So I was having a pretty good day today. Got a lot of cleaning accomplished and even bought a new washer and dryer (as we are in the process of buying our first home !!). Then it was like the floor was tooken from underneath me..... As it often feels when something goes wrong with my diabetes....... I had changed my pod before dinner and put it on my arm because I am trying to give my lower back and abdomen a little rest. When I initially put it in it felt okay but about 45 minutes later I felt a severe cramp in my tricep. Tears were rolling down my face as I told my husband to remove my pod immediatley. My daughter, my mother, and my niece were watching in horror as my husband removed it and I was hysterical. It was a combination of things that made me breakdown.
1) My blood sugars were a little high all day today.
2) I was in a lot of pain because I guess the pod was hitting a nerve or something.
3) I new I was wasting $50 because I had to throw out a brand new pod.
4) And the most horrible reason was the look on my daughter's face. She was so scared and worried about me. and I felt horrible that I had to put her through it. I tryed to hold in the tears and tell her everything was okay but she knew that something was wrong and I hated that I couldn't take the worry from her.
Afterwards, my husband came into the kitchen where I was replacing my pod and hugged me. I told him I hated this disease and that I wish I didn't have to put my family through these worrisome times. He said to me the words that as most to of you already know is kinda like a pet peave for me. He said " Well you could have it a lot worse". I said to him well I don't. This is my reality and to me it is the worst !!" I know he meant well but that is just not what was going to make me feel better..... So I figured instead, I would come on here and vent to you guys again because I feel that you guys will understand more of what I am going through. I want to thank you all for being here and giving me advice . I appreciate all of it and on hear I do not feel like an outsider !! Thanks guys !!
*hugs* Sorry about your crappy day. I hate having to take out a new site or sensor. It feels like a waste of supplies AND pain. Hope tomorrow is better.
i'm sorry, that doesn't seem like a good night at all!! i know when i have to change pump sites, after a few hours because it didn't go in, or whatever, it gets me mad too cause my BG's are high by the time i realize it & i have to go through the extra pain! :(
Sorry you had such a bad day... or moment. People always seem to want to show us the silver lining... which is a great quality, but sometimes what we need is some validation. It probably would have been better to hear him say something like... "...I hate this diabetes too, I hate watching it make you feel so sad and frustrated. It DOES suck! ...but you are doing the best you can, and we'll manage this together."
At least, I know that sometimes that's what I wish to hear... my bf tries so hard to be supportive, it just sucks when our definitions of support differ. I could see him saying something like ...."...it's not that bad" meaning: "Don't stress it so much" ..but when I feel like I'm breaking down, I just want to hit him with a frying pan and say "Yeah? Why don't you take 5 units of fast acting insulin, run around the block a couple of times, on an empty stomach, and come back, fall to the floor unconcious in front of our son who would LOVE to view you as his 'strength', nearly choke on a combination of your own vomit blended with a drinking box, ....and tell me "...it's not that bad."
OK, maybe THAT was overkill, but man, I hate how when people don't understand something, and want to make you feel better, they LEAP to denial. Sometimes just hearing "I know this has to be hard on you" would go a long way. Makes me think of a severe hypo, and how when I come around, whoever is trying to help me is all pale, and feels the need to go on for 20 minutes about how scary it was for them. I get that... I understand the fear involved, but man... wanna ask me if I remember my birthdate or something???? lol
Hope you have a better one today Courtney, we all understand your frustration in moments like that.
I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I've definitely had quite a few of those myself. I've only had diabetes since August but what I've realized is that people who don't have diabetes really just don't understand. I've heard so many times before "It could always be worse" and I've just really wanted to hit people who tell me that. Especially when I'm having a bad moment. I just want to be like why don't you try to live my life for one day, I guarantee that you won't last 1 hour. Having to prick my finger numerous times a day, taking insulin for everything single thing you eat and then doing everything right and still having you're sugar go out of whack. This is why I'm so glad that I have my husband. My husband is also a type 1 diabetic so when I'm having a bad day he knows exactly what I am going through and how I am feeling. He is able to just be there for me and help me through it, without him I'm sure I would be in much worse shape. It's much easier to talk to people who also are in the same situation as you and really understand what you are going through. So if you ever need to vent feel free to contact me. I hope your days get better and know that there are people here to help you through the bad ones.
Oh! But congratulations on your new home! That's exciting.
Well, I don't have the Pod, but I share similar frustrations with my MiniMed sites, just trying to find new places for it to let the others "heal" and trying not to have the tubing snagged (well, that's one good thing your Pod is for). You should have stomped on that pod! LOL!
I can't imagine the feeling of seeing your child worry for you as the parent (being that I don't have children of my own yet). But, I'm sure it's as awful as you had explained it. But, seeing that my dad has phase 4 pancreatic cancer, I'm always worried for him and I can't help crying for the pain he suffers. He always tries to tell me not to worry, but that's easier said than done and I try not to show my concerns to him because I can see it makes him suffer more to know his children are trying to comfort & care for him. I guess it's just natural parental instincts to always see it the other way around, the parent worrying for & nurturing the child instead of the child worrying for & nurturing the parent. My sister has an interesting tactic for whenever her 1 1/2 yr. old daughter gets worried over her...(My sister has a pretty stressful job and sometimes comes home quite upset.) But, her daughter will sense the upset and look at her with the utmost concern. So, my sister will ask her daughter for a hug and then tell her that sometimes adults get sad but hugs can make them feel better. When my sister was leaving from our last visit to our dad, she was crying so much. Her daughter went up to her and hugged her real tight and kissed her without having to be asked and we all immediately laughed. Her daughter smiled as well and then continued to give us all hugs and kisses for more laughs.
Anyway, thanks for venting...We all have those days. ;o)
Sorry to hear about the horrible day. I know what it feels like to have a site go bad. I have had 2 or 3 times in the last 2 months have not 1 but 2 consecative infusion sets go bad. I hate that as the supplies are not cheap, and being unemployed I would rather spend that extra money on food, gas, postage for thank you notes, ect.
I also from time to time hate this disease, having lived with it for 27 of my 30 years on this earth. It is all I know and yet I still hate having it. I try to remind myself that if it were not for this disease I would probably not be living as healthy of a life and be overweight like my brother. Hang in there, use your family and us for support and help.