Hi! Do you all have days that you just feel so sad/upset/mad about diabetes?
I feel like I have just hit a wall last night & today. Benjamin was diagnosed 2 months ago & I think I have been in survival mode. I have been so focused on learning how to handle everything, but I haven't emotionally processed this yet. Does that make sense? I think the forever aspect & the not fairness of it is hitting a lot harder now than it did a few months ago.
Last night before I went to bed I went to check Benjamin just like always (he had been sleeping for 3 hours), again he was low & I had to wake him up to drink juice. He was upset & crying because he didn't want to wake up & I'm sure felt horrible because of his low number. Then it took forever to help him get back to sleep. I just felt so angry that he has to go through this over & over. No 18 month old (or anyone for that matter) should have to be woken up at night to be poked & forced to drink something they don't want to :(.
It's just been a tough 24 hours for me. All day I just keep thinking about how crappy this is for him & crying!
I am also having a pitty party for myself. No one else knows how (or has offered to learn) to care for him (except my hubby who knows the basics) so I can never get away. I love Benjamin to death, but I have not been apart from him more than 1-2 hrs twice since his diagnosis & I'm going a little crazy!
Anyhow...thanks for listening. I feel the need to vent a little & my real life friends just don't "get it" you know. Having a toddler with ear infections that you have to give antibiotics to for 2 weeks is NOT the same as having a toddler with diabetes. OK, enough whining for tonight {grin}.
I know what you mean. Once you get adjusted to the new routine with diabetes in the picture, it takes more time to emotionally adjust and understand that it's a lifelong disease, not just a curable, though bothersome, illness. We all have bad days were we want to give up but know that we can't because of the toll it would take on our bodies. It's impossible to compare life without diabetes to life with it - I've found that thinking about how bad I would feel if I didn't try to manage everything has helped me to persevere no matter what. Finding the little things that remind you that Benjamin is still pretty much a normal toddler might help. I don't know if this is a reasonable suggestion, but maybe there is a babysitter in your area that has diabetes or has first-hand experience dealing with it. Your local JDRF branch might have some suggestions. Good luck and stay strong - it will get easier for you and Benjamin, it just takes a time.
It's perfectly understandable that the emotional aspects would be hitting you harder a few months into the routine. Every once in awhile, I'll still have one of those I-hate-this/it's-not-fair/I-can't-belive-this-is-for-forever days. It really helps to vent to someone who "gets it" and then try your best to move on and focus on other things. Hugs to you while you're going through this. You are so strong for everything that you have already gone through and I hope that you'll be able to get at least a little time away soon.
P.S. I was reading your bio and we have some things in common! I'll be 30 this year, my daughter is 16 months old and I used to be a 4th grade teacher (now a SAHM) also!
My son was diagnosed when he was 12 months old. I know exactly how you feel. I still have days and nights when I cry for him. The worst part for me is that he can't just eat or just go to bed or just have a cold. It's never just anything because diabetes is always there.
I, too, am the only person who can fully care for my son and it is tiresome. My husband will check his sugar or give him insulin once in a while, but he hasn't bothered to learn to count carbs and he has no clue what Brandan's ins:carb ratios are, and wouldn't know what to do if he did. I have only spent a few hours at a time away from Brandan since his birth and that's only every few months. (Not counting the 2 nights in the hospital with the new baby.) Even when I'm not there, I'm in charge of his care. My mom and my husband are the only ones who will stay with him and they both have to call me for instructions. I really don't mind because it is a piece of mind, I guess, to know he's being cared for exactly the same as if I was there. When I find myself feeling really tired and wanting a day off, I remind myself that Brandan and I are in this together and he can't take a break at all.
Debbi, its normal and probably harder for you right now cause your little one is younger. Today Riley is going over to my sister in laws for a few hours to watch Twilight and new moon with her. I am scared because she doesnt know everything but Riley knows most everything. So I can breath a little easier. I really need to train my sister in law but I never have the time or have not lately. As for all you are feeling its normal. Go read my first couple of blogs on here I just let it all out in there. Its very over whelming in the beginning. Riley was just dxed 12-15-09 and all my grief came out around week 2. Its hard and it hurts us when we cant make it better for our kids. I just remind myself I am a mom not a pancreas I can only do so much for her.
we found out that our 5 yr old was type 1 a year ago tomorrow. For quite a few months I was in survival mode and I impressed even myself with how well i was handling it all. Then around November I started having a more difficult time emotionally and things really seemed to have sunk in. I have now moved back into acceptance mode, but I know it may not last.
I am not a parent but, I can totally relate to that stinks day. And "WE" meaning the people that have the diabetes can't do it without "YOU" the people that help us along the way. It is truly a family effort when someone is diagnosed. And we all need breaks sometimes that is for sure. Maybe you can express to your husband that you are feeling a bit overwhelmed lately and if he can help out a little bit more?
I know its probably easier said than done and you probably want to take care of your son every minute of the day to make sure he is healthy. I applaud you and every parent on juvenation because if it was the other way around and I had a child with diabetes I definitely don't know if i could do it.
I was diagnosed at 25 and my mom till this day gets upset and overwhelmed and wishes that I didn't have it. But, we all get through it as a family, its the only thing that keeps me going...The support from everyone around me.
Maybe this didn't exactly help what you originally wrote about venting but, I just want you to know that you the parents are appreciated. And I understand that even you guys need a break sometimes!! Although that probably won't ever happen because parents never take a break when it comes to their children!!
I too can relate to what you are feeling and all you described. My daughter was diagnosed in December and I didn't "break down" until January. You are in survival mode as you said and then one day, it hits you. All the what ifs, the new ways of doing things, never just running out anymore, the sip of juice that you can't just give them....it does seem so unfair for a child. I'm sorry you are going through this just as I'm sorry we all are. I hope that our children come out stronger adults from all of this. That is the one thing I hold on to. If she can do this, she can do anything.
Don't feel bad for feeling bad either. We have to let ourselves feel these emotions - to get mad, to have a pity party, to feel sorry for ourselves and our children...but then we have to get up, face reality and move forward. Then, in a month or two or however long, we can allow ourselves to feel bad again - but this time it will be shorter. And then we go on again. You wouldn't be human if you didn't allow yourself this.
I encourage you to find local mom's who children do have diabetes. Call JDRF and ask for a mentor. Try and find local support groups, call your endo and talk to them. They may have a mom in your area that they can give your info to and try to meet. GET SUPPORT. If you don't take care of yourself, then it will eventually catch up to you. You need to have people in your life who "get it". Good luck with it all and know you are not alone.
My son is 21 mo. old. He was diagnosed about 4 mo. ago and I can tell you it does get better, but then you will have downs again. My son does not communicate very well yet and it is really frustrating. He was sick for almost a month and that was the first time he began telling me yes or no, which helped me a great deal. A couple of weeks ago he had a low with the sitter and when she got the juice out, he clinched his mouth shut and closed his eyes.
Please contact me whenever you need anything! I know exactly how you feel. I told my husband, the only thing I wanted for Valentines Day was to be able to eat dinner and not count carbs or measure food out. I know that sounds silly, but it is the truth. Hopefully we will get that chance some day!
I have just found this site and have already learned so much. It helps to talk to people that have lived through it!