Depression and the use of diabetes as self-harm

Newly Diagnosed
1

I am 26 years old. I was diagnosed in October. I am not sure where to put this topic so I put it in newly diagnosed because it is new for me. This year has been horrible. First, I got diagnosed with T1D. Then, my significant other of 5 years left me and forced me to move out of our house. A few weeks after that, my mom got disgnosed with pancreatic cancer. She has not taken well to the treatment. I was also having employment problems, but have resolved that for now.

I came here because I was hoping I could talk about it judgement free. I don’t tell anyone that I do this. I am a guy and I think that might have something to do with it. Societal pressure to be strong or something.

Sometimes, like today, I take little to no insulin. Just because. Just to hurt myself. Just to feel shitty. Just to wallow in self-pity. Sometimes I even eat unnecessary carbs to make it even worse. I am still honeymooning (I know because I do this) so it isn’t as life threatening as it would be for somebody else. This is about all of the things I wrote above. It is also about feeling in control - pretending to not need insulin like to old me. Maybe it’s a bit like cutting your wrists T1D style? I don’t know why I am writing this. I just felt like telling somebody.

2

I’m betting you’ll get some folks telling you stuff like “God only gives you as much as you can handle, blah, blah, blah.” I’m not knocking religion for those who embrace it, but when I’m told that, I call bullshit.

You’ve been handed a ton of crappy stuff in a short amount of time, and it sucks. Any one of those things you mentioned happening sucks, and all crammed together makes them even worse. First of all, I’m sorry you’ve joined our team, and I’m really sorry about your mom. I lost my mom 8 years ago to a terrible cancer. I was her primary caregiver so my control during that year and a half wasn’t great. My A1C went up, and I gained weight from self medicating with some lousy food choices while feeling sorry for me, and for her.

Ultimately, you’re right; diabetes is about control. Plus, you’re young :slight_smile: When I was in my mid-20s I was partying pretty heavily and if I’d also had diabetes, I can’t imagine how I would’ve handled it.

What I can say now, as a 55-year old, is that life is so damn short already, that we need to do anything and everything we can to get as many quality years here as we can! I didn’t think much about my mortality or old age when I was your age, but now it freaks me out a little.

I’m really tightly managed these days, and have been since I was pregnant with my first son, who’ll be 24 next month. I didn’t really want kids, so when I found myself pregnant, I knew I had to be in good control for my child. After that, it became about wanting to be here to take care of him and see him grow up. Of course, as soon as he was born, I fell head over heels in love, and was thrilled to have another son a few years later.

My mom’s illness was really my first time dealing with a terminal disease. Her cancer made me realize how lucky I am: if I have to have a disease, at least I have one that responds to my efforts! It sounds like you know about diabetes; becoming super educated about it has helped me in many ways.

That also means you know that your choices could be leading to harmful complications that suck worse that limiting carbs or using insulin. I’m a full-time artist and instructor; if I lost my vision, I don’t know what my life would look like!

In many ways you’re lucky you’ve been diagnosed now. Insulin pumps, CGMS, and the internet have made such a tremendous difference in the care we receive and the networking we can participate in! An anonymous forum like this, and reaching out like you’ve done, may be just the outlet you need to share your feelings rather than do hurtful things regarding your health.

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in feeling sorry for yourself now and then, and for sure I eat unnecessary carbs now and then, but I also bolus to keep my blood sugar as close to normal as possible. :slight_smile:

Hang in there; and keep posting. I hope your mom’s treatment improves.

Valerie

3

I’m betting you’ll get some folks telling you stuff like “God only gives you as much as you can handle, blah, blah, blah.” I’m not knocking religion for those who embrace it, but when I’m told that, I call bullshit.

You’ve been handed a ton of crappy stuff in a short amount of time, and it sucks. Any one of those things you mentioned happening sucks, and all crammed together makes them even worse. First of all, I’m sorry you’ve joined our team, and I’m really sorry about your mom. I lost my mom 8 years ago to a terrible cancer. I was her primary caregiver so my control during that year and a half wasn’t great. My A1C went up, and I gained weight from self medicating with some lousy food choices while feeling sorry for me, and for her.

Ultimately, you’re right; diabetes is about control. Plus, you’re young :slight_smile: When I was in my mid-20s I was partying pretty heavily and if I’d also had diabetes, I can’t imagine how I would’ve handled it.

What I can say now, as a 55-year old, is that life is so damn short already, that we need to do anything and everything we can to get as many quality years here as we can! I didn’t think much about my mortality or old age when I was your age, but now it freaks me out a little.

I’m really tightly managed these days, and have been since I was pregnant with my first son, who’ll be 24 next month. I didn’t really want kids, so when I found myself pregnant, I knew I had to be in good control for my child. After that, it became about wanting to be here to take care of him and see him grow up. Of course, as soon as he was born, I fell head over heels in love, and was thrilled to have another son a few years later.

