Plans change in the blink of an eye...support needed

Pregnancy
1

Hi Ladies!

After beginning to feel all the "nerves" as I have been mentioning on here, I had a really bad time of it this week...complete panic attacks 2x and a lot of anxiety.  I have taken anxiety meds since I was in high school and I was just about weaned off everything in order to get pregnant, but realized that I can't be off of them completely...the anxiety and "withdraw-type" symptoms were too bad and this wouldn't be healthy for a baby either.  It's hard to come to terms with that.  So, that being said, I am trying to come to terms also with the fact that I am going to have to wait a little longer to have a baby until my doctors find a medication that I can take that will help the anxiety and have the least effect on the baby.  Do any of you know women who have been in this situaiton?  I am sure there are many out there.  I feel a bit like a failure at the moment, but I know that there will be a way for me to have a healthy baby -  between the diabetes and the anxiety-med issue now - someday.  I am only 28, so I really do have quite a few more child-bearing years.  It would be my hope that we could get everything situated by next summer, but I am just going to wait and see.  I think part of my problem is that I was trying to take way too much control over the pre-pregnancy planning (given all the diabetes prep that is needed) that it was taking all the fun out of it.  I started to lose the excitement, which I really want to experience.

Any thoughts, input, words of advice, would be much appreciated! 

Katie

2

Hi Katie....Let me start by saying that I am not pregnant, nor never was, nor probably won't ever be.  But I sense what you are going through.  I am on a lot of meds for blood pressure, depression, and cholesterol.  Basically stuff that I will have to be on for the rest of my life.....Have you ever tried any kind of meditation for your anxiety?  I haven't tried it personally, but I know a few people who use it to help with anxiety and it helps them.  Talking to a professional might offer other suggestions.  You are hardly a failure.....stop thinking that RIGHT NOW!  Everyone deals with anxiety in a different way, some of us just need a little more help than others.  I am sure you have been working hard to get your body in order to have a baby.....don't give up!  Look how far you have come.  Don't know if I have offered any good advice or not....but don't give up on your hopes and dreams!  Good Luck! 

3

Katie, I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a BIG HUG!!  I know that it's hard to have to wait awhile, but I think that you are doing the right thing by making sure you are in a situation that you can be comfortable and happy with.  It is very hard to "relax" and "just let everything happen naturally" when  you are planning a pregnancy with diabetes, given the level of control that you need to have over your blood sugars.  And I know you've been working really, really hard and have an awesome A1C to prove it!  If I can just offer this to you: it's ok to not be perfect and even to not have "perfect blood sugars" while your pregnant.  I know this because many diabetic women have had healthy children and there is no possible way any of us have had 9 months of perfect blood sugars.  This was really hard for me to realize with my first pregnancy and I freaked out pretty much anytime I had a reading over 140 (of which there were plenty - even with an average A1C of 6%).  But after going through it once, I now realize that you can relax a little.  Not on the control, but on your REACTION to the numbers and the situation - if that makes sense. I wasn't perfect 100% of the time, but everything turned out just fine.  I definitely could have relaxed my reactions to things. 

Anway, I hope that your doctors can find the right medication for you and that you can enjoy the process more without the extra stress and anxiety.  I do have a (non-d) friend who I know is on anxiety meds and has a 2 year-old.  I'm not sure if she was on them while pregnant, but I will ask her the next time I see her and hopefully I'll have some info to pass along to you.  Do not for one second think that you are a failure!!!  You know yourself enough to make an informed decision about your healthcare and well-being before you make a huge life-changing decision.  That is SO not failure!!!

4

Thank you both sooo much!

This has been a really tough week for me and it is great to have the reinforcement from others that perfection is not needed in order to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  Candace, I would love to hear what your friend who is on the anxiety meds says.  Let me know when you talk to her next.  I would really appreciate it. 

I think there were a number of things that I was dealing with over the past couple months in pregnancy-prep-mode...one of which was taking WAY too much control and not just letting things be that will be.  I think the diabetes greatly exacerbated my need to be in control (I need to learn to let go of control a little in my everyday life as it is). 

I am just trying to take things a day at a time and not be too hard on myself since the anxiety and need for anxiety meds is stemming from a true physical problem, not something that I have control over.  ;)

One good bit of news though...my Primary Care Doc spoke to the maternal/fetal med specialist I am going to be working with and his response to her was that he sees no reason why I should ever try to go off the meds again.  He says that when I am ready again, I should just go ahead and get pregnant.  My PC Doc also spoke to the OB practice I go to and they told her that they have seen successful pregnancies on the med that I am on for women who have taken it for the duration of their pregnancy.  Like everyhting else (including the diabetes), it does add a slight risk to the baby, but if it were a risk that the docs felt was too substantial, they wouldn't have said to get pregnant and have a baby on the meds.

