Hi, so I’m kind of new to these forums but I’ve been struggling and I decided to reach out to people who may know what I’m going through.
I was diagnosed later in life, at age 22. It came as a shock, no one in my family has either type of diabetes. I was at the doctor for something completely unrelated. Anyways, I’m 24 now and on the insulin pump. In the last 6 months, my care level has dropped. I am not bolusing as often as I should be and I’m not checking my glucose levels often either. I just have no desire to care for myself.
My endo suggested I see a therapist, and I have one that was recommended to me but my schedule(I nanny, so my schedule revolves around the family’s schedule) doesn’t allow me to have the time(or energy) to make an appointment. I am on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers and while they help, it’s obviously not enough.
I’m here asking if anyone else has experienced this and how they dealt with it/how they found ways to change their attitude on the matter.
so I was about 11-12 when diagnosed and I guess I spent a lot of time depressed. For me first off, I just refused to believe I had something no one could fix. I felt targeted. I felt punished. I was in and out of wondering what I did to myself to deserve this, to anger, to just wanting to be numb so I couldn’t feel anything. It took a very long time to get to a point where I no longer see diabetes as a punishment.
I think it’s really very normal to take a couple years to wrap your head around a chronic disease. it’s a lot like grieving any kind of loss. for us it’s a loss of good health. diabetes is an unpleasant, painful disease where the benefits of doing a great job are only that you get to feel normal, and times when you are doing not so good a job you know it’s eating away at you like an acid.
I can’t tell you how to feel better. You have to find it in yourself. after I didn’t want to be numb anymore I went through the anger and then got to a place where I just accept I have a program bug in my autoimmune code. I tend to feel better when I am talking about it so I volunteer with the JDRF and try to help any way I can, mostly because I have vast experience in doing stupid things. I was in therapy and in other self-help groups and eventually I found a little peace. I hope you don’t take the decades it took me. I think therapy can be very productive if you choose to be completely honest. anyway I talked a lot. hope you are okay. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Stephanie, Joe is absolutely correct. Help groups work!! We feel for your struggle! I have had type 1 for 42 years and I still struggle like you. However, I came to realize that I am the only one that is going to take care of me. Taking care of blood sugar now is much easier than letting it go and later having bigger medical problems and bigger troubles. You must get a hold of it!!! Remember your family and friends … they NEED and LOVE you!! It CAN be done but YOU must WANT it! It means a better quality of life which makes it worth it. When I let my sugar go, I don’t feel well, so I think that is my big driving force. When I was 11 or 12 my parents sent my to a diabetic summer camp which included group talks which made me feel better seeing other kids with the same kind of troubles. Help groups are a big key. I later came to see it as a challenge and I wasn’t going to let this damn thing beat me. I began to really try and do you know what? I am beating it and it makes me feel like a champion, just the opposite than I used to feel!! My last A1C was 5.5. Testing is the key, I test about once every 2 or 3 hours, sometimes just because I’m curious. After eating, especially breakfast, I go for a walk because it gets my blood moving and it gets my insulin working quicker thus eliminating a sugar spike. I found out that artificial sweeteners are linked to depression and when I stopped using them I felt much better, no more diet cokes for me!! Good luck Stephanie, please don’t give up!!!
I’ve been diagnosed a year and a half ago and I am still trapped in the depression stage. Of course I have my good days, but I’ve been having bad days more often than not. The way my family is, I feel judged to show my feelings so I tend to keep it all bottled up. Yes I understand that this is a bad thing to do, but I just don’t know what else there is for me to do to help myself…
@manigganiall don’t be so hard on yourself. honestly it took me many many years as I said above. family can be a tough one. NO one in your family will want to see you depressed, want to hear you be sad, or angry. They will want you to “get over it” because it probably makes them uncomfortable or sad they cant help you directly. that’s why like-minded people who share common experiences are more powerful than family or spouses in these things. therapists are good to but it’s because you are paying them to understand and take the ride with you.
what really worked for me was to focus on self-esteem. there might be self-esteem resources such as books and maybe audio tapes. for me, I had to first give myself permission to feel better then I had to learn new tools. good luck.
