The Only Way?

So I've been diabetic since exactly a month after my 13th birthday, so this is only my 4th year. I had great sugars before this year and I even had a year and a half honeymoon. But this year I moved out of the house and into a boarding school that is basically college for nerds. Now my A1C is around 10...something I'm not proud of. But I find that when I eat, my blood sugar is already high and so I take 10 units of insulin no matter what I'm eating because it's hard to find low carb meals here. 

I am a huge social justice activist and so this year I organized and led a Planned Famine. It is basically a 24 hour fast. This year alone I did one with my youth group and the one that I led. My blood sugars were the best they've been all year when I wasn't eating. You don't have to tell me this is a stupid idea but I have thought about anorexia as a solution, but to be quite honest I love eating too much. Still, I feel like that's not something I should even be considering.

In the last like two days I have just woken up depressed because of diabetes. And I'm a freaking hypocrite too. When I was a junior counselor at Girl Scout camp there was this one diabetic girl whose sugars were out of control and I got to work especially with her. She altered my life so much. I said I go to a nerd boarding school, and that is no stretch. It is a special school for science and math and now I'm planning to go into pre med biochem and work on research in diabetes. So how can I say that's what I'm going to do and I'm doing this for Payton, when I suck at being diabetic myself. 

Diabetes is consuming my thoughts and I know I should test but I just don't want to. It's not because it hurts too much or it is too hard, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm glad I found this site because I don't like feeling so low, not blood sugar wise though.

Diabetes is hard. You don’t suck at it, you’re just going through a rough patch. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe come up with a plan to try to make some small improvements. If you can, test and bolus earlier so you can bring your bg down before you eat – that makes a huge difference for my daughter, especially in the morning. Just find small ways to do things that make you feel better about your diabetes.

High blood sugars will steal your energy and make you feel depressed.  Just know your feelings aren't reality.  The great thing about diabetes is that if you make a small change you see instant improvement in your blood sugars.

If you have health insurance, try an insulin pump.  With shots it's a lot harder to get decent control, but it doesn't sound like you're doing basic things (like correction boluses) to manage your blood sugar.

You're a smart person so apply your science skills to managing your blood sugar.  Read "Using Insulin" and "Think Like a Pancreas" and find ways to tweak your insulin timing to better suit your needs.Get a copy of the Calorie King book and count your carbohydrates and adjust your insulin to what you're eating.  Experiment and find carbs that are easier on your blood sugar.  Consider eating a low carb diet.  It will give you similar results as when you fasted, but is a realistic long term solution.  

Sometimes diabetes can be the biggest struggle, then for no reason you'll have an easy patch where things are suddenly easier.  Life is always changing and your diabetes will too.  Just know the struggle you're having now won't last forever.