My son is 8 years old and was diagnosed about 8 months ago. He seemed to be doing really well and very accepting in the beginning... but lately he has been a different little boy. He has not been listening as well, picking fights more with his brothers and being straight out defiant. today at supper (right after getting a shot) he took his fork and scrapped a huge mark into our dinning room table! when I asked why would he do something like that he said "I don't like having diabetes."
I responded by saying that I don't like it either but I can't make it go away and that scratching marks in my table will not make it go away and that kind of behavior is not acceptable in this house. (but inside me I felt like crying.)
I don't know how to help him and I really want to... I want my sweet little boy back! any suggestions?
I'm sorry to hear that! I'm 13 and the one thing I absolutely despise is all the poking. It makes me irritable when people ask my numbers or if i'm high and they're talking about how I shouldn't be, but I can't help it! or when someone stares at me when I'm doing something I have to like checking my BS,(my sister stares at me and it bugs me to no end!). Just sometimes everyone wants to stop diabetes. so my suggestion would be to try not to talk about diabetes even if just for a few hours. That makes me feel better and just have a sense of more normality. for me it's almost a sense of losing diabetes for a while
Ditto everything Caitlyn said. I remember it well (now 53). I hated everyone telling me to get my BS's under control (like a ten year old could do that with no medical education), "you can't eat that"... I didn't want to explain testing my blood sugars, taking insulin, not being able to eat what others were eating to my friends or classmates. Yada, yada, yada.
You might want to try making it easy for Hunter. He does his blood test, it's (what ever number). It's your job (non judgementally) to decide what needs to happen. Eat something, take some insulin... It's too much responsiblity for an 8 year old. He can/should be envolved; "what do you think, How about if we, Let's try this, next time we have (potatoes, biscuits, ice cream) remind me, to make sure I give you more insulin...
And of course, as my mother said to me when I too was at this point; I saw a little girl crying because she had no shoes, then she met a little girl who had no feet. Powerful.
Hang in there Hunter's mom. He needs all your love and attention.
My son is 8 years old and was diagnosed about 8 months ago. He seemed to be doing really well and very accepting in the beginning... but lately he has been a different little boy. He has not been listening as well, picking fights more with his brothers and being straight out defiant. today at supper (right after getting a shot) he took his fork and scrapped a huge mark into our dinning room table! when I asked why would he do something like that he said "I don't like having diabetes."
I responded by saying that I don't like it either but I can't make it go away and that scratching marks in my table will not make it go away and that kind of behavior is not acceptable in this house. (but inside me I felt like crying.)
I don't know how to help him and I really want to... I want my sweet little boy back! any suggestions?
Thanks
Hunter's Mom
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Diabetes is a lot to deal with especially when you are the only one in the family who has it. Do you make him different food, or does he eat the same as everybody else? A lot of what kids don't want when they have a chronic illness is to be looked at, or treated differently than others. He is probably picking fights because he doesn't know how to deal with the anger and hurt he feels towards his body for getting sick.
I don't know if you have looked into this or not, but I was told to seek counseling when I was diagnosed. My doctor said that she makes all newly diagnosed patients go to counseling...it would also be good for him to have a non family member to talk to about everything. Sometimes having a place to vent about how much we hate diabetes is healthy. As far as the fork and your table are concerned...you need to teach him a coping mechanism. A counselor can help with this. S/he will make him aware of what he is doing and provide and alternate source into which he can let his emotions flow into. Let him overlook as you are on this site so he can see that there are normal successful people who deal with the same disease as him. One day there will be a cure, but until then we all need to just hang in there.
My son is 8 years old and was diagnosed about 8 months ago. He seemed to be doing really well and very accepting in the beginning... but lately he has been a different little boy. He has not been listening as well, picking fights more with his brothers and being straight out defiant. today at supper (right after getting a shot) he took his fork and scrapped a huge mark into our dinning room table! when I asked why would he do something like that he said "I don't like having diabetes."
I responded by saying that I don't like it either but I can't make it go away and that scratching marks in my table will not make it go away and that kind of behavior is not acceptable in this house. (but inside me I felt like crying.)
I don't know how to help him and I really want to... I want my sweet little boy back! any suggestions?
Thanks
Hunter's Mom
[/quote]
Diabetes is a lot to deal with especially when you are the only one in the family who has it. Do you make him different food, or does he eat the same as everybody else? A lot of what kids don't want when they have a chronic illness is to be looked at, or treated differently than others. He is probably picking fights because he doesn't know how to deal with the anger and hurt he feels towards his body for getting sick.