@stephanielucking I Had T1D since I was 14, I am now 17. When I first had it I thought hey, this wont be so bad. but realizing how a struggle this all came to be. I stopped caring about my health as well. I started thinking suicide and ended up in the hospital for doing self-harm by not taking my insulin… Everyone was so concern that Back in Jan. 10-29, 2015 I was in a treatment center. My doctors and parents thought it would be best to stay there. Once I came out, nothing changed. This depression got to my so badly. I just wish I was never here dealing with my health. Its really hard to handle, especially being a teen. I just wish to live a normal life without this disease and not be different.
I had T1D since I was 14 and I am now 17. When I first had it, I thought, “hey, this wont be so bad”. But then I started realizing how much of a struggle this all became to be. I also stopped caring about myself. I was always depressed and I always thought about suicide. I have been in the hospital so many times doing self-harm by not taking my insulin. Back in January of this year from the 10th-29th I was in a Treatment Center for depression and suicide. Everyone thought it will help me, but once I got out…nothing changed. I still have the same thoughts, I’m still not motivated, and I still feeling depressed all the time. I wish I wasn’t here, I feel alone and frustrated with my diabetes. I have no close family members with diabetes and none of my friends do too. It is too hard for me to handle. This life changing is something I wish I didn’t have to go through. I want to live a normal life without being diabetic and not being different. I am stuck in this situation for so long, I don’t know what to even do with my life anymore. ;( ugh…
@joe you are absolutely right. I took the initiative today to call a therapist that had been recommended to me months ago but I put off calling.
I saw my primary doctor today and he said something that stuck out to me, because I am a nanny, I struggle to make appointments for myself to keep from putting them out and making them miss work, he said "you NEED to take time for yourself. it’s hard to in a caregiver’s role but you have to."
And so I did. I made all sorts of appointments today to better my health, because not taking care of myself has been a slow form of suicide and I can’t allow myself to feel this way anymore.
And I’m hoping to use my next actual weekend off as a time for just myself.
Thank you all for your words, it feels good to know I’m not alone in my feelings, and I hope we all can take the time for ourselves and take care of ourselves.
@whoa._.zey I hope that you too can find something to help you. I understand how you feel. I have days where I sit and think, “why me?” And then I pretend I’m not diabetic and I have to live with the results of that day.
We’re all here for each other. We all have felt the same way. We can all be each other’s support system.
I am totally new to this and I guess I really just need someone else to talk to, so please bear with me. I am 19 and was barley diagnosed with T1D in November. Lately I’ve been having a really hard time with it. I feel sometimes that no one understands me. Or that I am all alone in this. My friends and family don’t understand me when I try to explain what I have to go through. On some days I just feel worn out by it. I know that you can’t take a break from diabetes. And it just feels like a big sickness that doesn’t go away. I know that my family is always there to support me. But half the time they don’t even understand that crap I have to go trough. I would say I’ve regulated it pretty well so far. My last A1C was 5.7 and I recently started taking insulin (Pen). I just feel very alone most of the time, even my aunt who has T2D does not take care of herself at all. She looks at me and thinks I’m crazy for the amount of carbs I cut out. But it makes me upset that she eats cake and pasta with rice. And she doesn’t care at all. I know me and I would love to have a long life free from diabetic complications. I was just wondering if anyone else knows what I’m going through. Like I said. It’s hard to talk to people when no one can relate to you.
I’m new to forums and Type One Nation, but I am not so new to Type 1. I was diagnosed at 14, and I am now 29. This past year has hit hard for me, and I consider it a sort of mid-life crisis with diabetes. I find it helpful to let out the tears, talk out the frustration with those closest to me, and consider seeking professional help. It’s difficult to go to a counselor when every day is different, but I like knowing I have somewhere to go. My depression seems to peak when my blood sugars peak, when I have unexplained highs, especially over longer periods of time. I’m sure it’s a mix of personal frustration, a feeling of failure, worry, as well as a very real side effect of having high blood sugars. I keep on living though, and I accept the support that is offered from my friends, family and community (YMCA, JDRF, etc.). The last time I was having a hard time, a friend reached out to me and reminded me of the impact I have on the world. That encouragement lead me to an epiphany - I am more than my disease or how I manage it. I keep going because I have more to share with those around me. That got me to go back to the Y, work out, socialize, and immediately start feeling better - emotionally, physically, and in so many other ways I don’t even understand.
