Hey everyone.
I have really, really, bad, high BG's all the time. It's probably because I don't dose a lot...and I don't check a lot because I'm just SICK OF DIABETES! I was forced to go to counselling and it didn't help at ALL. I hated that too. I'm not a negetieve person but I DON'T LIKE DIABETES! (well who does..but)
I have a very bad case of being sick of diabetes and I don't know what to do..
Hi Rebecca,
I'm glad you found Juvenation. I know many people have found that having support from other T1s (or T1 parents, spouses) has been a great help to them in handling the emotional aspect of diabetes in addition to getting better BG control. I'd just encourage you to feel whatever it is you are feeling and to work thru those feelings. That is what counseling is supposed to help with, but not everyone is comfortable with it. Maybe just journaling and getting your feelings out onto paper will help you. At some point you will be able to accept that "It is what it is." There unfortunately isn't anything any of us can do to get rid of diabetes, but we can choose to make the best of things.
I like your quote "you only live once, so go for it". I understand that to be, live life to the fullest in each moment. If you're doing that, you're not going to let a stupid disease get in your way are you?
Let us know what we can help with. You're in my prayers.
Becky
Rebecca,
I am so sorry you are struggling but happy that you brought that struggle to this forum. Like you said, no one likes diabetes but with the right care you can do everything you want to do and then some. Don't give up - use this forum to vent your feelings. We all get frustrated and tired of diabetes, you are not alone. Keep your chin up and let those feelings out! Do you have any support near your home? There is a group here that my daughter is going to go to so she can meet some other type 1 kids.
Most importantly, check your blood sugar and take your insulin too - if you feel better physically it may be easier to deal with whatever feelings you're having.
Keep posting - we're here to support you :)
Rebecca-
I really do know how you feel. I've been diabetic for a long time, but it's still hard. I too, am sick of having it and dealing with it all. For the past couple years, I haven't been taking care of myself very well. I kept putting off going to the endo because I knew I wasn't doing what I was supposed to, I felt very alone and didn't know what to do.
Last week, I joined Juvenation, and it's really helped me. Just browsing around, looking at posts, and seeing that a lot of other people feel the same way has really made a difference for me. I'm finally going to the endo tomorrow (which I'm not looking forward to since I know my A1C will not be super).
I'm glad you posted and were able to get some of your feelings out. Keep it up! Keep posting, keep reading and poking around, and hopefully that will give you some hope. Also, a lot of people on Juve have blogs--check some of those out. C's blog really helped me a lot. Here's the link: http://cslifewithd.blogspot.com/2010/10/decision-21-years-in-making.html.
I truly hope something you read on Juve will help. Don't give up! You are not alone in this, Rebecca!!!
Rebecca,
This is a tough thing that a lot of diabetics seem to go through especially in their teens. In many respects, the emotional side of diabetes is harder to handle than the physical part. The sad truth of it is that there is really nothing you can do to get over the hatred of diabetes. It will always be with you. Eventually though, it just really hits you that this is your body and you have to take care of it. Personally, I went through a very long and rough time from about 15 years of age to around 24. I am now in the early stage of taking back my life and my health. For me, it has helped to just take one day at a time. The first thing I did was forgive myself for all the years of neglect to my body. Than I just tried to do the best I could each day. I know some days I would screw up but each morning I tried to pick it all back up and start fresh.
Juvenation has been great in showing me I am not alone in my struggles. There are so many caring and helpful people on here, who I just recently found out have gone through the same things I have. The best advice I can give you is to not let things get too far out of control. Good habits are even harder to make after bad habits have already formed. Also, keep posting here and get to know some of the other people, you will find a wealth of help and information in dealing with diabetes both physically and emotionally. If you ever need to talk to someone or just let off some steam feel free to message me personally as well.
Cheers,
Dan
I struggled in my teens and early 20's... skipped shots, rarely tested and ate whatever. Think my A1c was 16. I wasted a lot of time either feeling hung over from high blood sugars or having unexpected lows take me out of whatever I was doing.
