Trying to do right

I have been diabetic since i was 3 yrs old now 27. I suck at this. I have never been able to control my bs and i want to so bad. I should have this under control i wish i did. any help? I gotta get this under control.

hi @sammons,

I have t1 since 1979, but I spent a very long time depressed. One of the things I used to do was negative self-talk. I had no idea at the time how destructive that was to do to myself and how it was part of the problems keeping me prisoner.

so I have a lot of experience…can I control my blood sugar - perfectly, all the time? heck no. am I a bad person because I get a 360 after I forget to take insulin… no again.

I had to do a lot of work on self-esteem, and a lot of thinking about how I hated the disease and wanted it gone, because everything that came out of that mindset was hurtful to me. I hope you have access to help. figuring out what’s in you own head takes time and patience and kindness. after this passes and if you want it, you will find acceptance.

things that help: do something nice for yourself, anything really - it’s harder than it sounds
help others, especially others with chronic illness or even diabetes, this really helps me
I bet you are pretty good at helping your friends - be a friend to yourself and use those feelings and the things you would do for a friend in need, for yourself.

and check back in. talking about it helps the most… a pain shared is half the pain. good luck.

This brings to mind what my Mom told me when I was 6 or 7, after being diagnosed at age 5:
"Everybody has problems of some kind. Some have a lot of headaches, some have upset stomachs, some have heart disease. YOU have diabetes, so you need to deal with it, full time and all the time."
This was the key to my survival, since in 1956 my assignment was to teach each doctor I came in contact with HOW to improve my treatment for Type 1 diabetes. I knew nothing at the start, and pretty much the doctors didn’t either, so we grew in knowledge together. Mom’s stoic philosophy didn’t leave me much time or energy to feel sorry for myself, I just had a different problem to handle as a part of my life from then on.
Of course Mom also did everything possible to support me in any way. We moved to another city when I was 7, and she heard that there was a new endocrinologist just opening an office there. She tried to get him to accept me as a patient, but he kept saying that he would accept Type 2 patients. She just kept calling for an appointment, showing up at his office and bugging him until he finally gave up and took me on ~1959. Then he spent 3 years trying every possible combination of insulins in use at the time, with poor to moderate results. Finally in 1962 he decided to try a whole different regimen: 2 DBI (aka Phenformin) pills taken with 2 slow acting Globin insulin (since dropped off the market) shots. I became a model patient with consistently great results, and 5 other difficult Type 1s in his practice did well with this scheme too.
To get back to why he didn’t want to take me on, we eventually found out WHY he became an endocrinologist, he had one at home, his daughter. Everybody involved was glad that Mom was so persistent.
Today we have so much technology to help us control our diabetes, and I still surprised that I’ve survived 61 year of TT1D with only minor foot neuropathy for complications.
In short, pitying yourself only makes things harder, and acceptance is a necessary feature of learning to work the situation out. Good luck, please keep reading here and in every other site or group that can possibly help you live with our common problem: Type 1 diabetes!

To get a basic understanding and simplistic view, I found the Diabetic Chalk Talks very informative. Link to first one below, there are 4 I believe.

CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor) or CGM with pump helps.
It requires some effort to train and use properly, but new technology is coming out this summer to make it better.
You did not post if you use a pump, CGM, or periodic insulin shots. I am sure you count carbs, but re-committing to get a grasp on sugars usually starts with an accurate food intake diary (everything you put in your mouth and when) and how much insulin you use and when. You should over do it measuring finger sticks during this diary period. Like as soon as you get up, before eating, 2 hrs after eating, bedtime, and perhaps once in middle of night. Seems like a lot, but it is only for a few days.
After several days to a week, take this information to your provider and have a discussion.
See if that helps…
Report back … so we know how you are doing!

GM Sammons,

I completely understand what you’re talking about. I’m 31, T1D since age 8. We’ve had time to undergo a ton of emotions and experiences. I spent probably 20 years blaming myself for these crazy blood sugars, so maybe what I have to say will help.

I was supposed to switch to the insulin pump before I dropped from my parents insurance (US Army), so I had to stick to the shots. I’d been between Lantus and Levemir for a while, being told that they were very similar. Notably, I’ve been taking Toujeo for several months now and it’s working like a charm! Sometimes the issue is the type of insulin we’re taking. On the old medications, my blood sugars never stayed down overnight and I always ended up sick at the gym trying to push for a long overdue workout with high blood sugar. I was on a very destructive self-blaming cycle for a long time, until I took some time to fast (in a healthy way as a T1D) and pray about it. Growing up, my family unknowingly taught me about “good” foods and “bad” foods, so I internalized it into my character in this way: If I eat good foods, my blood sugar will always be good and I will be a good person. If I eat bad food, my blood sugar will always be bad and I will be a bad person.

Obviously, reading this, it makes no sense. Your character has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not your sugar is high. It has to do with how you treat other people, for example, but a lot of times, the little lies we believe become the destructive mantras by which we live. Maybe there is something you’ve been believing that isn’t true. Here is a counter-truth to what I believed:

Everything effects my blood sugar.

-When I change jobs, my activity levels change, which effects my sugar.
-When I come down with a cold or the flu, my immune system is thrown off and trying to help me recover, therefore effecting my blood sugar.
-When my cycle comes around…
-When I have a migraine due to the bright sun…
-When summer is in full swing and it’s super hot outside…
-When I’m angry and I don’t think before I eat
-When I’m sad and I don’t think before I eat
-When I’m bored and subconsciously eat for entertainment because, let’s be honest, food is SOOOOOO good…

You get my point. I was taking responsibility for things that weren’t always my fault. Some of these things I can be more in control of, but some of them are truly beyond me. I can’t control the weather, I can’t control when migraines strike, I can’t control whether or not I get sick, so when my blood sugar spikes because of these factors, I learned to stop blaming myself. It wasn’t my fault. And now that I’m aware that I’m an emotional eater, I can be ware and take care of my mental health. I like to stay positive, I pray a lot, I avoid negative stimulators. I’ve learned, as someone else mentioned, to find the support of safe friends to talk to when I become depressed about having diabetes or any other issue of life.

In summary, here’s my advice: STOP taking responsibility for what you can’t control!! It’s not always your fault, my dear friend.

Us T1D’s can’t control every high and low blood sugar. That’s just facts. Something that is supposed to regulate for us doesn’t work anymore, but that doesn’t mean our lives have to stop. As for what we can control, we can do our absolute best. When we can’t handle the stress, we are allowed to be angry, sad, frustrated, or whatever, as long as we get right back up and keep fighting after we’re done.

I’d also talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling. Maybe (s)he can recommend a support group or counseling to help you cope better. Mental health effects physical health, too.

Keep fighting the good fight, friend. You’re not alone!

I forgot to mention that instead of binging on yummy foods that leave me feeling guilty, I’ve started to learn how to cook foods I like from different restaurants and cultures. I get to enjoy interesting meals and I can control what goes in it (and how much). I feel emotional and physically satisfied when I engage food this way, if that makes sense.