I'm struggling... A LOT

I was diagnosed when I was 8. I did good handling and controlling my diabetes until about the 8th grade (I’m in 11th grade now). I know that I’m a “bad diabetic”, I don’t always take my insulin, and sometimes I only check my blood sugar twice a day. My mom is also a T1 diabetic, and she does much better than I do. It’s frustrating a lot of the time because she doesn’t understand my thought process on not taking insulin or not checking my blood sugar. I’ve just noticed that I have become really depressed and anxiety prone and I strongly believe that having diabetes has a lot to do with it. I’m just really needing some advice from people who have felt similar to the way I feel.
Thanks in advance

i totally understand how you’re feeling lauren. i was diagnosed at 9 and was really good with it up until the 6th grade. just recently i was put into the icu of my local children’s hospital because i was in dka so bad for not taking care of myself. i reccommend you find something that really helps you cope, for me i started to journal to get my thoughts and feelings out and to express how i feel. i’m always being yelled at my doctors because i’m really bad at taking care of my diabetes (i know they want the best for me). what do you like to do? maybe i can help you come up with ways to incoperate that into helping you with managing your diabetes. remember failing means at least you’re trying! :heartbeat:

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You’re not alone. I was the exact same way at your age. Personally for me, when I would deliberately not take insulin or check my blood I think I just wanted to be “normal.” The wanting to feel what it felt like to not have to worry about your health EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ive also had it since age 8, so it’s been 28 yrs living with this, and it doesn’t get any easier. Well, maybe a little bit with the CGM. I eventually got fed up of feeling sick and tired all the time from not taking care of myself. I also wanted to get my drivers license to have more independence and my dr wouldn’t sign my papers unless I was in control. So, that was a motivation. I also started having a lot of anxiety about possible complications from this disease. I didn’t want this disease to control me anymore, I wanted to take it on. It’s not always easy, I’m not one of those who eats a low carb diet, so it’s takes planning to control it. As long as my a1c doesn’t go above 8, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I want to live, and I’ll do it living my life the way I want.
It’s very common for t1d’s to go through this stage. You’ll eventually find your WHY


@01laurenpaige hi Lauren, me too. you are not alone. my story includes many years of untreated depression and a kind of a place where I hated myself so much I wanted to die but was too afraid to.

I think we all go through the same kinds of despair. I urge you to find someone like a therapist to talk to because depression and diabetes are related. You can’t “snap out” of clinical depression.

it is a long road to acceptance, no one gets to take a shortcut. for me it was all about wishing I didn’t have diabetes. when I was done wasting energy, i felt better.

talk about it, try to get involved - maybe a JDRF walk or run/ride because when you are doing something positive, you’ll find it can feel better. They have diabetes camps for kids maybe you could consider being a counselor or even reading and responding to people on this forum - you know a lot about it now don’t underestimate your value to some newbie who is also feeling despair.

we’ve all been there. A pain shared is half the pain.

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Hi Lauren!
I spent the last 27 years trying to manage my diabetes and be normal. :blush: Totally Frustrating!!! Every day has been a roller coaster - even with an awesome pump & cgm (omnipod + Dexcom). Diabetes is 24/7 and exhausting AND not the same for everyone. I recently came across DiaTribe and Adam Brown’s Bright spots and landmines. https://brightspotsandlandmines.org Life Changer!!!

What an awesome resource!!! He doesn’t tell you completely new things (there are a few new items) - but he gives you the things that help bg control and things that totally blow control up. And all it takes is one or two items to make an impact!

For me - I spent years chasing after carbs and highs and failing - I am extremely carb sensitive - even with a pump. Through this book,I figured out 22carbs per meal is my max - and less is even better - and if I went over, it wasn’t worth the BG roller coaster that would follow … and getting my sleep. My sugars are so much better with 8 hours instead of 5 or 6. Best part? I felt so much better! It made me want to stay in range.

You only have one you … you are amazing and stronger than you know - diabetes is not for wimps! :wink: Tacklle & take control of it by showing it who is boss - YOU! :blush::kissing_heart:

Hey Lauren, I completely understand how you feel. Depression is common with type 1 diabetics. Its a HARD disease, and it does feel like you are all alone. I don’t know many people (in real life) with diabetes, so I often don’t have anyone who understands. I would suggest trying to get a continuous glucose monitor. I didn’t get one until about a year ago and I LOVE IT. Remember, high and low blood sugar feel AWFUL. Taking insulin really does make you feel better and your brain work better. As hard as diabetes is, it is manageable. What is your thought process when you don’t take insulin? What are the reasons?

It’s called burn out and it’s totally normal. I didn’t do a great job of managing my T1D when I was in high school either! I have now graduated college and have had some of the best A1Cs! You can do it girl!

Hey All! Find a JDRF YLC committee near you! It is the Young Leadership Committee and they are in most major US cities. I have been a part of the YLC in SF, San Jose and Washington, D.C. Let me know if I can connect you to one. They are awesome and hold various HH and fundraising events. All are welcome of all ages. T1D and friends of type ones. :slight_smile:

I was diagnosed at 5 and now 50…I had same problems, but didnt know it was Clinical Depression till 2 years ago. Affected my BG, eating, sleep and feelings .Talk to Endo and Dr. You might need a medication for a bit .