I was diagnosed at age 21 in 1999. I have been suffering wtih diabulimia since 2005 before I knew it even had a name. I do have a history of eating disorders suffering with them since 1991. I want to take better care of my diabetes... But I don't know where to begin... I have been suffering with this for too long that it has become a habit... I am so scared...
Hi, Lacy.
This may be a bigger problem than we can help you with here, but please know we will support you in every way we can. I am very, very happy you found Juvenation and decided to join and reach out to us. Welcome to the community :o)
Because you have a history of eating disorders, do you have a team (therapist, dietitian, doctor, etc.) you have worked with in the past that you are willing to go back to? If you don't, are you ready to reach out to the medical profession and start again? This is a larger problem than not just taking care of your diabetes. Eating disorders, diabulimia included, are rooted in the dissatisfaction in one's own body image. This is not just physical, but psychological as well. We can give you the friendship, and love, and support here, but because we are an online community we won't be able to provide you with everything you need.
Please know I am not a doctor so any advice I give to you is just coming from what I think might be helpful.
Do you have a diabetes doctor or do you have access to one? I think this could be an important first step for getting back on track. They can help you adjust insulin dosages, as well as run tests to see how the rest of your body is handling the extended high blood sugars. If you can, I would set up an appointment with one as soon as possible.
Do you do blood tests regularly? If you do - that's great! Keep it up! :o) If you don't, is this a small task you feel you can start doing? Maybe start with just one or two a day and slowly work your way up to more, at consistent times throughout the day. Blood testing will help you be aware of where your sugars are standing at that moment and if action needs to be taken. Because your body is used to having elevated blood tests, you may start to feel low at "normal" numbers. This is very common, but always keep low-BG supplies with you just in case you need them. It will take a bit for your body to get used to lower numbers again.
Another change you might consider making is to regularly test for ketones. While I don't know a lot about diabulimia, I am assuming the reason you were losing weight was because of ketones. These are dangerous and can cause long-term damage to the body if left untreated. If ketones are present, drink LOTS of water or calorie-free/caffeine-free beverages (they're the same was water). The fluid will help flush the ketones out of the system. Also, when ketones are present in the body, it takes more insulin than normal to lower the blood sugars. I can't tell you how much more, but I know I always have to extra insulin to bring my BGs back down to goal range.
Because you are on an insulin pump, it might be easier to begin to take insulin regularly. You can program the pump to deliver insulin at regular intervals, then you won't have to think about it as much. The biggest change with insulin (I'm guessing), will be remembering to take it with meals and snacks, and calculating the appropriate amounts. A doctor or CDE who is familiar with you (or at least your story) will be able to calculate your needs better than I can. Regularly taking your insulin will help bring your blood sugars down and you'll start to feel better. Eventually, once you are working on it for long enough, it will be like second nature to you and you won't think about it as much anymore.
There are lots of things we could go into about nutrition and nourishing your body back to health, but I think the things mentioned above are the most important right now. If you begin to see doctors or a team of specialists, they will help you out more in the nutrition area. Your body is craving attention right now, and it's time for you to help it out.
Again, we are here to help you in absolutely every way we can. I also just want to say that here, we think you are beautiful just the way you are. Everyone one of us has struggled with diabetes at some point. We can't tell you how happy we are that you found us. I am already extremely proud of you for reaching out for help. Keep coming back to us and let us know what we can do to help you. :o)
C
Lacy,
I was suffering from diabulimia for a long time as well, I guess I am still suffering because there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about skipping doses to lose weight. Before I got married was when I was at my worst. I knew it could potentially kill me and didn't care.
A first step I took was to see a therapist to help through my personal issues and why I was doing this. I learned to take baby steps in checking my blood sugars and taking my insulin, and the more I checked the better I felt. It takes work to get better Lacy, but you can do this! I never thought I would but, I feel better everyday. You need to take one day at a time it is all you can do.
By you talking about it right here you took your first step. We will hold your hand along the way. If you ever want to talk about it you can send me a private message by clicking my profile!
Hang in there! Hope this helps!
Gina
I am blown away by the courage that I have seen so far with Juvenation! It wasn't until yesterday (11/14/10: National Diabetes Day) that I actually learned the term "diabulimia" and it wasn't until then that I realized I was doing this VERY unhealthy act to my body all to lose a few extra pounds. My whole life I have struggled with food. I have been overweight and I have been at the brink of being underweight but it's not until recently that I discovered that I wasn't happy at either end of the spectrum! I thought, WOW I have a good thing here, a magic "get skinny quick" sceme here that most women only dream of.
Boy, have I been clueless! It is actually a scary thing to realize that you have any sort of problem at all. But it's reassuring to know that you are not alone! : ) Thanks to my newest friends for voicing your stories. I find comfort and encouragement in all of them!
