let your friend rest in peace and happiness
Charlie, I saw your post and thought you could use a friend right now. Honest I couldn’t help but respond because I actually do know what you’re going through and I know how rough it is and how hurtful it can be.
A few years back my best friend’s father committed suicide – one of the hardest phone calls I ever received. And then in 8th grade another close friend attempted it multiple times, after depression, cutting her wrists, etc. She told me what was going on before she succeeded, however, and even though she hates me for it to this day she got the help she needed.
I know exactly where you’re coming from, so I’m trying to think back on how I dealt with this and eventually healed from it… I’m trying to think of something that will help you.
When my friend’s dad committed suicide, the very same night she called my house. Her mom talked to mine, explained what had happened and that she wanted to tell me – would that be alright? We talked for hours, and cried, that night. Even now we still talk about it; mainly I tried just to be there for her. Because even if I didn’t have the answers, I could guarantee for her that everything would be OK one day, the same way I can guarantee that for you.
Hurting yourself because someone else hurt themselves, I’m sure you know, is wrong. But it’s most definitely something that crosses the mind multiple times after someone commits suicide. I was probably 10 or 11 years old when her dad did, so I had never been so exposed to death – or the ability to do that to oneself – before in my entire life. In all honesty I hope to never be exposed to it that way again. In the long run it made me question a lot of things – why would someone do that? How did they see death as their only way out? Was there something different I could have said or done? Could I end up doing that to myself? I’m not unhappy at the moment, but what if…
It’s most definitely a lot of what if’s. But I think what made me realize I wasn’t willing to hurt myself is thinking about how much it affected me to have that person die. If I did that to myself I would be recreating the same exact thing in people close to me. Two wrongs don’t make a right, neither does hurting yourself because someone else hurt themselves.
That actually just reminded me about my friend who attempted suicide. She was hurting herself because her friend had recently gone to jail – she was missing him and felt utterly helpless without him. What confused me was how she couldn’t see a different way to feel better about the situation. There are so, so many things to do other than hurt yourself or commit suicide yourself. What do you like to do, Charlie? I know you like to write. Write a story. Draw a picture. Take a freaking shower or just curl up and fall asleep. Some nights after these two incidents happened, it was too much to think about. Too many possibilities, too many regrets, too much I needed to be strong for. Those were the nights I just gave into living, and just lived for the sake of being alive. Those were the nights I took a shower, or just fell asleep reading a book – went bowling with friends or watched airplanes on a boat. Every second I was with somebody else helped me.
Unfortunately it’s the other person’s problem for committing suicide. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks and hurts like crazy to be affected like that. But you didn’t make him do it, you didn’t tell him to do it. Not only is there nothing you could have said or done to change what happened, but there is nothing you can do now. Jeff is right, Charlie, you don’t want to hurt yourself. You don’t want this to happen again but with you this time. There are so many better things in life that as bad as this hurts, give it time and it will get better. Every second is a victory against pain in it of itself. I honestly believe people and time helps. Surround yourself with life, because wherever your friend is he’s OK now. Don’t worry for him, and don’t do anything to yourself because of him. Just like I wish my friend had done so many years ago I wish you see all the things you can do. It won’t make what happened change and it won’t make it go away. But it sure makes dealing with it a lot easier in the end.
Don’t beat yourself up or hurt yourself for something someone else did. One person can affect so many because that person was loved. You’re loved, too, Charlie, and no one wants anything bad to happen to you. Just because your friend made a bad choice to hurt himself doesn’t mean you have to. Ask yourself it that’s really what you want? Do you honestly think you’d feel better if you hurt yourself? If you ended up on the same path? That’s exactly what I had to ask myselfwhen I went through the same thing a few years ago. It will get better. It may be rough, but it will get better. I promise you. Hurting will not help.
I guess the point to this extremely verbose post is what everyone else is saying, to please don’t hurt yourself over this. Nothing that happened was your fault – you couldn’t control that. But you cancontrol this. And you couldn’t control who got hurt when your friend did that, but you can control who doesn’t get hurt now. Do not hurt yourself, Charlie. Every single second – you don’t even know it but it’s getting better. And one day you’ll wake up and you won’t hurt as much as you do now. You will get there; I’ve gotten there. It took me a little bit of time and a lot of effort, but I swear to you from first hand experience that getting through the pain is a heck of a lot better, easier, and safer than creating more pain on purpose.
