A kind of denial

So for the past several years, I'd always struggled with remembering to change my sites, change my lancet, and test before I went to bed. (Those were the biggies). For a while now, I've been talking to my Youth Pastor about what's going on (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and he has helped me so much. But through talking to him, reading Bible versus, praying, etc. I finally realized that the actual problem with me forgetting was that I wanted to forget. I was purposefully putting off, doing them, because I didn't like doing them. Sure, I kept up with other stuff, my a1c was like in the low 7s. But I was kind of like in denial when it came to these few issues. So, I'm doing better now. I still find my self pushing changing my site to the end of the day because I don't want to deal with it. I now test every night before I go to bed and even get up sometimes during the night if it hadn't been more than 3 hrs since my last bolus when I went to bed. Changing my lancet is less of a denial, I think, because I still forget and don't know why. It seems like it would be one of the easiest things to remember, right? :)

I just wanted to share this since it's what's been going in my life recently. I could still use some encouragement when it comes to these issues. :)

All of us has, or has had these issues concerning diabetes. The underlying cause is life overlaps with diabetes... While having something that requires (sometimes hourly) monitoring and adjustments, the frustration lint ball just gets larger and larger, until we step back and look at what is real and what can work without constant worries. Lancets can be used more than once, I do that all the time, they are protected used with clean hands, they don't dull very fast, that should not worry you in the least. I change my sites when they need changing, not on a strict schedule, If it works don't fix it - as the old saying goes. Everyone makes mistakes and over the last 40 yrs. I have made my fair share of them too. Try driving to another state and realizing your insulin is home, that will give you pause.haha. Ruined a few weekends from stunts like that, but my mind was on life and not where it should have been first. It happens. Also, in my case, when I get too upset about anything, my bg's go nuts and it feeds on itself (lint ball bigger), until I get a grip on it, it stays slippery and just know things will be ok and even great when all of us put the priority list in proper order. There are worse things in life than having diabetes, but on the bright side, I bet you can figure numbers faster than almost anyone else does...  :) Take Care. Jeff

Hi Leah.

I have been going through denial for a long time. I've had T1 since 1990 and ever since I got out of high school and tried making it on my own, I can't stop neglecting it. I go through phases, mostly. I'll be a perfect patient one day, and the next week, I neglect my needs for insulin.

I have been told to do outpatient therapy, but honestly, nothing will make me stop doing this to myself. I worry about the potential complications, but it is not enough to make me completely stop. I mostly neglect my insulin so I will lose weight.

I am here if you ever need someone to talk to :)

Meghann, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.  I really hope you will try outpatient therapy and maybe some counseling to help you deal with this.  The part about skipping insulin to lose weight really concerns me.  As you know that can be very dangerous.  I wouldn't want you mis estimate things and slip into DKA and a coma.  It's a real possibility.

But really, I'd encourage you to make a serious effort to get this under control every day.  Once you do you will feel better physically which will also probably help you to fell better about yourself and the Big D and get out of the denial phase.  When my BS is out of whack (High) I feel horrible.  My muscles ache, I'm thirsty as a race horse.  I just feel icky.

Please try to commit to taking care of you and your D.  It does get better once you get on the program and feel better.  Kind of a pain, but it is life for us after all.

Wishing you the best of luck ...

When I was first diagnosed I did not want to believe it at all...I would not even talk to the doctor that diagnosed me..It has honestly been hard to deal with ever since. When I am in public and have to take my insulin I feel like a idiot or something with people starring at me while I give myself my shot :( I dont feel normal...my friends and family help me out tremendously...they just dont understand though and it makes it hard when they want and try to help me and I just want to scream cuase they dont understand what I am going through!!

>>>>  When I am in public and have to take my insulin I feel like a idiot or something with people starring at me while I give myself my shot

Eden Marie, when you are in public and have to take insulin, you don't have to do it front of everyone else.  Find a discreet spot.  Doesn't have to be a bathroom if you don't want to do it there (I do).  Go around the corner or in your car or behind a tree, whatever.  I am kindof a minority on here, but I almost never dose in front of anyone.  I'm not ashamed.  I just don't think it's anyone else's business.  Other people don't understand, so why push it?

i've been T1 for almost 5 years and i think only because i love food to much to not be able to skip it and i hate the feelings of a real high that keep me from doing what i know so many T1's do... but im learning to almost shut what everyone else opionions on my disease are and go one step at a time literally one foot in front of the other... one day at a time when you think about all the complications that can come from this joy of a disease it get horribly overwhelming and i tend to just shut down instead of taking better care of myself... so i go one test at a time one bolus at a time and befor i know it i made it through a whole day not going above 170 ... don't let yourself isolate yourself and think that only you can help yourself i've tried it and it doesn't work you get stuck in a rut and usually end up sick and sad and alone

i use to be like this but then i got to the point and decided everyone else can suck it! haha harsh but true this disease is apart of me and if people around me have enough guts to ask me whats up then good job for them but if their going to just stare and assume whatever may be thats their own issue i've found most people are just ignorant their intrigued but dont know how to go about asking what up! :)

Makes sense!! That helps for sure...There are not many people at all that I know that are T1 here at home so its nice to talk to people that know what I am going through!!

I've been T1 for almost 13 yrs.......one nmorning at a Denny's restaurant I was taking insulin before my food came......the waiter made a comment about illicit drug use. I stateed that it was insulin "you know- medicine!"

He said "Naw man, I'm cool I'm cool."

I have rarely wanted to hit anyone as badly as that morning.

thanks. :) I hope you do better also

sorry, that was to Meghann

Yep, Maus, I would get that. Thankfully I've never had someone think it was drugs but if I did, I would not be happy! :) one thing that does kinda amuse me though is my family/friends and I will just refer to blood sugar in that "I'm high" or "I'm low" so I have gotten some strange looks when I've said "i'm high" in public.