Overwhelmed, Feel so alone, and want to Cry

General
1

My 2 year old Daughter was Diagnosed with Type 1 on May 25,2009. I'm just feeling so alone because I'm a single mom and have no help at home. And I feel I have no one to talk to about anything that I am feeling. Also I feel that my co-workers are sick of me talking about it. Thinking,"Well you told us she has it what more do you want from us?" I feel like they don't understand what I am going through.

I'm trying to stay strong for my girl because she doesn't understand herself. She just sees mommy and others poking her with pointy things. And some family thinks that I have to stay strong for her, but I am starting to fall apart fast.......Sometime I ask god, "Haven't I and my daughter been through enough? Why us?"

Also I feel guilty because I wish I had time for myself. A night off or just a couple hours just to take in a little R & R. I used to have one night off a week but since she has been diagnosed I feel I need to be with her and others are too afraid to have her stay the night without me there. I'm not Supermom, but they sure seem to think so.

So.....I'm writing here to talk and wondering.....What to do when I'm feeling overwhelmed? What do you do? When others don't seem to want to listen? Any advice would be wonderful. Thanks for reading.

2

Hi Carrie,

You sound like you need some friends who definitely know what you're going through.  By coming to Juvenation, I believe you've definitely come to the right place.  Probably everyone in this group would like to dash over to your home right now and give both you and your daughter the support you need and deserve.  Speaking on behalf of the entire group, we'll do the best we can online and I'm sure we'll help both of you get through it. 

You should try, and I know this is more easily said than done, to forget what your co-workers, friends and even family bother or influence you.  They may be trying their best to help, but you really can't know much about Type 1 diabetes unless you've been through it either as a Type 1 yourselfr or as the parent of one.  So try, try, try to put your focus on your daughter's concerns and your own.  You will be able to take off those couple of hours of so needed R & R.  Once you get a handle on it, it is not a 24-hour-a-day job.  Both you and your daughter will settle into the routine anc be able to go back to enjoying your lives.

Please give all of us some details about what your endocrinologist has you doing and how you're daughter is reacting to it.  Please give us some idea of what your day (and night) is like.  Please let us know about any particular problems.  We're ready to begin working with you.

 

Paul

3

Oh, Carrie, my heart goes out to you... but you are allowing yourself to be overwhelmed.  All of your problems, really have a simple answer...

1 -  I remember my mother telling the story of when I was two, she said she had to wrap my ankles and wrists with a sheet so she could give me my injection...  she said it was tough, but it didn't last long.  Try rewarding your daughter after a "well taken" shot.  I started giving my own shots at 7, and accepted them as a part of life way before that...  it'll be ok

2 -  You do need to take time for yourself.  Teach your mother, or best girlfriend how to use a blood sugar meter, tell them you're sorry they will have to put up a fight to get a tiny drop of blood - they'll do it.  Give 'em your cell number and go out for a few hours.  For you. 

3 -  Knowledge is power.  If someone is afraid to keep her - then most likely they are afraid of what "might" happen, you know - fear of the unknown.  The worst thing that can happen in two hours is MAYBE a low BG... which can be fixed with orange juice.  Teach them that she is not made of glass, and if they care, they will be willing to learn.

4

HI Carrie, When I read you post ,it touched my heart.I Think here you will find many young parents with small children and they will help you .I thought of a post I read that might help you,maybe you saw it.MY 2 Yyr old just diag.with t1,where can I go from here.I wish I could link you to it. You will need a break,it will be good for both of you. Takes things back to normal a little .A family member that has learned how to care for her,will ease your mind.--Paul,if you or anyone knows the link??    

5

Carrie,

You are not alone. So many of us have felt exactly the way you have in some shape or form. Remember that your co-workers are just your co-workers after a while it can be overwhelming for them to hear the same thing over and over again.

