Well said Candace!
The night I met my husband was at a college party and he saw me giving myself a shot in the kitchen when I thought no one else was watching. (I went off the pump in college too because I thought boys would think it was gross.) It wasn't till later that night we met, and obviously I didn't bring up the diabetes right away but a few days later we went to lunch and I was going to tell him about it but it already turned out he knew all about it and didn't care. A few months later, my blood sugars were way out of control and I knew I had to go back on the pump. I was worried what my then-boyfriend would think about it, but he was really happy that I would be taking better care of myself. Then we got married a year or so after I graduated and now that we were living together, I tried to hide my diabetes stuff as much as I could whereas at my parent's house I had it out all the time because it was no big deal. I didn't want to bother him or it to be a constant focal point of our lives and then I started to get way out of control again and went to the hospital with DKA. He said he was sad that I thought I couldn't come to him with my problems but I never wanted to be a burden (my mother in law didn't want him to marry me because she said I would be a burden to him with all my medical problems...but he still married me days after graduating college!) Now he helps me upload my readings on the Carelink system (he's an engineer and thinks its fun) and he asks me what my readings are etc. The pump has never bothered him, I think it bothers me much more! If you find someone with a heart of gold it won't matter to them if you have a pump. I think it would have to be worse for girls who wear tighter clothing and its harder to hide. I am sure the right person will come along for you and make you life so much more enriching and be right by your side helping you with your diabetes, I didn't think it would happen to me and it did!
Just on the whole pump issue, my taking my pump off was part of our little "pre-fun" ritual. He got a red mark once from the site (I had a Paradigm) but it was actually funny "Is that your pump or are you just happy to see me?" lol
Cora
I'm not sure if this will really help you or not since I'm a college student who wasn't looking for a relationship..but when I was briefly single last year and went out with two guys (not at the same time obviously haha), neither of them cared at all and thought it was interesting. I explained to them how it works and showed them my infusion site so they wouldn't accidently hit it or something. When I was first single and went out with my friends I was really self conscious about my pump too because I had never been on the "dating scene" with it before, but I got over it because it helps keep me alive so if they don't like it then screw them =)
Honestly, if someone finds the pump a major turnoff/problem, they are not even worth your time! My boyfriend has never even brought it up since the first time we met-- it doesn't even affect him. Sure, it can get in the way sometimes but it's not like you don't need it.
I used to feel the same exact way and then one day i sat down and was thinking if someone doesnt want to date or tlk to u because u have an insulin pump they rnt good enough for u. There is someone out there who will understand that u have to wear it and they will love u and like u for who u are and wat u have to do or wear to stay healthy. Just always keep in mind if they dont like u cuz of an insulin pump then they rnt good enough and they r jealous that we get to wear our pancreas on the outside and they dont :) good luck :))
I used to feel the same exact way and then one day i sat down and was thinking if someone doesnt want to date or tlk to u because u have an insulin pump they rnt good enough for u. There is someone out there who will understand that u have to wear it and they will love u and like u for who u are and wat u have to do or wear to stay healthy. Just always keep in mind if they dont like u cuz of an insulin pump then they rnt good enough and they r jealous that we get to wear our pancreas on the outside and they dont :) good luck :))
Well, there is definitely a lot of postive feedback here, which I think is absolutely the way to go if you can step back from yourself a bit and not let diabetes/pump dominate your emotions.
To play the mild devil's advocate a bit, here are some observations:
- The people who have success stories seem to be beautiful women.
- The one story where the user had a pump already and then dated was young, in college, and beautiful around, of course, a bunch of active, young, male adults.
- The few people where it did work out, it appears the person who had no issue with the pump was a saint.
- People say pumps look techie or you look cool with the pump to be nice.
- My personal observation is that regardless, it is more difficult to find somebody, the pump is annoying, and I hope strongly that the manufacturers/designers of pumps take these things seriously, and they design more suitable pumps to address this particular social need.
I remember testing with test tubes and tablets urine sample, and then I remember getting the first test strips to do the same (it was good to be blue). Many years later, I got one of the first blood testing machines (a brick in size). My insulins changed over the years from pork based insulins (R and N), humolog, to lantus and novolog. The test machines have also improved dramatically. They have gotten smaller and faster, and they worked at recording results/graphs and providing nutritional information (e.g., carb counts). In all, it has been a slow, steady climb, and it has not been until the last few years that we have seen some great innovation in technologies like the pump. All in all, diabetes has shown it can be quite a lucrative business to be in, and the customer base grows, sadly, bigger and bigger. Therefore, i have not doubt my particular concern will get addressed.
I take from people's comments here so far that you somehow have to have faith that you can find somebody that will have no issue with the pump. You need to remain positive, and if the other person has issue with the pump, they are not worth your time anyway (although I can understand to a degree why somebody may be hesitant to deal with somebody having a pump). Please keep the stories coming. I think there is still more here to consider and understand. Why do you think some of the people did not have issue? Are they trully saints?
I will share my story, but seeing as how it will probably be long and rambling, I'll just make it into a blog post. I'll post something on the "Blogs" section when I get it done. (Hopefully tonight.) :)
It's pretty simple. If the person you're dating doesn't like you because you wear an insulin pump, they're pretty shallow, and probably don't deserve you.