My mom’s illness was really my first time dealing with a terminal disease. Her cancer made me realize how lucky I am: if I have to have a disease, at least I have one that responds to my efforts! It sounds like you know about diabetes; becoming super educated about it has helped me in many ways.

That also means you know that your choices could be leading to harmful complications that suck worse that limiting carbs or using insulin. I’m a full-time artist and instructor; if I lost my vision, I don’t know what my life would look like!

In many ways you’re lucky you’ve been diagnosed now. Insulin pumps, CGMS, and the internet have made such a tremendous difference in the care we receive and the networking we can participate in! An anonymous forum like this, and reaching out like you’ve done, may be just the outlet you need to share your feelings rather than do hurtful things regarding your health.

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in feeling sorry for yourself now and then, and for sure I eat unnecessary carbs now and then, but I also bolus to keep my blood sugar as close to normal as possible. :slight_smile:

Hang in there; and keep posting. I hope your mom’s treatment improves.

Valerie

4

I’m betting you’ll get some folks telling you stuff like “God only gives you as much as you can handle, blah, blah, blah.” I’m not knocking religion for those who embrace it, but when I’m told that, I call bullshit.

You’ve been handed a ton of crappy stuff in a short amount of time, and it sucks. Any one of those things you mentioned happening sucks, and all crammed together makes them even worse. First of all, I’m sorry you’ve joined our team, and I’m really sorry about your mom. I lost my mom 8 years ago to a terrible cancer. I was her primary caregiver so my control during that year and a half wasn’t great. My A1C went up, and I gained weight from self medicating with some lousy food choices while feeling sorry for me, and for her.

Ultimately, you’re right; diabetes is about control. Plus, you’re young :slight_smile: When I was in my mid-20s I was partying pretty heavily and if I’d also had diabetes, I can’t imagine how I would’ve handled it.

What I can say now, as a 55-year old, is that life is so damn short already, that we need to do anything and everything we can to get as many quality years here as we can! I didn’t think much about my mortality or old age when I was your age, but now it freaks me out a little.

I’m really tightly managed these days, and have been since I was pregnant with my first son, who’ll be 24 next month. I didn’t really want kids, so when I found myself pregnant, I knew I had to be in good control for my child. After that, it became about wanting to be here to take care of him and see him grow up. Of course, as soon as he was born, I fell head over heels in love, and was thrilled to have another son a few years later.

My mom’s illness was really my first time dealing with a terminal disease. Her cancer made me realize how lucky I am: if I have to have a disease, at least I have one that responds to my efforts! It sounds like you know about diabetes; becoming super educated about it has helped me in many ways.

That also means you know that your choices could be leading to harmful complications that suck worse that limiting carbs or using insulin. I’m a full-time artist and instructor; if I lost my vision, I don’t know what my life would look like!

In many ways you’re lucky you’ve been diagnosed now. Insulin pumps, CGMS, and the internet have made such a tremendous difference in the care we receive and the networking we can participate in! An anonymous forum like this, and reaching out like you’ve done, may be just the outlet you need to share your feelings rather than do hurtful things regarding your health.

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in feeling sorry for yourself now and then, and for sure I eat unnecessary carbs now and then, but I also bolus to keep my blood sugar as close to normal as possible. :slight_smile:

Hang in there; and keep posting. I hope your mom’s treatment improves.

Valerie

5

That’s an interesting idea. I’ve had T1D for 27 yrs. Also a history of cutting. And I’ve had times where I haven’t taken insulin or I’ve disconnected my pump just to make myself sick.

6

I have had Diabetes for almost 19 years, and I am 29. My blood sugars are still fluctuating and I am still trying to cope with the illness, I’m very stubborn when it comes to changing my diet! I really don’t know how I got by this long. I am married with 2 kids, and sometimes life gets too frustrating to deal with when the stress of money/work, and life situations get thrown in the mix. Sometimes I would feel too fed up to where I want to end things by taking more insulin since I know dropping low and passing out is a lot quicker, and there is no pain or vomiting involved. I have yet to go to therapy since the urges subside and we move on and live our day to day lives, but every now and then a topic will come up and bring up all my emotions all over again.

7

Depression is a normal thing for Diabetics. It gets amplified when you have other issues on top of your health issues.
I had to deal with a whole lot of emotional and verbal abuse in my life due to Narcisstic Personality Disorder that runs
in my family. I was threatened by my N Dad when I was a teenager that if I went back into the hospital for my diabetes that
there was gonna be hell to pay. I cried a lot and have hated life. I thought of ending my life with an overdose of insulin but
I got help in therapy. I still go on a website that deals with Narcissitic abuse. It is a hard to life to deal with but I have
decided that I don’t want to be victim any more.

Disneygirly