Counseling didn't help me either, I just had to grow up. About the same time that I stopped ignoring my diabetes I also stopped binge drinking and having casual sex. Guess I just realized I was worth more and that I was worth taking care of. I stopped seeing my glucose monitor as a judge and just saw it as a tool that tells me to take a little more insulin or to eat some glucose tablets.
Over time I slowly have done better. I'm far from perfect, but now I'm in my late 30's and have a great husband and the most amazing son. My diabetes doesn't seem like a burden, it's just kind of a part of who I am. Don't be discouraged by the rough time you're experiencing right now. It's not going to last and at some point you'll just be ready to make a change. Take care. -Jenna
Rebecca,
I kinda laughed a little bit when I read "I was forced to go to counselling". Like does anyone think that being forced to go to counseling is REALLY going to help. Seriously. I've been there too. :)
When I was younger, High School mostly, I was motivated by the shear fact I needed to due to sports. I couldn't let my team mates down, or myself down, when it came to on the field performance.
After I stopped playing organized sports, I had a period where I was just sick and tired of thinking about. Just tried to pretend it didn't exist. However, as you are finding out, that just doesn't work well. You feel terrible all the time, and it stops you from doing something that you might want to be able to go do.
I have never hidden the fact that I absolutely detest The D (when I am really mad at it I won't even dignify it with a full spelling). Everyone here on this board hates The D.
What I did was harness that disdain and focused it to a point whose sole objection is to make The D sorry for affecting me. I imagine how with every normal BS reading I have, D is getting a bloody nose. I can laugh at its face. I have even yelled at it "That's all you got?". When I do my longer races - 24 hour stuff - that single thought is what keep me pedaling at 2am when I don't want to. With every single pedal stroke I am able to kick D in the face. And it feels GOOD.
Sounds ridiculous (to me even sometimes), but it is what gets me pushing through on days when the meter is all the way in the other room and I just don't want to go get it.
You just need to find your own method for dealing with the frustration that diabetes causes. All of us are affected by it at sometime. Going off course once in a while is not a bad things. Just keep you eye on the long term health goals and just keep on choppin' wood. That tree is going to come down. It has to.
Also, remember you are not alone in the fight. There are MILLIONS of us who are with you, and understand exactly what you are facing and feeling. Juvenation is a great destination to reach out for that extra hand, and just come to unload. No judgement. No lectures.
Just friends.
TC
wow. Thanks everyone.
i went to the diabetic clinic for my 3 month checkup and my A1C was 8.7.
if i don't get it down, they are going to take me off the pump.
so, i'm doing better checking blood sugars and dosing.
thanks a lot! like, A LOT!
-rebecca
Rebecca
Rebecca-Keep on keeping on doing what you are doing now. TC had a wonderful inspirational note.
Have a good Thanksgiving..there are so many things to be grateful for. Finding Juvenation is one of them. We are all for you !!! I think every one voice from this site helps every one on it.
-pam
"Each person does the best they can do with their current awareness".
Hi Rebecca,
I am in the same boat as you. I hate the diabetes and I also have high blood sugars. I do check and I give the insulin but I am one that is horrible for snacking and I take the insulin but it doesnt tend to work the right way when you are snacking so the blood sugars or course stay the same. I do occasionally have a good blood sugar. Like for instance in the mornings I usually have a good one. But then for the rest of the day my numbers are all over the board. It really does suck and I hate it. I want to get my diabetes under control in the worst way because I know of all the bad complications that can arise from the blood sugars being bad. I dont want to have to deal with that. Not when I am just now in my early 20's
Everyone that has posted on here so far though really hit me like, ok so everyone else has gone through just about the same thing....so why cant I do it ? I like reading all the posts above this one. I have also not been to a doctor in a while now but mine is for a different reason. I dont have the insurance to be able to go. I did apply for some sort of insurance but I am now just waiting for a decision from the state. I am also nervous to go back to the dr because I know my blood sugars have been horrid and I dont even want to know what my kidney levels and my A1C are at. Scary to thing about. My A1C has also been as high as the 16 and 17.