I don't know if you have looked into this or not, but I was told to seek counseling when I was diagnosed. My doctor said that she makes all newly diagnosed patients go to counseling...it would also be good for him to have a non family member to talk to about everything. Sometimes having a place to vent about how much we hate diabetes is healthy. As far as the fork and your table are concerned...you need to teach him a coping mechanism. A counselor can help with this. S/he will make him aware of what he is doing and provide and alternate source into which he can let his emotions flow into. Let him overlook as you are on this site so he can see that there are normal successful people who deal with the same disease as him. One day there will be a cure, but until then we all need to just hang in there.
That makes sense that 8 months after dx it's hit home it's not going away. And, it's hard, esp as a child, to figure out the right way to express your anger and frustration. Even today, I'll get annoyed at a high BG and take it out on my poor husband.
As well as maybe doing counseling, have you looked for groups of other kids with T1 that he could relate to? JDRF has groups, and there are diabetic summer camps for the this coming summer. Also, in college, I worked at a pediatric endo's office, and they did twice a year educational events for parents where they had separate activities for the kids.
I think it's okay for him to see you feel sad and frustrated too. Could you make a list of things you two could do when you're feeling angry or upset? (Run around the block, go out in the yard and yell, throw a ball against a wall 10 times, write down 5 things that are annoying about D, or whatever he wants...)
Thanks guys! I think I will look into getting him some counseling and help teach him some coping skills. We at home try not to treat him differently. He eats the same food as everyone else. We did this week have a tough Diabetes week. We had some issues with the bus and the boys had to move to another bus. Then He went on a class trip and forgot his meter and was not able to go swimming.... so it was a hard week on him and we did expect some feelings to come from that but I was surprised at how they came out!
Thank you all for your advise! I will be looking in to getting Hunter some help and maybe me too!
Let him know that it is OK to be sad and mad about diabetes. My son was younger at dx, (3.5 yr) so we had the tantrums and misbehavior earlier. I can totally see an 8 yr old accepting it at first before it really sinks in that this is 'forever'. I put a lot of attention on talking with my son about his feelings and letting him know it is always OK to talk with me about it, but he can't hurt other people or other people's things when he's mad. We still talk about it a lot. It is really frustrating but I am finding it is one thing that I really love about parenting. (Mostly because I don't really remember my parents ever telling me to talk about my feelings or why I would get so upset about some things they would do.)
And you will have tough D weeks. (Why they always seem to be weeks not just days, I do not know). That would have been so frustrating the no swimming part. If it were me I probably would have cried the whole time! It is more risky, but we have been without a meter too and I just give my son some extra snack to prevent a low and deal with correcting the likely high later. Would be up to you and his teachers if that would have been OK in this instance, but I would do just about anything to keep things as 'undifferent' as possible.
I think it's something that every kid goes through something like that. I know I did and for months I didn't check often. When I went to the doctor, I was asked why and I told them that it was because I was sick of having diabetes. What my parents did was they showed me that there were people worse off than I am and that we have to deal with what we're dealt. They tried to take me to counseling but I hated it...you could try it maybe but show him that he's the same as everyone else.
Hi Sandra. I've struggled with denial my whole life. When I saw my pediatric endocrinologist, he actually had a child psychologist on staff. Talking to her was embarrassing at first, but then they suggested going to summer camp for kids with diabetes. I met a lot of awesome kids who were going through the same thing I was. It could help!
I don't really have any suggestions, and am sorry to hear that. . we also are going through some of the same things, my daughter just turned 8 and was diagnosed with diabetes 6 months ago. we too had a couple of out burst with how much she hates having diabetes and although I responed the same as you, All I wanted to do was cry and snap my fingers to make this all go away. every day is a challenge to find ways to fit diabetes into our life instead of living our life around diabetes. in the end the diabetes always win the battle ( of course.) she feels alone like she is different from everyone eles.I have found that most people don't understand what they are going through. I hope you can find some kind of comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I believe this is a normal part of learning how to live with this new world of diabetes .
Awwwwwww...well i know exactly how he feels! it is hard alot of the time! when i feel like that i just take a deep breath, and take a hot bath or something. But i agree with everyone else that not talking about it or just not thinking about it really helps me ALOT!!!!! hope he feels better:)
DId your son have a chance to go to camp? It really can be a miracle. We have a local type 1 group that gets together once a month from people in our town and a few other nearby towns and the kids get to hang out. They really get along well. If you can find some other boys with type 1 about his age nearby perhaps you can have some play dates. WHen he meets other kids that have to go through the same things it will help make it less overwhelming. He'll see it can be done and have fun anyway.