Tonight may have been the end – for his life. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of him, his memory, his soul, etc. And Charlie it may be an end in one perspective, but it’s also the beginning of so many things. Make this a good beginning. Don’t make it the beginning of following his path by hurting yourself. You’re in my prayers, Charlie, I pray for your peace of mind and for the hurt to heal. And for you to be safe.
Also, know that you aren’t alone. Lately I’ve been asking myself what does talking problems out have to do with anything? It’s not like it makes any of them go away, or like anyone can give me the answers. But lately I’ve also realized that no, talking may not do that for me – but it does make it easier to be strong. Because instead of having to be strong alone there’s someone else alongside me carrying this weight and supporting me as well. So even if you don’t feel or see it right away, I swear to you that talking does help.
Everything will be OK, Charlie. Everything will be OK.
from Alyssa
[quote user="Jeff"]
Police can do a lot of things...talk to you and relate, try to relate..give you numbers to a professional grieving counselor..bring you to someone to talk to...some departments offer somethig called mobile crisis which is a police officer and a nurse who come to you and talk to you
[/quote]
Ok Jeff heres the thing im goign to try and be nice considering the state im in. I dont need peopel prying into my head. i get that 6 times a week. i do appreciate you trying to help but by actually recomending talking to someone else it drives me crazy.
Charlie,
These are some numbers you can call:
Rainbow Youth Line: 1-877-542-8984
1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Please can you call one of these numbers. I am really worried.
Charlie if you need people to talk to i can stay up all night if you want someone to talk to...i took my 7 hour energy shot already so if you need to chit chat...chat away!!!
Sorry to hear of your loss
[quote user="Wolf"]
Sorry to hear of your loss
[/quote]
thank you.
[quote user="Jeff"]
Charlie if you need people to talk to i can stay up all night if you want someone to talk to...i took my 7 hour energy shot already so if you need to chit chat...chat away!!!
[/quote]
i have school to deal with tomorrow and i might be going soon. but thank you maybe if your up for it tomorrow and im still feeling the smae way i might take you up on that offer
[quote user="Kim"]
Charlie... I am sending positive thoughts your way. I don't know how it feels, or what you're going through exactly, but I hope that you can find something/someone to help you through this. We're all here to listen if you want to talk.
[/quote]
thank you Kim
[quote user="Courtenay"]
let your friend rest in peace and happiness
[/quote]
i get to plan my first funeral
Ok. Well if you can stay up to talk. If you decide to go to bed, then dont lay there and think about everything that is going on. just go to sleep and get a goodnights sleep
[quote user="Jeff"]
Ok. Well if you can stay up to talk. If you decide to go to bed, then dont lay there and think about everything that is going on. just go to sleep and get a goodnights sleep
[/quote]
if i cant sleep ill be back on you'll see me
Charlie,
We are here for you anytime day or night. We care about you, and want you to know that you are worth it.
What school you go to? a high school?!?! I loved high school, best times of my life!!!You like it
[quote user="Jeff"]
What school you go to? a high school?!?! I loved high school, best times of my life!!!You like it
[/quote]
no im in 9th grade. im goign to start 10th grade soon. i go tto Dartmoor, why am i telling a stranger theses thigns. great noe im phsychotic and i cant spell.
dude your 18 right? not that long ago
your not psychotic...and it seems like forever ago though...the working field is nuts!! lol, but fun!! And im a horrible speller too, can you say spell check!!! HAHA...is sammamish a small town or like a city?? I love the city life!!
[quote user="Jeff"]
your not psychotic...and it seems like forever ago though...the working field is nuts!! lol, but fun!! And im a horrible speller too, can you say spell check!!! HAHA...is sammamish a small town or like a city?? I love the city life!!
[/quote]
yes ia m sometimes, >.> well you must love what you do. HAHA uh both?
Charlie, you are not pyschotic. You are just having a rough patch right now, but it will get better for you. Hopefully, talking to us tonite has made you feel better a little?????
We can all use spellcheck LOL
I do love what i do!! Helping people, gettin bad guys off the streets of my hometown, meeting cool people everyday, as yourself!! Both? What is it like country with some city life or something? lol