I am just going to take some time for myself now and maintain tight control of my a1c for myself (not just because of a pregnancy) before we try to get pregnant.  As with all hurdles in life, this too shall pass!

Thank you again for your kind words and support.  This is what helps me get through.

Katie

5

Hi Katie!  Sorry it took me a bit to respond to this one.

You've got a great attitude about all of this, and taking care of ourselves is a good goal for all of us.  We're all here whenever you need support.  :)  It's always frustrating when things don't go the way we planned, but I tell myself that "things usually work out how they're supposed to".  Sort of a "everything happens for a reason" philosophy - cheesy, yes, but seems to be true more often than not. 

Sending positive thoughts your way!

Kim

6

Hey! That's great news that the MFM said you could stay on the meds. I found having a diabetic pregnancy to be very anxiety inducing (I would literally freak out and panic about a 200, even though my a1c's were great and there was NO REASON to worry about it if I got them down quickly). Also, I couldn't read those "what to expect" type books b/c if they said "It's week 9 and the baby is developing his inner ears" or whatever, I'd be sure some random high had prevented that in MY baby. Needless to say, my son was born perfectly healthy. But, I guess what I'm saying is I *wish* I had thought through my mental health better beforehand (like you are) to make sure I had a less stressful pregnancy. If I ever do it again, that's my goal!!

I wish you luck. Send me a message if you have any D/pregnancy questions!!

7

HI Katie!

I too suffer from anxiety and it became worse when I was diagnosed with Diabetes 3 years ago.  Not sure what med(s) you were taking, but my doctor put me on a low dose of prozac.  My anxiety comes in the form or worrying about things to the point of list making in my head and then obsessing that it is not getting taken care of.  This results in panic attacks  and irritability when my 'mental lists' become too long.  The support and patience of my husband and the prozac helped a lot.  We, too, are thinking of starting a family.  Just seeing the high risk doctor and learning all about diabetic pregnancy had stirred up my anxiety.  Instead of looking at this major goal of perfect health and perfect sugars which seems so far away, I decided to take it day by day and that has eased my stress immensely.   Setting too large of a goal with too short of a deadline can be a recipe for disaster!  Liek you said, you are 28 and have plenty of time to get pregnant.

My doctor told me that there are no studies that show a low does of prozac to effect the baby and said I could stay on it while pregnant.  I am happy to say, however, that I have weened myself off (with the help of my doc) and am feeling great.  I figured even with no real risk, less is always better.

What kind of anxiety do you suffer from?  Yes, becoming pregnant as a diabetic is a very involved task!  It is bound to bring up stress in the most even tempered woman!  Hang in there!  A baby is a blessing and worth all the extra effort.  You just have to remind yourself of that in order not to "lose the excitement"  When I think of all the extra doctor appointments and the over focus on what I eat and my sugars, instead of being bitter and overwhelmed, I feel lucky that my baby is going to have such AWESOME care.  Its like a VIP pregnancy, where the docs pay special attention to every little part of their development and you get to see your baby once a month!!!!!   Oh and have to add that with the healthy eating that is necessary,  diabetic pregnant women are way less likely to put on a whopping 70 lbs during pregnancy that some non diabetic women do.  Ok, I'm ranting......Let me know if you ever want to talk/vent.  Best wishes to you! :)

 

 

8

Hi Ladies!

I can't thank you all enough.  I was just sitting here at the computer re-reading all of your posts (and mine) in order to remind myself that everything will be just fine.  I am doing WAY better now than I was the week I wrote my first post.  I am back on my original med (Wellbutrin) and am working with the docs to see what the best meds for pregnancy would be.  I am in contact with a Psychiatrist who would prefer that I take Zoloft during pregnancy and actually said she would not write me a script for the Wellbutrin if I were pregnant or trying to become pregnant.  At this point, I think I am going to attempt the switch to the Zoloft.  I do have an appt with my PCP (who is fabulous and such a great advocate) on Thursday, so I am curious to get her prespective now that she has spoken to the Maternal Fetal Med Specialist and the Psychiatrist herself.  She had always been the one to manage my anxiety meds for the past 8 or so years. 

Jackie, I tend to have similar anxiety as you speak of experiencing.  Stress greatly influences my level of anxiety, so I am sure all the planning for the diabetic pregnancy wasn't helping that cause. 

