. (Endocrinologist, ophthalmologist, podiatrist, etc.) Just keep in mind you’re only human and you will make mistakes and have problems from time time to time. Deal with them, get healthy and keep moving.