I think with all the positive thoughts that people have posted here though that they have given me a little bit of a push to say hey I can do this. I certainly need to start trying. For the better.
Sarah
Type 1 Diabetic for 6 yrs.
thanks! happy thanksgiving to you guys too!
Sarah_Anna06,
it takes time. i'm learning this. hopefully, everything will work out in the end.
By reading these I think that we all go through this and we all make it through one way or another. This website is...AMAZING. The complications are terrible, history of diabetes is in my family and my grandmother and oldest cousin (who is 22) both are and have been sick. That's part of the reason that I'm working hard getting under control. The other reason is, I don't want to feel like crap.
you'll be able to do it. don't worry. just believe in yourself and what's that quote..oh, when I remember it, I'll post it.
=] friends.
rebecca.
Hey, glad you went in. 8.7 isn't a bad place to start. :)
As was stated just keep on doing what you are doing, and make adjustments when there are bumps in the road.
You're right, the support here is indeed amazing. All of us will be right here pluggin' away if you need us, and you'll be the one jumping in to help someone else too. :)
Have a fantastic day!!
TC
i myself have read stories of people who stopped testing or rarly tested and i thaught tht i would nvr evr do tht but thn when skool started i slowly started to test like just 2 times a say sometimes i wouldnt even test at all my mom still believing tht i was the responsible diabetic i have been for so long and continued to let me have my freedom un aware of wht was going on i kept saying tomorrow i will go back to being resposible and then tommmorow would come and go and i was still not testing i felt so guilty my mom trusted me and is always telling peopl ehow responsible i am with things and there i was not caring about my diabetes. then 1 night my mom told me we had to write my numbers down cuz i was going to the endo my heart nearly dropped i said okay well let me right them down and she said ok i wrote down mostly all made up numbers then went up to my room soon after my mom came to my room crying telling me she looked at my monitor and knows wht is going on then she told me she lost all trust in me we then had a long taaaalk then came the endo appoitment with a a1c of 9 i knew i had to start taking care of myself its been at least a month and i am back to the trustworthy diabetic i always was :) so plzzzzzzzzz no1 likes diabetes but u cnt just give up its not worth it show ur parents ur not gona let diabetes get the best of u
-gillian :)
Thanks Gillian,
I'm working on fixing my numbers and testing and dosing more. I'm a whole new responsible, diabetic person:) (well, I'll be soon!)
=]
Rebecca,
This sounds very familiar to me, for about two years after I was dxed, I stopped caring, I smoked, I didn't test, I ate tons of food without counting all of it, I didn't care. Having my kids changed my opinion, I need to be alive to live with them. Also, finding this site has 100% made me even more dedicated, I love to hear about other struggles and triumphs my diabetic friends have had, or are going through and support of 'hoorah' you all. It reminds me that even though I don't know any other t1's, I "know" a whole group of them and supportive loved ones of t1's. Keep your head up, and your sugars tight. :-)
Melinda
I've been really bad lately, I haven't been checking as often as I once was (14x a day at one point now down to "oh crap I haven't checked since...I haven't checked yet today"). I think I was under a bad influence for a while but it's gone now but the bad habits remain, its difficult to get rid of them. I suppose admitting it makes you on the right track but I sometimes I wish there was an instant cure for things...anyway we're in this together lemme know how your changing of your mindset goes. :)
Hey Rebecca,
I just wanted to say that I have felt the same way and know how it feels. My BS's had been so bad that I was in the Hospital at least once a week. It started to affect how I played on the softball and soccer field. One of my coaches finally stopped me and found out the I was checking my BS once a month when really I was supposed to be doing it 5 times a day. She helped me through it and now I keep my meter and stuff in her car during practice and she keeps me motivated by telling me check it or sit the bench. She helped me learn that I feel and play the best when my BS is under control. I thought I would be OK because my body got used to high BS, but I was wrong. Don't let it get out of control because Its hard to get control back.
Keep working at it!
-April