I was diagnosed about 24 years ago. My family was great and my mother especially was highly involved with my diabetes care. We did the walks, I went to camp, it was great. But then real life started to get crazy and we all became more and more detached for the T1 community as I went into middle school.
This is when I believe I had my first experience with depression.
It’s so stange to look back on that time and feel like I see it so clearly… to understand what was happening to me when, at the time, I had absolutely no clue. My dear parents seemed to understand even less. Things were really dark for me and it started to become noticable to my parents… but I don’t think they knew what to do. I have a memory of my dad driving me to school one morning. We were very quiet in the car and he asked me if I needed help… to see a councilor or mental health professional. My 13 year-old-self was actually offended. Things went from bad to worse… but I came out on the other side.
I’ve experienced some dark moments during college (being away from my family/support system) and after college when I moved into the ‘real’ world. The Ups and Downs have been headspinning. The whole time, I have not really had anyone that I could speak to. My friends have been great, but they don’t/can’t possibly understand (That seems to be a theme in a LOT of the posts I’ve been reading).
In finding this community I find myself overwhelmed in reading your stories. My heart breaks and I am finding a deeper understanding of myself and my feelings toward my T1D. It’s like seeing the world anew or coming to a new country. I have started to understand and acknowledge my depression and anxiety - although it is very difficult to say these things outloud. In the times I have tried to speak to my husband or a friend about these feelings, I find myself nearly breaking down. Saying it outloud makes it… more true? I’m not sure.
I hope that I can find some solace by coming back to the T1 community.