On Juvenation noone will get sick of hearing you vent your frustrations. So if you have to tell us everyday that you are frustrated, scared and angry we are here to listen. As long as we are here you will never have to feel alone.

As far as you getting some R&R is there anyone else that can help you? To even give you a break for a couple of hours on the weekend? I know on the children with diabetes website they have a network where you can get a babysitter in your area that knows how to deal with kids and type 1. If I can find it I will pass it over to you.

When you start to feel overwhelmed I think you need to just stop for a minute. Take a breather and tell yourself I CAN DO THIS. And I know you can Carrie. If people don't want to listen to you maybe its just because it has taken over every aspect of your life and you don't even realize that everything you say is about diabetes. Noone wants to hear that all of the time. I know that because I have been there. It doesn't have to be this way.

Have you thought about going to speak to a therapist or counselor? Or looking for a diabetes support group in your area?

This is all very new to you and you have a lot to learn still. Which is why it is overwhelming for you right now. You are still trying to figure out how to put diabetes in your everyday life. You can do it I promise! We have all been there. It does take some work though, but once you do it will be like brushing your teeth in the morning.

By next  year around this time you will look back on this post and see how far you have come. And we will all applaud you for your efforts.

In the meantime, why don't you try going out and doing fun things with your daughter go to a play, to a park, on a playdate things that are  normal and non-diabetes related. Diabetes doesn't have to take over your life. If you plan accordingly you and your child can be just like people without diabetes.

Hang in there...

6

Dear Supermom from Michigan,

I have asked that question more than I can think of, "Why me?".  It's hard to get over the fact that you were given a huge task that you feel you can't handle.  Diabetes is very humanizing, while it sometimes makes you feel different than the rest of the crowd, finding people like the people here on this site to connect to is like an exclusive club; only diabetics.  We have our inside jokes and rants, it's like a whole new community, you are not alone you have us.  Nothing is too big for you to tackle especially when we are all right here, just a click away.  

The best thing to do when you're feeling overwhelmed is to talk to someone like you're doing, read stories about how we've struggled to cope; those that remind you you are not alone in this.

If you're on facebook you can look me up and I'd be more than happy to give you my number incase you are away from the computer when you have a question about something.

Greg

7

First of all, you are not alone! I am a single mom of a 10 year old. She was diagnosed last summer, at age 9. We have struggled, and yes, I felt alone, with no one to really understand. The 9 pm Lantus shot had us both in tears each night for about 6 months.

I still remember calling my daughter's dad and telling him the diagnosis on the way to the hospital, and his first question was "Well, do I really need to come to the hospital?" I am still SOOO angry with him for that question.

I live in Benton Harbor MI, I wish you were close enough to join our support group we have. It is great! I also wish you were close enough for me to recommend a babysitter, just to get out for a couple of hours. My niece (who is now 17) wanted to learn all she could about taking care of Hannah and her diabetes, because she LOVES to babysit, and she wanted to keep babysitting for me.

 

Finding Juvenation has been the best thing that has ever happend for me. I get on here each day, and read everything! Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry, and other times it makes me think "Thank GOD, I am not the only person who feels like that!!!".

Feel free to send me a message. I am more than willing to listen to you! You have every right to feel the way you do, just like you have every right to have someone, or several someones, to listen.

Best of luck to you. Trust me, it does get easier, however, like life, diabetes does throw suprises your way, often.

Melanie

Mother of Hannah dx 8/22/08 age 9

8

Carrie, i understand exactly what you are going thru. When my son was diag. at age 4, he is now 12, it devastated me and i quit everything i enjoyed to do. But its amazing the strength that these kids have. Do you have any family members that you can work with and teach them? I used to be the same way, and i slept with him every night, and of course my marriage suffered, but he and my daughter are my whole world. My son got me back into everything i loved to do and we do it all together now. Right now it seems very overwhelming. There will be ups and downs, but you have to stay strong for yourself so you can take good care of your daughter. You might want to get intouch with JDRF and join a group where you live with other T1 families. You will meet so many people and maybe a family has a T1 daughter that is a teenager and is experienced to help others. I know, you are saying a teenager, but i have met alot of teens with T1 that are awesome kids and would trust them with my son if i needed them to watch him. Check out family members first, have them come over and show them what they have to do. You can get out for a few hours and have some time to yourself...it will get better, believe me. Goodluck and let me know how things are going.

