Hello...I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I am offering my two cents. First, where I'm coming from: I take the point of view that art of any form does not have, inherently, a right or a wrong way to be made. I also apply this to thoughts, emotions (not actions)...no right or wrong. The reason I say that there is no right or wrong way to create any art form or to feel any emotion...or think any thought...is that the minute a person attempts to define what is right or wrong (better, worse...good, bad) in any of those categories, I think it may lead to one human eventually having to have an opinion, subjective, that rules over other belief systems and thought processes not to mention experiences, etc...and since I believe that all people are equal, then it follows that no person can define and/or dictate another's proper voice, way, etc. without crossing some basic moral line...
An artist of any type, as is also essentially, I think, the human experience, will experience an evolving perspective which will, eventually, I think also cause his or her art to evolve. Therefore, what may be comfortable to that artist at one point may become, oddly, a place of discomfort at some point down the road.
I hope I haven't typed your 'ear' off...be who you are in the way that is you, and allow that person's voice to change when it wants, how it wants, just as you would allow your thoughts to change, emotions if and when you believe they should...
There were lots of images that I identified with...but does my identifying with your work in some way pose a possible hazard to your expression by imposing a limitation? I hope not. To me, art is a catalyst for thought and change. As such, your art created a series of thoughts and ideas not to mention questions. Your words, then, for me, were art because they opened a door to ideas and thought...
For instance, who is the friend? The reader? Is the reader a particular person, or any individual? While you talk of darkness, the true illumination of knowledge occurs during the Dream, at night, and not as the "shards" of day cut (violently, abruptly) through the beautiful world before them. So even though daylight has been in some traditions associated with awareness and insight, you seem to turn this assumption on its head, and the result was, for me, interesting (and thrilling). In sleep, a person is awake; in waking, a person is asleep...in dreams a person is illuminated with reality, maybe? While in waking life, a person's true soul, the impregnable mind, is not free to become truly 'real'? Which world, that of the waking world with its chaos and shards of light or the sleeping world with its Silence and life secrets revealed, to you, is preferable? Can one exist without the other?
There's also a steady rhythm in your work, like a heart beat, which sustains its motion through the entire piece. The rhyme scheme as well is steady...was this a deliberate choice on your part, used to emphasize some meaning in the poem?
Sorry...I think I got a little carried away. Please forgive me if I have gone overboard with the commentary. Thank you for sharing your work.