Thank you all again and I am always open to advice if anyone ever has any to give.  :)

Take care!

Katie

9

Hi Katie! Sorry it took me a little while to respond to you with the info from my friend.  I was on vacation last week and just spoke with her today.  She was on Paxil prior to becoming pregnant and weaned off in preparation to become pregnant.  Once she was completely off the meds she had a pretty bad panic attack at work one day.  Her anxiety was so bad that she ended up quitting her job and could barely leave the house most days.  She began seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in women and psyciatric issues.  The doc put her on celexa (generic is citalopram).  The doc felt this med had the least issues for pregnancy and breast feeding.  The only thing extra she had to do was an extra ultrasound around week 18 to check that the baby's heart was developing normally (or course, you'll have lots of extra ultrasounds courtesy of having diabetes so I'm sure they'll just be checking the heart all along the way.)  My friend was also nervous about post partum depression, but her psychiatrist assured her that she'd be available to help and would even make a house call if necessary.  She ended up without any post partum issues, but it was nice to know she had a back-up plan.

I hope this info helps! It sounds like your doc may have already found another med that will work, but I still wanted to get this info to you.  I also wanted to assure you that my friend had a very healthy baby who is now 20 months old (same as my daughter, we met in a new mommies group when our girls were a month old!)  My friend also said that she'd be more than happy to email with you if you had more specific questions as you go along.  Let me know and I can give you her info!

10

Hi Candace!

Thank you so much for getting back to me.  It was very helpful to hear about your friend's experience.  I am going to see my PCP tomorrow to discuss options if the Zoloft the Psychiatrist wants to swtich me to doesn't work.  I'm just so nervous about all of this and never want to have a week like I had a few weeks ago when off the Wellbutrin.  If I didn't wish with all my heart for a baby soon, I don't think I would be as worried.  I'll keep you posted. 

Take care and thanks again!

Katie

11

Hi Katie,

I am very new to this site.  I just read through your postings (and the others) and wanted to ask you if you had made the switch to Zoloft? If so how is it going?  I am in my 11th week of pregnancy and dealing with some serious anxiety myself.  I had been on Wellbutrin ( and really felt good with it) before the pregnancy and when we started thinking about trying to conceive my doctor said I had to go off of it.  I was scared for sure, and was then pleasantly surprised/happy to find I was ok without it for quite some time.  I found myself extremely anxious the moment I found out I was truly pregnant - and have been trying to deal with it since. My situation is unique in that we had only just got engaged (one day) when I found out I was pregnant.  I live overseas with my finace in France.   I visited my family in my home town (USA)  for some time this summer which I think helped me to manage my mental stuff but I just recently got back from the visiting and my anxiety is high. I know part of the anxiety is about my sugars and keeping my diet under control for the best possible outcome for baby but I also deal with separation anxiety type things, and leaving my family from this visit has really sent me off on a tangent.  I am also nervous about/anticipating going back to work in a few weeks (I am an elementary school teacher) and the stress that comes with work, that coupled with trying to manage my sugars makes me really nervous.  I speak french fairly well, (have been in France 3 years + now) but being in a different country going through my first pregnancy is also a source of anxiety for me.

I have so much going on at once I don't feel 'normal' in anyway.  My fiance has been very supportive of my needs but at times it feels like nobody and nothing can help me feel like I've got it together.   I spoke to my psychiatrist in early July and she'd told me that I could try prozac or zoloft if I felt I needed it.  Since I haven't been back long yet, I am trying to give myself a few days to try to relax but it has been really hard, and jet lag does not help.  Because I seemed to manage well for the first 8-10 weeks or so and I was close to my family for some of that time, I decided against taking anything.  Right now I am thinking I may need to try the Zoloft.  I was told Zoloft was a little better that Prozac in terms of specifically dealing with symptoms of anxiety.  I don't want to take anything if its going to harm the baby, but I also don't want to feel like this long term.  I also fear this much worrying could make me miscarry.  I'd love to hear from you or anyone else about all of this  - i  cannot imagine going through this without worry on so many levels.  I know in this moment I need to give myself time to adapt, reconnect with friends here, get back into a routine etc. but I am also feeling totally alone and afraid.  Thanks for any suggestions, advice or kind words... Ariel

12

Hi Ariel,

Hugs and bisoux!! That sounds like you're in a tough situation -- balancing not wanting to take an SRRI while pregnant while needing to care for yourself. I'm prone to becoming anxious and depressed, and the stress of a T1 pregnany was very tough for me as well. Your post brought back a lot of memories! Of course, I read online that stress was bad for the fetus, and became even more stressed, lol.