So, may you know that you are not alone, and you are not your diabetes. Keep going, do the best you can, forgive, and live!
I’m new to forums and Type One Nation, but I am not so new to Type 1. I was diagnosed at 14, and I am now 29. This past year has hit hard for me, and I consider it a sort of mid-life crisis with diabetes. I find it helpful to let out the tears, talk out the frustration with those closest to me, and consider seeking professional help. It’s difficult to go to a counselor when every day is different, but I like knowing I have somewhere to go. My depression seems to peak when my blood sugars peak, when I have unexplained highs, especially over longer periods of time. I’m sure it’s a mix of personal frustration, a feeling of failure, worry, as well as a very real side effect of having high blood sugars. I keep on living though, and I accept the support that is offered from my friends, family and community (YMCA, JDRF, etc.). The last time I was having a hard time, a friend reached out to me and reminded me of the impact I have on the world. That encouragement lead me to an epiphany - I am more than my disease or how I manage it. I keep going because I have more to share with those around me. That got me to go back to the Y, work out, socialize, and immediately start feeling better - emotionally, physically, and in so many other ways I don’t even understand.
So, may you know that you are not alone, and you are not your diabetes. Keep going, do the best you can, forgive, and live!
Thank you for sharing your experiences!! stephanielucking, whoa_zey and Gm0nEy27; you are not alone. PLEASE, do not give up on yourselves. I was diagnosed with Type 1 when I was 29. I didn’t think it was that big a deal at first; that it would actually encourage me to be healthier. When I couldn’t control my blood sugars no matter what I did, I began to feel hopeless and ANGRY. I literally hated everyone who didn’t have Diabetes. People I loved became my enemies (in my mind), because they were not in danger of eye, foot or kidney problems. THOSE PEOPLE could eat whatever, whenever they wanted (the nerve!). Everyone just pissed me off. I felt so isolated and not understood. At a certain point, I became suicidal. I felt that it would never get any better, I would always be miserable and I would probably die in a few years anyway. Fortunately, I spoke up to the social worker who was part of my Diabetes Education team. I found a therapist and talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. I also was put on anti depressants. These two things changed the course of my life. One other thing helped me. I was meeting with my Endo one day and she mentioned that in many ways AIDS had become like Diabetes (no longer a death sentence, medication on a schedule, tools for dealing with complications). This got me thinking about people living with AIDS (the first time I had been able to STOP thinking about my situation in over a year). I began to see correlations between the isolation that people with AIDS (and HIV) felt in the 80’s and still feel; the anger and ‘why me?’ they must deal with daily; the helplessness and hopelessness that goes along with a potentially life threatening, chronic illness. I felt a connection to them. I felt like they were probably the only ones who could truly understand the emotions I was feeling. So, I started volunteering with people with AIDS and HIV. This was by no means a magic bullet or the beginning of a fairy tale ending for me; but it helped me get out of my head and back out into the world. It enabled me to feel a part of regular life/community/world again. This is not to say that I am ‘fixed’, that I don’t have bad days (or weeks) or that I control my Diabetes. I do not suggest that what worked for me will necessarily work for everyone. I have ignored my Diabetes, worked diligently on it, gotten frustrated, sad, angry, despondent, hopeless, accepting, pissed off and content with my Diabetes and the care of it. Miraculously, so far, I have no complications. I suppose the point of my long-winded post is that if you don’t give up, there is the possibility and probability for better. I never thought I would get used to having to plan my medications and back ups, meals, sleep, exercise, etc. and now I can’t remember the time before. I HAVE gotten used to it. I CAN live with it all. You are NOT alone. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP. You WILL get there too; one baby step at a time.