Hi. New-ish member: 20 yrs. old. T1 for about 10 years, twin sister and dad are also T1. Pretty awesome life, but I still get really down sometimes :(
I'll explain. I have a really ridiculously amazing life. I know I am very blessed, and I'm grateful for every day I am alive :) But I've always really been down about my diabetes.
Let's start here maybe. My life's not all totally awesome :( I've got the diabetes thing going on, but I've also been on meds for depression for a few years, and I've got Tourette's. Random, I know.
Well, once I got all of the doses and stuff for my antidepressants worked out and went to therapy, the depression became manageable. It's not even a big issue for me anymore unless I forget my meds.
And Tourette's was kind of an interesting journey too. TS is kind of cool actually, but tiring mainly, inconvenient sometimes, and embarrassing usually. lol. But my diagnosis of this has actually lead me on a wonderful path of self-learning and self-acceptance. I've learned to love myself and others more for it. I am soooo grateful to have it, and hey, it keeps things interesting ;-)
But no such luck with diabetes... I'm angry at it all the time, full of self-pity, defensive, etc. Big range of different negative emotions. I've seen a therapist recently because my endocrinologist made me really really mad and I had violent thoughts. Not like me! I promise.
I just seem to always get stuck on the unfairness of it all. And unlike my other things, I cannot seem to turn it into a positive in my life. It's not like I'm not self-aware, you know? I know when I'm indulging in self-pity or anger or denial. I just get tired of the doctors always telling me I'm not good enough. I hate testing my BS because if I'm high, I hate myself and I'm already a pretty harsh critic. And then when the doctors say I'm not good enough, I just get mad because I ALREADY KNEW THAT! I need help! Anyone have some advice on how I can turn this into a positive?