Frustrated with being the only '1'

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I have had t1 for 5 and a half years, and am the only one in my family that has been affected (thank goodness).  I like to talk to my husband (whom I have been with since before I was dxed) and other family members about my successes and challenges (simply because I like them to be aware of what's happening with me and my health) but sometimes I feel like they are listening but not hearing my comments, fears, worries, and so on. 

 I feel like they just smile and nod to get me to STFU about something they don't either care about at that time or know enough about to wanna try to care.  Case and point, I was reading something from a post here outloud to my husband and he looked at me like I had grown a third eye.  When I asked him what was up, he said "I'm listening" (obviously not--it wasn't an "I'm listening moment )*sigh*

I'm curious if any of you guys have felt this way.  Isolated, ignored, forgotten, the only '1'?

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Yes Melinda, it has always been that way with my relatives, neighbors and friends. I hate to say it, but it is that way with my grown sons, and occasionally with my wife too. They do not really understand diabetes and they cannot relate to some of the things I discuss with them. I am so thankful that we can talk online to so many people who are like us, and they understand exactly what is going on in our lives. I bet you agree with that.

Richard

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[quote user="Melinda"]

I have had t1 for 5 and a half years, and am the only one in my family that has been affected (thank goodness).  I like to talk to my husband (whom I have been with since before I was dxed) and other family members about my successes and challenges (simply because I like them to be aware of what's happening with me and my health) but sometimes I feel like they are listening but not hearing my comments, fears, worries, and so on. 

 I feel like they just smile and nod to get me to STFU about something they don't either care about at that time or know enough about to wanna try to care.  Case and point, I was reading something from a post here outloud to my husband and he looked at me like I had grown a third eye.  When I asked him what was up, he said "I'm listening" (obviously not--it wasn't an "I'm listening moment )*sigh*

I'm curious if any of you guys have felt this way.  Isolated, ignored, forgotten, the only '1'?

[/quote]

i'm the only type 1 in my generation-surrounded by a bunch who had type 2, granny had type 1. sometimes it frustrates me to see all these commersals for diabetes care and most of the folk are type 2. hardly we see some for us with type 1. sometimes my DH does not understand what i'm going through. but he is more understanding to me now since my dx. hang in there.

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Nope!! I feel the same way. I am lucky enough to be the first in my family. LOL I also got to do it at 52, so I know the feeling of being isolated. Thank goodness for places like this!!!  Here we are never ignored, forgotten and have plenty friends.

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Hi Melinda. I understand how you are feeling. It is really sad to know that the people who are important to us are the ones who neglected us. Sometimes I feel that too.4 years ago I was hospitalized and my husband didn't care much and did not even take care of me, he just go and visit for a while. It was very hurting. Good thing my parents are there for me and supported me.

 

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Melinda, I know exactly how you feel and I empathize with you.  Understanding this disease is one thing:  anyone can read up on it, attend seminars, participate in fundraising activities, etc.  However, and the term that Richard used is bang on, not everyone can "relate" or appreciate exactly what we go through.  A lot of people think that Type 1 diabetes is just about the needles and finger-pricks.  If it was just that, and I could live my life completely freely without worrying about anything else, it would be easy!  But, we all know it's not that way...  there's so much more to this.

Dealing with high and low BGs is, of course, one of the added difficulties.  But then there is also worrying about long-term complications...  And, the motional side of it is a whole other story too!  I still, at my advanced age (41), still have crying fits every once in a while, especially (excuse me, gentlemen!) at certain "times of the month" when I am feeling more emotionally vulnerable.  But I don't see anything wrong with that, mostly because I also don't tend to dwell on the negative aspects.

I recently got super excited, like a kid at Christmas time, about trying some new infusion sets.  I seriously could not stop talking about it for days!  Just like your husband, mine finally looked at me and said "I'm really sorry, I can't listen to you about this anymore".  I was slightly hurt, but at the same time, I could understand; again, it goes back to him not being able to relate to my level of excitement. 

