Every winter, when flus and colds go around, I take distance from sick people. I wash my hands more often and am generally more aware about space. I do it because I know that feeling when I’ve gotten the flu and I can’t move and my blood sugar rises and rises and I just hope that I can catch a break and I don’t end up in the hospital.
But mostly I take space, not because I think I’ll end up in the hospital, but because I already spend so much time with this and I don’t want another layer to deal with.
So right now I’m working remotely, and 95% isolating, but going out for a hike or bike ride because it brings me joy. I see these people walking around in irrational terror. They’ve never considered that they COULD end up in the hospital. They are unprepared for finding the little joys in an imperfect situation.
On one level it makes me grateful for the lessons Type 1 has taught me. The other side wants to say fuck you assholes, welcome to my world.
And on some level it is because Covid-19 doesn’t feel that different than normal reality. It requires adaptation, but there is only so much you can control in the world. It is what it is.
When I make a mistake and get distracted with work and my blood sugar accidentally ends up at 32. (Which is very rare) I know that feeling of slight dizzy and I think oh no. And it’s terrifying, but then I correct and go on with my life. I get that moment of terror when I have the flu and I can’t move and I go on with my life.
Negotiating the fears of people who don’t have chronic illnesses is something I don’t have much space for right now. But it’s also an opportunity to focus energy towards the activities that help me and ignore the nonesense that isn’t.
I guess I needed a place to get that out there. So thank you!