Diabetes can ruin a friendship

Hey everyone! Alright so I decided to come on here to vent about something that was bugging me for a while. Here it is:


Over the last few months my one friend just slowly stopped talking to me. We were always really close and stuff, and I could tell her everything. I'm going to keep her name anonymous, so I'll call her B. We did everything together and always had a lot of fun. So when B just stopped talking to me, I was really confused. She goes to a school  near mine, but not mine. We met at a baseball game a few years ago. So anyway, I figured maybe B was just making a lot of friends and she didn't have as much time for me. It hurt but I understood because she doesn't go to my school so we don't see each other as much. So one day I was talking to one of my other friends, who also knows B pretty well. I talked to her about how it was so weird that B just stopped talking to me. My friend then said, "Oh yes, I think I know why. She told me that ever since you were diagnosed with diabetes, she had not wanted to be around you. She said that you testing your sugars and giving yourself shots was annoying. She also said that you were using diabetes as an advantage for attention."  When I heard that, I was so shocked and just hurt. I couldn't believe anyone could be like that. It was just horrible.

A few days later I ran into B at a local event. I decided it would be a good idea to confront her and ask her why she would say that. We talked about it and she said that diabetes "is just so gross with the needles and blood" and that "she can't be around someone like that". I told her I couldn't help the way I was and that I would change it if I could. B then said that she just wished I didn't have to test in front of her. I told her that she should of told me that because I can't really read her mind. Everyone handles that kind of stuff different. One disease shouldn't ruin a friendship. She then got mad at me and just walked away. I felt so different then everyone else at that moment. I'm sorry, I just wanted to vent and show you all how not everyone is there for you I guess.

Don't you think it was wrong the way she acted? Has this happened to anyone here, or has anyone been looked down on because of your disease? I'd appreciate the comments and personal stories. Thank you, I hope everyone has a healthy and happy 2011! :)

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this.  Your friend obviously doesn't understand diabetes or why it's so important for you to test and inject, and unfortunately it may not be something she understands anytime soon.  Oftentimes, even adults just don't understand it or are unsympathetic about it.

While it's hard now, to lose a friend, when you look back on this as an adult you may discover you feel that she's not good friend material anyway.  If she can't handle seeing you test and inject, how would she react if she were alone with you and you had an incapacitating low, which you couldn't treat alone, and she needed to respond and do something so you didn't lose consciousness? 

My view is that if someone doesn't seem like they'd be willing or able to help in an emergency, they aren't worth my time to spend a lot of time with.

Now, if you do want to try to work things out with her, you can try not testing or injecting in front of her.  But you need to get across to her how hurtful her comments are; after all, you truly can't help that you have this disease and you shouldn't be made to feel badly about it - it's hard enough to deal with already!

Kari is right that shows how immature and not friend material B was

Unfortunately there are times in life when people you thought were friends turn out not to take you as seriously as you take them. It can be hurtful and surprising. It happens. Hopefully one day you will meet some people that deserve your friendship. My wife experienced something like this recently. A friend she was always there for during her friend's divorce has disappeared now that she has a new man. 

You aren't doing anything wrong, Your ex friend needs a lot of attention. My young children act like this sometimes too. The ones without D get jealous of the attention the one with D gets. Then the one with D gets jealous of the others when we try to spend a extra time with them.


She is not a friend just move on and find real one's.

thanks everyone! :)

One thing I can promise is that B being able to cut herself off from anyone with health problems that freak her out is a luxury that fewer and fewer people can afford as they get older.  In fact, diabetes is a comparatively routine medical condition compared to a lot of what people develop as they move through adulthood.  FWIW, your experience living with diabetes and dealing with the ignorant Bs of the world may help you be a good friend to someone who is having a hard time coping with their own health issues someday.  I'd like to think it has for me, at times.

Beyond that, I can't think of anything wiser to say than, that really sucks.  I'm so sorry for you!

What John81 said!

I'm sorry, Janie.  I know how much that must have hurt you.  I experienced something similar to this.  I was *very* self conscious about testing/injecting in front of people when I was younger, so a lot of my friends had never seen me do it.  Then one day I had to do it in front of a friend, and I had a very similar situation to yours.  Thankfully she wasn't a close friend, but it hurt none the less.  Another situation that I remember like it was yesterday.... Junior high health class.  The teacher was covering diabetes, and one girl in the class looked directly at me and said "ewww"...  then everyone turned around and stared at me and a few people laughed.  Wow, I wanted to disappear. 

Now that I'm older, I realize that those people were not worth it.  I have friends and family who do care about me, and those are the ones that matter.  I know how hard and embarrassing diabetes can be, but in the end it makes you a stronger person, and it also makes you more compassionate to others.  Don't let B make you feel bad about yourself.

That girl was not a friend!!!!!!! A friend is someone who knows all you're good and bad stuff and still wants to be your friend!!!!!! Real friends would learn about what happened to you and be there if you need them!!! I look a it this way for me 1.) family  2.) friend these are two groups who should always be there for each other.

Janie - I just wanted to say that your Diabetes was not the reason you lost this friend. B's selfcenteredness and immaturity were the reasons. I think you did an excellent job of talking with her about it to try to understand the situation. WHile it is sad that you have lost a person who you enjoyed spending time with, in the long run, it is her loss.

Yeah I think my worst comment from a friend had to do with my pump. I was changing into a new pair of jeans with her in the room and I unclipped my pump off my thigh because for me that's easier. She then commented "Ugh, why would you want to wear that thing anyway?!" all disgusted and annoyed. I just simply said "um because it's a lot easier than giving myself five shots a day, that's why!" She hasn't been on my best side lately so I was probably a little more snappier than I meant to be but at the time it felt good to say :)

Oh, and I would have to agree with everyone on here. I've never had a friend who judged me because of my diabetes...I probably would have cried had it been me :( People who can't support you and love you for who you are and despite what challenges you have to face in your life are not truly your friends... Definitely move on :) You won't have to worry about seeing her everyday either. And even if times get rough like it just did for you we're here for you! :)

This sounds terrible. B probablly wasn't a good friend if she was going to act like that. Don't let her get in the way of your life. There are plenty of other people out there, and I'm sure you'll find new friends that love you for who you are.

find a friend with diabetes

I have never had something so terrible happen to me like this.  And I hope I won't ever have to deal with this.  I really have no suggestions.  Fight through it????....

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. My best friend has diabetes and I truely don't know if I could ever forgive myself if I did that to her. She means everything to me and is the only person I feel comfortable talking to in person. As a friend I find it my responsibility to be there for her when she needs me no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. Unless it made me feel sick to see blood I would never leave her if she had to check her blood sugar levels. I think your friend did overreact a little but that may be just because I've always been the kind of person who is fascinated when i get a vaccine shot or have to have my blood drawn and just stared in awe.I think you should try to find friends that will stick by your side through the good and the bad like a I do for my friend. And remember that there are people who care about you even if theyve never met you