Find someone who likes you for who you are despite any physical/cosmetic problems you can't help in the first place.
In my personal experience, it hasn't been a big deal. No one was ever grossed out or turned off from it. Give it a chance and know who to look for.
You shouldn't have to sacrifice something that controls your health for another person liking you..
Dude, no offense, but this is all about your attitude. If you think your pump is a hindrance and makes you unattractive, then it will. I've had a pump since I was in high school, and it has never, at least not that I'm aware of anyways, influenced who I date. None of my boyfriends ever had any issues with it, other than being a little worried at first that if they bumped it that it would hurt me, one of them was prom king too, so it's not like I was dating creepers who would date anything that looked remotely female. Most of the time I don't think they even really notice. My boyfriend now calls me his "little cyborg girlfriend", which is funny cuz someone else mentioned that too. I haven't really dated a lot, but that is because I am picky about who I date. If my diabetes ever bothered anyone, I never would have found out, cuz I obviously didn't consider them even worth dating.
EVERYBODY has some kind of issue that they believe will be totally unattractive to other ppl and blame it on their inability to find someone. I realize that I am still pretty young, and therefore have the optimism of youth going for me, but still. Sure there are some people out there that won't be able to deal, but who care about them anyways? Confidence is key. Use your diabetes for you. Being able to cooking awesome healthy meals, potentially a very attractive feature. The fact that you are gonna do that on a regular basis, not just once in a while, even better.
Also, see if there is a diabetes community in your area and get involved. If there isn't anyone there you "wanna get to know", maybe suggest a "friends and family" picnic, so you will be around people who know what it is like to have a diabetic in their life. I realize these are "big ideas", and may not even be a possibility, but feeling bad for yourself and blaming your diabetes is not a good excuse. I know this sounds kinda harsh, and I'm not trying to be mean. I realize dating is hard and scary, especially when you have something as obvious as an insulin pump that marks you as different, but different shouldn't be a bad thing. I wish you the best of luck!
Well I've been reading some of the replies and thought I'd share my story. My husband and I just recently celebrated 9 years of being together. When I met my husband I did not have diabetes and really didn't know much about it. He was upfront with me and told me all about it and I found it quite interesting. None of it ever bothered me and it didn't affect my decisions to be with him. When we first started dating he was on injections and then a few years later he got a pump. I would have to say that the injections and the pump never bothered me even in the beginning of our relationship. I understood that it was what he had to do to survive and I actually wanted to learn more about it. Overall none of the diabetes stuff that he had to do ever bothered me or turned me off from him. I was with him because I loved him and that was just a part of him. The only thing I remember about in the beginning of the relationship was being afraid when he went low. But even then it didn't bother me I just wanted to make sure I knew what I had to do in order to get him back up to a normal level. About a year ago I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and having my husband there to help and support me has really helped me get through some tough times. I would have to agree with what everyone else was saying, I think if you are up front with the person to begin with it will help and if they are weirded out or uncomfortable then they are not the person for you. The person for you will love you for being you and diabetes unfortunately is a part of you, but that shouldn't stop them from loving you, I know it never stopped me from falling in love and loving my husband.
[quote user="David Shapiro"]Why do you think some of the people did not have issue? Are they trully saints?[/quote]
Because there are people who actually put things like affection, activity-sharing, pursuit of common goals/interests, attraction, and other basic human relations over this issue of having a pump. Just because it hasn't happened to you yet doesn't mean it's something that can only be overcome by "sainthood" or some other incredible circumstances like great beauty.
Megan perhaps said it best - EVERYBODY has some kind of issue they feel would make them unattractive to others. Yours is clearly the pump. For me, it was constantly hearing in high school that I was either too plain or too masculine-looking, and (to a lesser extent) too shy. I complained a lot during that age of how I was undateable because of my physical features and introversion, but then I found someone at 19 whose opinions about my looks and personality differed from the masses.
With that said, I feel an obligation to tell people to drop the "it'll never happen to me because I have this (x) problem" mentality. Chances are you may find someone after all and look back at your negative attitude and wonder why you made such a mountain out of a molehill. My mother always told me "it only takes one," and she was right.
Wonderful response Khendra. Mr. Gump's ma used to say: "stupid is, as stupid does." I guess I need to stop being so stupid.
Megan,
Nice ideas on how to hook up with other people with diabetes. You are probably right about using the pump as an excuse for why I have not found anybody. It couldn't be the wart on my nose or the hump on my back, could it?
P.S. Nice picture.
Haha, thanks! Stay positive buddy :)
I konw i am alot younger but i have the pump and have a boyfriend and i dont like to show my pump or anything and he always like to watch me change my site and check my sugar and make sure im okay and he cares so much about my diabetes..I would never go off the pump just for a guy if they dont like me cause i have diabetes then to bad,it would hurt my feelings but i dont want someone if they have a problem with my diabetes then i wouldnt wanna be with them..
It sounds like you got somebody that cares that you take care of yourself, and I am happy for you.
I didn't read through everything, but this makes me wonder, is there a dating site for T1's?
What? The pump is chick repellent? Darn! Glad I am married.