Hello Everyone!
I'm so glad to have you all to talk to. While I have great family support and many great friends, no one truly understands unless you live the life of a parent with Type 1.
My daughter was diagnosed at age 7, almost three years ago. There is no family history of diabetes on either side and we were both shocked when she was diagnosed. I kept asking if there could be a mistake and was in complete denial, running on auto pilot. It was like bringing a new baby home, and I was terrified.
I feel like I still do what is necessary to take care of my daughter and make sure she lives the best life and takes care of her diabetes. I don't, however, let myself "think" about it. When I do, l completely break down. Thinking about her diagnosis or what she goes through everyday breaks me down. I don't let her see it, of course, but I feel so riddled with guilt. Here I'm her mom, the woman who promised to protect her from pain, and there isn't one thing I can do to take this away. I can't tell her I know how she feels, because I don't. All I can do is hold her when she cries and says she doesn't want to do this anymore. She is so amazing, so full of life, so wise beyond her years. She does everything so matter-of-fact and is so strong. I always question myself, wondering if I'm doing enough, am I doing everything right. I hate that she has to deal with all of this. I hate that she talks about all the fun memories she has, then follows them with "before I got diabetes" or "after I got diabetes." I hate that she has little calluses on her fingers and bruises on her little belly. I, like all of you, hate diabetes.