Conflict b/w parents?

what do you do when you and your partner disagree about your child’s diabetes management plan? I’m in close contact with the nurse educator, and I’m the one who has called the endo whenever we didn’t know what to do after hours, and tonight when I explained what we were going to try, DH expressed sincere, extreme frustration. Why are we monkeying with it all the time? How can it possibly be good science if we keep changing what we’re doing? In my defense, I’m not changing anything except on the nurse educator’s or endo’s say-so, and it’s never been without at least a 4-day pattern. I’m frustrated, too, and I very much wish we could just keep the treatment plan the same all the time, but I think I’ve made more peace with the nature of the disease, that it will always be changing, that there are too many variables, especially with her still honeymooning, to ever think it’ll stay the same just because we want it to. But I’m not sure about any of that, either, and I’m anxious about trying something new with her dosing, too, and I hate being unsure anyway but doing what the medical team tells me and then having to defend myself from the one other person who’s supposed to be in this with me, keeping our child safe. Help?

Conventional diabetes care from most medical professionals will never allow you to have much control. It’s highly unlikely eating a normal diet will do anything but cause crazy blood sugars and more frustration. There are lots of people that have excellent control over BG but they restrict carbohydrates. It makes sense. Diabetics can’t process carbohydrates so why do the recommend they eat so many.

I suggest the two of you read Dr. Bernsteins’ books. He has a series of videos on Youtube too that discuss diet and insulin dosing. He is one of the few type 1’s still alive that was diagnosed in the 1940’s and he’s an endo.
The sooner you have a low carb high protein diet that longer your child’s bet cells will last. You might extend the honeymoon. Session 1. Introduction.- Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes University - YouTube

His ideas are somewhat controversial among dieticians but even the Joslin center doctors are now switching to carbohydrate restriction diets. Their dieticians however are still stuck on high carb. There is a group on Facebook that flow his advice and they all have normal blood sugar. Normal! I am implementing it with my teen and today she has not been over 116. There are much fewer hypoglycemic episodes too because there is not much insulin loading for meals. We eat lots of green non starchy veggies. No grains. Only low carb fruits and only sparingly. Lots of protein and healthy fats.

Your child is a real, live human being, s/he is not a college chemistry or physics lab experiment! As you and your partner knows your bodies change from day to day, week by week - so does your child’s body.

I’ve only been T1d for 58 years so I’m not a complete expert but for 12 years my Hb A1c had a range of 5.7 to 6.1 when checked every three months. I do eat about 250 carbs average daily and have a BMI about 20; OK, I’m 74, retired and rather active.

Unless your endo and nurse educator have T1D themselves, in time you will know as much caring for your child as they - don’t try to lock your child in too tightly. I find that tweaking my basal and carb ratios is an on-going process; every three months I report changes I make to the endo. Yes, I use a pump but the endo I had then didn’t really know pumps.

There are many variables that affect BG levels - expect a wide variety. Primary advice, be loving, and alert but don’t fret too much.

Concerning weighing a normal, healthy diet against the Bernstein LCHF (low carb, high fat) diet, there was a recent INFORMAL pole conducted amongst members of the Joslin Medalist Group (a group of people who have been T1D for 50 years or more) and it appears that only 1 in 4 of the respondents has used low carbs to manage diabetes except for many of us “in the olden days” when starvation was the only option. Healthy living requires a variety of foods including those foods that have a natural relatively high glucose.

I have 2 children with T1D. The youngest has had it for 11 years and he is now 14. I found that my husband would only listen to the nurses and doctors and didn’t trust my judgement. Still doesn’t a lot of the time. Men need to hear from professionals even though we as mothers have a better sense of whats going on. Your husband is obviously frustrated and angry about the disease. Who can blame him. If you really think he will help you with this in the long term, then he needs to be included in the conversations with the doctors etc.

Everything changes every day. My son can be perfect all day Monday then eat pretty much the same thing on Tuesday and run 200 higher each check. It makes no sense. Most people have to adjust their dose down when they exercise, when mine plays hockey he goes sky high because of the adrennalin. Your husband will realize soon enough that there are many variables and changes.

I feel for you as I know how it is to constantly defend yourself even when your doubting your own decisions. Just do what you think is best. You’ll get better at it every day. There will be good weeks and bad weeks. I do not beat myself up anymore when we have a bad one. There is only so much you can control.

Good luck. Any thing else please ask.