During pregnancy, I personally was able to deal with my stress by walking, reading, etc. But I never felt completely better. Then, after birth, I was extremely depressed, to the point of feeling suicidal. My doctor told me zoloft was the safest SSRI while nursing the baby, and that there was enough studies on it, unlike newer drugs. I ended up suddenly feeling so much better at 6-8 weeks post partum, and never went on it. But, I wonder if Zoloft is also one of the safest during pregnancy, too?

When I lived in Paris in the late '90's, but Mom was back, far away, in the States battling cancer, and I felt totally depressed. Some of the American newspapers had ads for a depression "hotline" in English that could refer you to an English-speaking therapist. I wish I could remember which group ran it, but it was a long time ago. I think they were through the cathedrale americaine?? Of course, it's really hard for anyone to understand the weight on our shoulders of being pregnant with T1 -- you feel like any wrong move could hurt your baby. But, maybe having a neutral and caring ear to listen would help even if she didn't understand the medical details. I liked the idea of talking to an American would could understand my culture when I was down, too.

I'm not a doctor obviously, but from my personal experience, I did have some (actually lots) of highs and lows while pregnant, and my son is ABSOLUTELY fine. Highs happen with all the insulin resistance, so you just have to try to get them down quickly. Even non-diabetics can have babies with birth defects. But, as long as your overall a1c is okay, your baby should be fine! Taking loooong walks while I was pregnant helped me deal with my post-meal numbers and deal with my stress.

Let us know how you're doing! Hang in there!

13

Hi Ariel.

I'm sorry i can't help you with the depression meds as i have no experience, but i also live in France and am 31 weeks pregnant.  Where do you live?  I'm in the 11th arrondissement in Paris.  If it would help you to chat with another expat dealing with diabetes and pregnancy i would be more than happy to connect with you.  I don't know if there's a was to exchange email addresses or phone numbers privately on this site.  Let me know if you'd like to chat.

Andrea

14

Andrea,  I am terribly sorry its taken so long to reply, I have been getting re-adjusted and back to work -grade 2 teacher- so very busy, trying to get rest etc...

I was thrilled to hear you are in Paris!  I definitely would love to chat. --I wonder how you are doing -- further along now than when you wrote back to me!?  I'd love to know where you're being seen (hosptial), who is your endo. etc.. how its all been for you here in France.  I'm not sure how to connect either, so... here is my private email - hopefully we can connect this way. arielwitt@yahoo.com

 

Ariel

15

Sarah, I apologize for taking so long to reply.  I was so touched to get such kind emails from people like you here in this site.  I particularly appreciated your sharing your story about your mom and remembering how it felt being far away.  I am dealing with it better lately, feeling thankful for skype and free calls to the states, in general I think I am just very emotional and overwhelmed by my very own thoughts! 

Its been good for me to try and get back to work, though I also have to temper that and not try to do too much....  sugars first.  period.  I've had so many lows, I am nearly finished with my first trimester.... my understanding is the insulin resistance will kick in more in my second trimester. So for now I am just doing my best to try to enjoy. I was super resistant to taking meds, but finally last weekend decided to give it a shot. My ob gyn gave me the go ahead for prozac, so I am starting it slowly... I guess I feel ok about it.  I have been told the Zoloft is great during breastfeeding too, and asked if I could maybe try that instead of the P.  My doc basically said they have the most info about Prozac being safe so they feel more comfortable with me on that for my second and most of my third trimester.... then I will stop and switch to Zoloft after the baby is born.  Once I stop getting low so often i know the gym will help me too - its usually a place for me to relax but I have been low so much I just decided to eliminate that variable for a little while.  I agree taking long walks is a good way too - I am wondering how long I will manage to manage everything and keep on working.  We shall see. 

Funny you mentioned the American Church, I know it well :) and have met some great people through various groups that use that space.  Anyway, I hope this finds you well, and thanks again for your kind words.

Ariel

16

Ariel, It sounds like you made the right decision about the prozac. I hope you're already feeling better!

I found having a diabetic pregnancy so stressful that I swore I'd never, ever, ever do it again, and I wasn't living far from home. But, luckily, the memories fade. Now, it's like an annoying memory, and now that my son seems so "normal" I don't worry that my diabetes affected him anymore. My husband and I are even considering it again in a year or two!

I'm glad getting back to work has been helpful. Hang in there!