This whole diabetes thing just gets me down. I get so tired of having to always, always, always think about my food. When did I eat last? What is my BG? How many carbs are in this meal? Blah blah blah. That is the whole reason I didn't diet before I was diabetic, once I say I am on a diet that is ALL I think about- food. I am addicted to sugar (as my name says) and I used to say "if I ever have to give up sugar I would rather die". I know I don't have to totally give up sugar BUT diabetes sure puts a damper on my desserts- sugar free jello and cool whip can only last so long. Some days I just want to forget about this disease and eat anything I want and how ever much I want. I guess it is like drinking alcohol- some people drink it to forget or "escape". I just want to escape this disease.
Sorry to be so down, but that is how I am feeling right now :(
These days, when you're on the pump, or taking multiple injections (with meals) you shouldn't have to eat anything that's sugar-free. That's the one of the many benefits of being a diabetic in this day and age....you can pretty much eat what you want, as long as you bolus for it. And from what I've seen, all the sugar free stuff has just as many carbs as the regular stuff. So I say as long as you maintain a healthy weight, eat what you want!
I know exactly how you feel. I have had Type 1 for 20 years and I would say about once every couple of years I have a similiar "melt down" I usually cry and vent while my poor husband who puts his arm around me and just listens. I know that I can eat just about whatever I want as long as I take the right amount of insulin, but that's not the part that is the hardest. It's like you said, it's the constant thinking about it - food, carbs, exercise, weight, insulin, A1C, blood sugar numbers, etc., etc., etc..... Sometimes I want to have just one day off from having to think like a Diabetic.
After my melt, down accompanied with a really good cry, I usually wash my face, take a long nap and wake up and realize that this IS my life. I need to take control of what I can control. For me, education and information is what makes me feel better. Somehow when I understand things it gives me a sense of control over my Diabetes.
I think we all need to allow ourselves to have these melt downs once in a while. We need to give ourselves permission to feel frustrated - as long as we get back up and refocus. I know it sounds crazy but we can control a lot of this disease. I am so grateful that I don't have something like cancer - because then I really wouldn't have any control. So, being Diabetic is a chronic disease from which its victims never get a day off. But at least its victims have a voice - to some extent.
I totallly understand your frustration and I hope that it helps to be able to vent if this type of a forum where so many others can truely understand how you are feeling. I love my husband and he is a phenominal listener, but he doesn't have this disease and no matter how much he empathisizes - he still doesn't have Diabetes. Please continue to reach out to those of us on juventation - we are here to listen, vent, and to share our stories and feelings.
Well said! I'm just about to hit the 30 yr. mark, with diabetes, so I know all too well what you're talking about. It's funny how it seems to go in waves...some days you're fine with it, other days you want to scream and cry.
I defentily know how u feel about the whole diabetes things that we go through. And it's HARD!!! And I agree with the others that have commented on ur post that we do need to vent everyonce and a while. But what happens when u have that break down and for some reason can't get yourself refouced when you are finished with your breakdown. And this is the place where I am right now. But I do also agree that at some point hopefully we will wake up and releaize that this is our lives and be able to move on. But hopefully when these breakdowns happen we all have some kind of support network in place to help us get through it, kinda like all of the people here on this site or family or friends.
First of all, I love that name, ha,ha. It makes me laugh! Laughter is always a good thing. I had my first melt-down about 6 months ago in the doctor's office with the nurse, after living with diabetes for 29 years! I was a little embarassed. I felt the tears about to pour when she left the room and there was no stopping them. When she came back, all I could say (while crying, heavily) was that I wanted to "quit", but I know I can't. The reason I got so upset was that my a1c test was not what I thought it would be, I was completely frustrated. I had worked so hard to improve it and it only got worse. Since then, it has improved. When I stay relaxed and not obsessive about my blood sugars, I do much better. Enjoy life now, today, yesterday is over, tomorrow is another day. Us Type 1's know how you feel. Take care, hope you are feeling better today.
I think we all feel your pain at some point or another! The other responses hit it right on, it does come in waves, feel good about things for a long while and then it hits you like a ton of bricks - we're just done with it all, don't want to test, count carbs or give insulin. I was at my nephew's 6th birthday this weekend and they rolled out the brownies, bundt cake with mint chocolate chip ice cream in the center and some sort of twinkie/ pudding concoction that just about put me over the edge. I was told hit was horrible but it still looked like golden goodness to me! I just had to walk away but yes - not before a taste of the brownie. I see a Naturopath outside of my endo who helps me with suppliments and diet. She says that the amount of sugar in things has created such an addiction in people, when we try to stop, it's like detoxing from drugs. It's almost as if you have to shop the outsides of the grocery stores (fruit/veggies, meats) and not go down the isles in order to avoid all the processed sugars. It's impossible - not in this day and age where we all have 10 things going on and kids to worry about etc. I have a 'cheat' meal every week to give me something to look forward to and try to do the best I can during the week. I don't always make it, but it helps me stay in better check than I would otherwise. Hang in there - hopefully the feelings will pass soon!