My son was diagnosed when he was 9. He is now 14 and wants to be totally independent with his diabetes. My husband and I would be totally fine with this but he is being a typical rebelous teen. He very rarely will test his blood sugar, he does not bolus his insulin when he eats (he will usually give himself his insulin long after a meal or just totally forget). He is seening a diabetes counsler and our endo's nurse is also keeping tabs on him, but he is still not taking proper care of himself. I am sooooo worried.
Hi Judi. I don't really have advice, but just wanted to say I think it's normal. As long as he's seeing the counselor and nurse, that shows he is taking some responsibility. He will probably grow out of it. I was diagnosed when I was 10. And I think from the age of 15-18 I NEVER tested. Ever. Not once. I didn't even have a meter. But it was a phase and I am now a very tightly controlled adult with no complications. I don't really know what changed with me, other than aging.
I agree. I think most T1 Diabetics who were diagnosed as children had some sort of rebellious/neglectful stage. Just keep him going to the doctor and educator regularly. Eventually he'll get tired of feeling stupid when they ask him why he didn't test for a week.
I'm not a parent, so I don't know if this the best advice; I'm still in high school myself, but maybe your son doesn't realize how not taking care of
himself like this will affect him in the long run. He might understand
better if you or someone explains how seriously unhealthy those habits
are, and how frequent high blood sugars do damage to his internal organs
and nervous system, which can sometimes lead to complications like organ failure and nerve damage, which is resolved with organ transplantation or amputations. It's a really crappy situation, but he should understand how his actions now will affect his adult life.
I don't know if everyone goes through this stage, but I know I did. My mom, parents, doctor, everyone hated it. My A1C was around 11 something at one point or another. Nothing will change until he realizes he needs to take care himself for him and not anyone else.
I finally realized I was only hurting myself by not doing it, and finally I am on the track to bring my A1C down to where it should be. Good Luck, and my advice would be to not nag him about it even though you know you are doing it for him... he probably doesn't see it that way.
This probably didn't help, but I hope he realizes how important it is sooner than I did.
This happens to so many of us - but please find comfort in the fact that many before him have gone thorugh something similar and come out the other side just fine.
I don't know that there is any magical answer to how to "fix" it. It was a combination of things that helped me become motivated again - support from other T1's, finding the diabetes online community (DOC) and reading other people's stories and blogs, and getting equipment that better fit my needs (insulin pump, CGM). Does he have anyone his age who has type 1 that he can talk to or hang out with? It's hard at that age for anyone, but when you throw type 1 into the mix too, it can be a lot to handle on your own. Does he use this site at all?
It's hard to watch someone you love not do everything they can to take care of themselves. Nothing is easy about it. Just be there for him as much as you can. Hugs help, too.
I write a lot about the struggle I've had with acceptance and motivation, as they relate to my diabetes care, on my blog. Like I said, sometimes even reading about someone else who is or has gone thorugh the same things can help a person feel a bit better. If you think it will help, send him the link I have at the bottom of my posts.
I feel that I relate so well to what your son is going through. I am 24 now and I am finally starting to take care of myself. I don't really know what it is like from a parent's perspective but I can tell you now that when i was going through this stage, I was very hard on keeping my parents out and uninvolved. I almost felt that if I ignored it then it wasn't really there. I don't know any good advice and I am sorry about that, I think you just come to grips with yourself eventually and realize that you HAVE to deal with it. Sites like these always help motivate, but I don't know if your son will want to join. I would say the best thing to do is to continently pester. You can give him the independence to take care of himself but always ask, "what was your last sugar" "did you test before dinner" "do you have glucose tabs in your pocket". He might get frustrated and annoyed with you, and maybe snap a few times, but in the long run he will be happy that you took the initiative to ask. I can tell you now from my experience that I am glad my mother did that to me, even if I wasn't always very nice growing up.
As a mom my knee jerk reaction is to get involved more so. He is your son and as with any of his other responsibilities if he isnt managing his D then take privileges away. If he isnt going to take care of himself then let him know you will and he has no say in it. Talk to him first though. Let him know you know this sucks for him but its not going to go away. Be there for him but then let him know he has now until his next A1C to get this under control and his numbers down or you will be taking over. You will be showing up at school daily to test and inject him if need be ect. I mean I know if my kids were messing around not getting the grades they should I would be showing up at the school so its no different to me.
I could be way off from what most T-1's would say would work tho. I dont know but I am the parent and until my kids leave home I am in charge of their well being. I mean maybe he needs to see you care even if he doesnt right now.
