Ha, ha! I love your post. Your daughter is a lucky girl to have you! First, I have to say that she is so newly diagnosed. It's normal and healthy to be more concerned while you are both learning about her daily needs. My comments are from when I had been diagnosed for years.
1. Being on a strict food plan frustrated me. I would sneak candy and extra food b/c of all the limitations and ended up with weight issues in high school that didn't resolve until college.This wasn't my parents' fault per se b/c it was the recommended care at the time. But, the more freedom (within reason of course) she has to eat and not eat as she wishes and not being overly focused on food is positive for a girl growing up.
2. My Dad basically ignored my D, and I wished he would have at least acknowlegded more that I had this extra burden growing up.
3. The positive thing they did was try not to let it stop me from doing anything. When I was 16, I saved for half of the ticket price, and my parents let me fly alone to Tokyo for 2 weeks. When I was 17, I also went camping on the French coast one summer for a month. I survived all of it, lol.
4. Going away to a T1 summer camp as a little girl was positive for me. I had time away when I was young, but I was well cared for there. I didn't want to go initially but they encouraged me to go.
My dad's the same way! Pretty much every three months for about 2 meals he reminds me to bolus 15 minutes before we eat and then after that he doesn't acknowledge diabetes AT ALL. He definitely doesn't know how it is constantly on my mind, but I think his ignorance is because he's realized how independent I am about diabetes and he feels he doesn't have to worry about it. Part of his lack of involvement also has to do with the fact that my parents are divorced, though.
My mom is very involved on the other hand. She usually asks at least once a day what my blood sugar is, especially if I'm treating a low. She's always concerned when I leave the house for an extended period - namely that I have my meter and enough glucose tabs, which I find extremely irritating because I know what supplies I need to bring with me. I feel comfortable going to her with problems and I know she doesn't judge me if things aren't perfect, though, unlike my dad who suddenly gets worried then angry if I have any severe lows.
It's important to find a balance between helping your daughter and ceaselessly bothering her when she doesn't need it. With anyone, it's better to be overprotective than ignorant and because you are new(er?) to the diabetes routine, it is especially crucial to maintain control while you are learning the ropes. It helps to learn to trust others (like the school nurse) with your daughter's care though, so that you don't become obsessive about her numbers. Part of learning is making mistakes and mistakes are inevitable in the world of diabetes.
Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring mother.