Hi Lacey,
I had struggled with diabulemia for probably a decade. No matter what I did, exercising all the time, starving myself, I couldn't lose weight. The only thing I could do was to leave my blood sugars around 400-600 all the time for years. I had dka three times. Even after those ordeals, I still thought I would be okay. Then I developed proliferative retinopathy, proteinuria, and nerve damage all in my early twenties. It was a big wake up call; I was married and someday I hoped to have kids and I didn't want to cut my life short. After getting my A1C down from 14 to 6, I gained a ton of weight (almost 80lbs) but all of my complications have gotten a lot better. I wish I could have told myself in advance what I was doing to myself, but it took learning the hard way. If you need someone to talk to about this, I will be happy to help you. I didn't change overnight, I had a lot of reversals on my way to better health. I just thought long and hard that being skinny isn't the most important thing in life or the meaning of life. I'm pregnant now and having a healthy baby and being there to be a good mother are the things I value the most. I was unable to bring myself to talk to anyone about my problem at the time, but I think if it wasn't bottled up inside of me for so long, I could have fixed things a lot earlier to I hope you are able to find some comfort here on Juvenation. Good luck, and remember you aren't the only one out there with all of these feelings.
What good advice from everyone! I have also suffered with this, but didn't even know what it was until a couple of years ago. I was diagnosed when I was seven. I went from a skinny kid, to a chubby kid to a fat teenager. By the time I was 15, I couldn't stand the way I looked and was obsessed with losing weight. Nothing I did seemed to matter, from starving myself for days on end, to exercising to the point of exhaustion. On top of that, as I got older, my BG's got harder and harder to control until I just gave up. I stopped checking my BG's, I only gave myself shots sometimes, and I ate whatever I wanted. Low and behold, I got skinny! For some reason, I never connected the two things in my mind. All I knew was that I have having fun and not worrying about things for the first time in my life. Forget the fact that I was physically sick most of the time.
Over the next few years, I knew my diabetes was out of control and I would make sporatic attempts at getting my BG's under control. It seemed like every time I tried it got harder. Every time I tried, I also gained weight. Every time I got depressed, gave up, and lost weight again. Finally, a couple of years ago, with the help of my family, and my (now) husband, I have been trying to get healthy and NOT giving up. I do not know where the motovation came from except that I finally decided I did not want to die at a young age and I wanted to be healthy. I am still self concious about my body sometimes, but I now think that as long as I am trying my best to be fit, I will not be FAT.
For most of my struggle with this, I have not had decent insurance or doctors. I would say that after personal motovation, a good medical team is the most important thing. I know that financially, this is not always possible, but there is help out there if you are willing to do A LOT of work to find it. I was on SSI and Medi-Cal until very recently. At one point, I had to stay on a waiting list for YEARS before I was able to see the only endo in my county, but it was worth it. It took me almost as long to get to see a therapist. Every time I needed a pump, supplies for my pump, or anything else that I thought would help me gain control, it was a fight. I spent many many hours reading everything about diabetes. Books, magazines, internet. Many times I wanted to give up and go back to the easy life of not caring about my health. Why didn't I give up? Because for the first time in years, I actually felt good when my BG's were good. I was afraid to go back to the way I was. If I was trying this hard and felt like crap when my BG's were high, how did I even survive before when I was usually between 300-500?
Sorry this got so long, but I felt not so alone when I read the other posts, so I thought I could put mine up here as well. Don't give up Lacy. Everything in life takes effort, and the more effort you put into being healthy, mentally and physically, the better life gets.
CC
I know I am about a month late on this post.. but I, too, have been suffering from "diabulimia." I never had a history of eating disorders; it started my freshman year of high school. I am currently 24 and I go through phases.. sometimes, I will take really good care of myself, and other times, I give up and just stop injecting to lose weight. About a month ago, I weighed 170 pounds and currently, I weigh 160. I just don't feel like injecting because I don't want to gain weight. If my diabetes is under great control, my weight goes up. I also have Hasimoto's thyroiditis and depression, so I feel like I am really getting the short end of the stick. I haven't told my family or my doctor, because I know I'll either end up in a psych ward or the hospital.
There are lots of outpatient therapy places, Meghann, that can work with you on all three of your conditions as well as safe weight management. It is better to seek help for your problems than to ignore them. Not only can they create irreparable damage to your system, they take a toll on your mental health as well. Most eating disorders stem from emotional issues and self image concerns. Once you seek help, you may even notice your weigh concerns vanish.
There are lots of reasons for you to be in love with your beautiful self and body you have been given. Unfortunately, these are things everyone notices about you but yourself. I can give you many, many reasons why you are beautiful and why we here on Juvenation love you for exactly who you are, regardless of your weight. I can tell you many things. But unless you see them for yourself, what we tell you won't matter.
Please consider looking into helping yourself. While I'm not diabuilimic, I participated in a very intense 7-week outpatient program to help me deal with depression, diabetes, and alcoholism. While it consumed my life for an entire summer, I am in a far better place now than I was almost 5 years ago. I love myself for who I am and how I am today :o)
The first step is always the hardest one to take. Let us help you get there. We're more than willing to hold your hand the entire way :o)
Thank you all for your replies. I haven't been on here in over a year and things are still the same... I keep trying and then falling back. From Sep 12 - Nov 1, I checked my bg every day and gave boluses like I should. But I fell and know I'm back to the same thing. It's a habit and I feel and I can't break it.