Dwight

9

It just makes me cry thinking about what you are going through.  I wish I could send you a hug.  My son is 5, diagnosed two months ago, but it is like no one understands or wants to listen, especially family.  I got tired of everyone saying "it will get easier".  Right now it's hard and I want to talk!  I also want time for myself, but I am so protective.  My only advice right now is, read all you can so it all makes sense.  I am on my 5th Diabetes book right now and I can't believe that there are still things that I don't know.  (There is alot of good advice too.) 

This is truly an overwhelming disease at first and I am finally considering having a local teenager come over while I am here just so I can see how she is with my son and maybe I can get a few things organized while my son is occupied.  The guilt is okay, we all feel it as parents, it just shows that you care!  Just don't let it get the better of you, you need a break, and it's okay to ask for help. 

Hang in there, we are going through the honeymoon right now, if you get to that point, you will get a big break!  You might even be able to get the overnight that you want.  We started honeymooning about a month after diagnosis and that is where we are right now.  We went from 4 shots a day to 1 shot, but now we are dealing with alot of lows.  But the trade-off has been a nice break.  Keep writing and reading and crying's okay too, we are all listening and trying to help.  I started a journal about 3 weeks after my son's diagnosis and that really seemed to help with my anger toward those that didn't "get it", and there just seems to be alot of those people around.  Just an idea.....

10

My mom went through the same thing when I was diagnosed. Single mother of two kids under 12, barely making the bills as it was, pretty much no support from either of our dads, overwhelmed by the change.. You're not alone, and what you're feeling is totally normal/understandable. It's a HUGE change for both you and your daughter! Your family is right that you need to stay strong for her, but it is very taxing and everyone is overwhelmed at the beginning.

I would suggest contacting your local JDRF or Diabetes Association Branch. My mom was set-up with a mentor program when I was diganosed, which helped us both. I got to hang out with a girl a few years older than me who had been diagnosed at age 3, and my mom got to have support from the girl's mom(who had been a single mother of two for years after her daughter was diagnosed--when we met them, she was living with her same-sex partner).


Another thing my mom was able to get was a babysitter who was trained in how to take care of a diabetic child! It gave my mom a chance to have a few hours to herself once a week. I'm pretty sure that was set-up through the JDRF as well. That's how my "aunt" Eve came into our family, she started off as a caretaker so my mom could have some R&R time or time alone with my big brother, and turned into one of my mom's best friends to this day! I also spent sleepovers at the girl's house we were set-up at, which helped a lot to give my mom sometime. While I was there playing or having a sleepover, she got to have her own time to herself without worrying about me or my diabetes.

 

I hope everything works out for you, and just remember that this was just a flute of a thing; you'll get through it! Both you and your daughter will come out of this stronger people :)

11

Carrie,

Your story was very personal to me because I was in your shoes 1 year ago.  My daughter was diagnosed on May 21st, 2008.  I had all the same feelings you are having.  I even questioned if it would be better for my daughter if I gave her up for adoption.  Crazy, I know but I love my children with all my heart and just want what is best for them.  I wasn't sure I would be the best thing for her.  I was overwhelmed, with no one to help me.  I want you to know, that as hard as it seems right now, it does get better.  Every day you question how you are going to make it through the day but somehow you do.....and after a while you start to realize it gets a little easier.  It never becomes easy, just more managable!  You can always message me if you want someone to talk to.  You should never feel alone again because on this site, you will find more friends than you ever thought you could have!

Kathie