I guess an analogy can me made to a few years ago, before I started getting "into" NFL football, and really knew nothing about the game, let alone the teams, I would listen to him going on about such and such playing, rushing so many yards, interceptions, 2 point conversions...  all Greek to me at the time!  Would the boredom eventually show in my face, as I was hearing but not necessarily listening to his banter?  Of course!  Since I started getting interested in the game, I have learned a lot, by watching, listening and reading about it, but he still cannot get into the details too much, or I lose interest because I can't quite comprehend.  It's not that I don't "care" about my husband and his interests, but I just can't always "relate".  Make sense?

As others have already stated, I also rely quite a bit on the support I get through Juvenation, as well as through Facebook, where I have also hooked up with a good number of diabetic friends.  Hang in there Melinda and know that there are a lot of people who understand, but also A LOT who understand and can relate!  

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Hi Melinda - I think most of us probably feel that from time to time. I know I do.  I have a very caring husband who I think comes close to being the ideal spouse of a person with diabetes, but even he doesn't see the whole picture.  I think there are some things you just can't understand fully unless you live them and feel them yourself and chronic health conditions (of all types) are like that.  I know my husband has painful arthritis in his neck and while I'm sympathetic, I'm sure I sometimes don't get what he's going through because I've never lived with that level of constant chronic pain (and hope I never do).

I've found that when I'm feeling the way you described, sometimes only connecting with other type 1 folks will do.  Because if you don't have it, I don't think you can truly understand how deeply it touches all parts of your life.  So, while I wish you were surrounded my more understanding people at home, please remember we're here and we'll never tell you you are talking about diabetes too much.  :)

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i know what you mean! those who dont understand mean well but its hard to talk to them about it because of that. the smile and nod i get that alot lol.

my boyfriend is sort of like that. he cares alot but i cant really talk to him about the highs and lows of everything. he knew nothing of diabetes before we started dating, he once asked me.. "you have to do needles? how often like once a month?".. haha.. hes more educated about it now tho.

its difficult to understand unless your experiencing it yourself.

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I know exactly how your feeling.  However, I also have been able to see both sides of this.  I have been with my husband for almost 10 years now.  He is a type 1 diabetic, diagnosed at 9 years old.  However, I was just recently diagnosed a little over a year ago.  When I first started dating my husband I really didn't know much about diabetes at all; however, I would always listen to what he said and really tried to understand it.  However, I don't think I ever truly got what he had to go through every day until I got diagnosed.  Although I could empathize with him before I had diabetes because I had never experienced it myself I don't think I ever really completely got it.  I know I always tried to understand but I'm sure there were times were he felt that I just didnt get it.  This past year my husband has helped me soooo much.  I don't know what i would've done without him.  And there have been soo many times this year when I would tell him "Wow, so this is what it feels like."  Even though I always tried to understand what he was going through I know I didn't completely get it until I was going through it myself.  Just remember you always have all the people on this forum to help you through.  Luckily I have my husband who helps me but there have been times where I've had issues that I definitely felt he didn't quite get and I was able to feel better by coming her and venting or just reading. 

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Wow, Amy, what an interesting perspective!  It's unfortunate that you ended up being diagnosed but you do explain both sides very clearly in your comment!  Thanks for sharing this!

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Thanks everyone!!  I'm glad that I can come here and vent and get positive reinforcement that I am not alone in this battle.  I am so glad that I found this site and that you all know where I am coming from.  :-) <3

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I feel exactly the same way. i am the only diabetic in my family.  i'm glad you mentioned this because this is something that really bothers me especially with my boyfriend. I've known him for 6 years and i sometimes get sarcastic/ obnoxious remarks when i occasionally try to talk to him about it.

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I'm the only diabetic in my famliy too. I have an identical twin sister so I'm worried that she'll have it one day, but diabetes isn't hereditary in our family. I got it from the flu as it shut down my pancreas. I'm grateful that no one else in my family has to deal with the disease, but I feel isolated sometimes because there's no way they can know exactly how it feels and what I go through.

I have the best family-they are such a wonderful support system. They do everything they can to help, do research on the disease, and my parents still go with me to doctor's appts lol! But that's why I'm glad I have this site-you guys know exactly how it feels and what the day to day challenges are. I feel so lucky because I have support from both my family and from other diabetics. :)