So any day now I will get my period and my husband and I will begin the long journey of IVF. I am completely and utterly terrified. I am afraid it won't work; I'm afraid it will work and I'll lose the baby because I have diabetes; I'm afraid I will deliver early and have complications. To put it simply, I am a complete wreck. I don't know why I'm worrying in a practical sense because the worrying isn't actually doing anything. And yet, I am crazy. I dream about babies, about egg fertilization, about everything pregnancy related. I am in such fear all the time. There isn't much anyone here can say. I guess I just wanted to vent. Sigh. This is NOT how I imagined my life to be.
Do you guys get caught up in the "why me" and "it's not fair" game? I have had type 1 for 17 years and when I was younger, it would hit me every couple of months at absolute most. I would get frustrated and sad and cry and then it would wash away and I'd move on. I guess now it's even more poignant for me because of the pregnancy piece. I know we don't have it that bad. Diabetes is manageable and we can control it-unlike many other life long diseases, but I still can't help but feel sorry for myself-to feel anger at my situation. It feels good to share-I know that :)
It's not fair to get diabetes. And it's not fair to have fertility issues. Diabetes isn't something you've caused and infertility isn't either. Sometimes our bodies just don't work perfectly. Know it's easy to say and impossible to do, but try not to stress.
As long as your diabetes is reasonably well controlled it won't cause a miscarriage. I trust that whatever happens you are going to have a really good life. Not sure where your faith is, but I'm a Christian and I'm going to pray for you. Take care and let us know how everything goes.
-Jenna
P.S. I used to hate it when my mom told me how lucky I was to have diabetes, because at least it could be managed and wasn't serious like cancer. Know she had good intentions, but that's cold comfort. What I would say about diabetes is that it has made me a stronger, more compassionate person than I would have been (plus I can divide any number by my carb ratio!). It makes us great problem solvers and develops our senses of humor to deal with the crazy situations diabetes causes. I wouldn't have chosen this, but it has brought both good and bad into my life.
Anna I saw your post and joined juvenation because of it. I am a type 1 and am 21 weeks pregnant after 1 round of IVF. I completely understand all of your worries, I was in a total panic about having a miscarriage and so worried about what ALL the IVF meds would do to my blood sugars. My best suggestion is to be in close contact with you endocrinologist, I send my endo my numbers weekly and she adjusts accordingly. The whole IVF process is completely overwhelming, but totally worth it. As if getting pregnant as a type 1 isn't enough to stress you out, adding IVF onto it takes your stress to a whole new level. Jenna always suggests the book Balancing Pregnancy with Pre-existing Diabetes, I totally agree. It is written by, Cheryl Alkon, who also is a type 1 and who went through IVF to get pregnant. Her blog Managing the Sweetness Within was really helpful to me, it chronicled her IVF journey almost daily and really made me feel like there was someone out there going through the same thing I was. I wish you the very best and please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions!
Yes, I think every diabetic goes through the "why me" phase from time to time. I also have been diabetic since I was little (for over 22 years). I recently found out that I'm pregnant and I feel a bit overwhelmed at times. I feel like people don't understand how I'm REALLY high risk just because I'm a diabetic. I feel like I have to keep my blood sugars perfect or I'm going to hurt my baby.
The biggest thing that helps me is knowing that it's all in God's hands. I just have to have faith that God is going to watch out for my baby. I'm going to keep stressing and doing the best I can but there's only so much we have control over.