Hi, Jenna!
This is probably going to be a pretty wordy post. But to start, I've had diabetes for... Let me count this... Almost nine years. And to be honest, it's been a roller coaster of a time.
I've never had much trouble with the actual numbers/doses/physical, taking-care-of-myself routines. Anyone can mash a few buttons on a pump or stick a test strip in a meter. But all the mental and emotional coping of diabetes is a different story. THAT is what's been THE most difficult aspect of living with this - for me.
Having a positive perspective about diabetes came very easily to me for several years after diagnosis. I had all the right people backing me up and telling me all the right things. As I got older, though, I obviously started having different experiences - I made more friends; I was introduced to more people. And eventually, those people started having opinions about me, about my diabetes, etc. Around the same time, I found Juvenation (typeonenation).
It was like there was a big piggy bank or jar and everyone's opinions - both good and bad - were being piled in, one after the other. And it was my job to sit there and sort them and add them up, because I thought the sum of what everyone else thought MUST be what I had to think about myself/diabetes/etc.
Trying to reconcile everyone's judgments/opinions is what thwarted my control four years ago when I took my break. I was fifteen. I didn't know how to deal with all the influences - and the way I WAS dealing with them was NOT the right way to do it.
I kind of had to reset; take a step back and listen not only to the positive influences I'd had around me since the beginning, but really try to construct my own thoughts and outlooks for myself. I'm happy with the result. Really happy with it. I've figured out, for the time being, how to be happy with who I am and what adventures I've been given.
I tried to deny diabetes for so long. For years, I didn't want diabetes to be what I was known for or associated with. I thought I could brush it off my shoulder and say it was just... another characteristic of me, basically. But it's not. And it was silly of me (personally - this is so not the case across the board) to try to ignore this part of me.
And I think that's been the biggest unexpected blessing in my life - all the struggles and questions have culminated in the opportunity for me to be happier with things, all around, and rejoin the realm/community of diabetes. To be honest, this community speaks directly to my heart. When I let myself explore diabetes and allow myself to accept the circumstances... and accept the fact that my future is probably going to be tied into diabetes, and that is SO okay... Well, I'm pretty convinced that all this is a blessing.
:)