Know I am not judging I am putting myself in your shoes with my own daughter. I think as parents we fear pushing our kids away when we parent them at this age. I know my own parents did.
my son is 12 years old with type one . he is doing good now . we still have our days but we went through what you are going throught it may seem harsh but my son was grounded almost the hole summer because of it . he wanted the pump he wanted to be on basketball team for school . so all of us his dad me and the dr told him he keeps his sugars good for the 3 months and the next visit he could be put on the pump and he did no more 400 or 500 blood sugars. its hard cuz as mothers you want to jump in and just do everything but we need to think about their future we wont be around for ever they need to learn to take care of them self we cant go to collage with them or work . its never perfect but we are dealing with it . my son is now on the pump and the basketball team but he also know that he needs to take care of himself or i will take him off the team . he loves to play but he hates to stop and check his blood sugar
I was diagnosed at 4 and didn't rebel against my diabetes until I was about 12. As a teen I rarely tested, skipped shots, and ate whatever. My A1cs were in the 12-16 range. I met with diabetes counselors and heard lots of lectures about complications, but it didn't make a difference. I just had to grow up. Started taking better care of myself when I was about 25. Now I'm 37 and am thankful to be complication free and to have a normal life with a great husband and son. Wish I hadn't wasted so much time being dopey, but I think most people would say that of their youth.
I was diagnosed at 4 and didn't rebel against my diabetes until I was about 12. As a teen I rarely tested, skipped shots, and ate whatever. My A1cs were in the 12-16 range. I met with diabetes counselors and heard lots of lectures about complications, but it didn't make a difference. I just had to grow up. Started taking better care of myself when I was about 25. Now I'm 37 and am thankful to be complication free and to have a normal life with a great husband and son. Wish I hadn't wasted so much time being dopey, but I think most people would say that of their youth.
When I was a teen, chats about complications really didn't need make a difference... It's something that you feel will never happen to you... It is just that far away! And having the parental units nag and nag about sugars may create or increase resentment towards diabetes, as well as add stress to the relationship... And that relationship already has enough factors that can make it finicky...
My mom let me keep my independence when I slacked off... The deal was I had to leave my journal out on the bathroom counter at night and she'd take a quick look. If things were too all over the place, we'd have a chat and book an appointment with my diabetes nurses. If she saw that I was running low, she'd know to wake me up at midnight to test. I liked this approach because it proved to me that my mom trusted me, but was there to help when needed. In the long run, I believe that that helped strengthen our relationship. My slacking phase lasted for a couple of years in my teens, and then for another couple in uni... At 28, things are mostly back on track... Like others have suggested, it's just part of growing up. Good luck!
Thank you for your response. I do hope it is just a phase. If you don't mind me asking, what caused you to start testing and taking care of yourself?
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I don't really know. I think it was just part of aging/maturing. Diabetes means something different to a 10-yr-old vs. 15-yr-old vs. 30-yr old, know what I mean? My mom was also T1. She never lectured or punished me and I have always disagreed with the people who suggest that route. The most she ever did was ask me before each meal, "Did you shoot up?" before she served my plate up. However, she modeled good control on herself and both my parents lived healthy lifestyles, and that was really valued in our household. As I grew up, it became a value to me too.
I was diagnosed when I was 6, back in 1945. I don't know why I did not rebel during my teen years. After 65 years of type 1, I am very healthy. If I had not taken care of myself during my teen years, I might not be here today.
hey, i'm 16 and i started taking care of myself aournd his age too. It was kind of hard at first to remember being really busy with school and sports, but i got used to it after a while. He NEEDS to realize how important it is. One thing that helped the most was my friends, they always made sure i was checking and even my coaches. If his friends help him out, i mean really help him, that will be a good thing too. He's going to listen to them a little more. I know you want him to listen to you and i'm not saying dont remind him once in a while but we're teens and we listen to our friends a little more and it does help because they're our age. It's easier to talk to someone our own age about stuff. I didnt know anyone with type 1 when i was 14 so having them support me helped out.
Hope that helped out a little, if i can do anything else just ask.
I was diagnosed when I was 6, back in 1945. I don't know why I did not rebel during my teen years. After 65 years of type 1, I am very healthy. If I had not taken care of myself during my teen years, I might not be here today.
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As someone who has had D for 21 years and didn't take care of herself for quite a few years, I can tell you that we also can live long, healthy lives ;o)
whn I was diagnosed I was just 15 and it was this past feb. From the first day an the first shot i was completly independent. I was on my own. I guess my mom trusted me. So if you trust that he can do it then i would let him have little by little freedom.i think it will make him feel like you trust him an if he starts to slack take that freedom back.
Is there a teen diabetes camp he can go to? I know it has made a big difference in many teens lives. All that I spoke to did not want to go...but they were all thankful they did. For many it is a turning point.
I liked what TR-Ah said about the notebook in the bathroom as one way of communicating - could leave his meter there too at night if he doesn't keep a notebook. (I hate doing that part for my son, so I could never force him to keep one!)
I suggest telling him that you want him to be independent, but he has to demonstrate it. One suggestion is 1 five-minute meeting every day to talk about all things D, look at his meter, notebook, etc. If his numbers are 50% in target range, then all good and there is no more talking, nagging from parents for the day. (No reminders to check before a meal, asking if he bolused, etc.) (Of course, you will always have your watchful eye!) If there are no tests, numbers are all high, etc. then you need to agree on what will be done better the next day and what you as the parent will be responsible for in ensuring it happens. You could make it at the time of day he takes his Lantus and then at least you can see him do that shot and know that at least that is getting in. You can break this down into as many baby steps as you are comfortable with and that he will agree to.
Bringing in friends, others he trusts and can talk to, is also important and will really be the key in helping him get thru this. If he is talking with a D counselor, I think that is a great step in the right direction.