I've been with my husband for 6 1/2 years (married for 6 months) and he is amazingly supportive of me and my diabetes. He understands both the medical and practical side of it and helps me without being pushy or overbearing. He knows what to do to help me when I'm low, but doesn't worry too much about me and ask what my numbers are all the time. He is really good at waking me up in the middle of the night when my CGM is beeping like crazy and I sleep right through it. He has been to one endo appointment with me and I think he's going to go to my next one in a couple weeks.
I have a second cousin with T1 and he basically has horrible control. He was recently hospitalized for dehydration (I think from having the flu). His wife found him unconscious on the couch. He was so dehydrated that they couldn't get any blood from a finger poke. When they drew a vile of blood, they found that his BG was over 1,000 mg/dl. He isn't on a pump and isn't consistent with checking himself, and supposedly his wife isn't helpful at all. He says that it's "his disease" and that she shouldn't have to worry about him/it. This story is so unbelievable to my husband and I and makes me feel very fortunate to have somebody who cares enough to help me when I need it!
Sometimes it's hard to communicate just what kind of support you need. I don't think it's fair to make your husband/wife a "caretaker", but we definitely need their support.
They have to balance being a cheerleader ("you can do it", "you got it!") to being a tough-love coach ("well, i know you don't want to do it anymore but you HAVE to. So that's that.") with a therapist ("i'm so sorry about your bad a1c, what can you do to make your next one better?") . I think you'll find some people are better at 1 role than another but, for me at least, a good partner would be able to put on all those different hats at the right time.
I've been with my boo for 2.5 years and he's learned a lot. He used to start eating right when we sat down for dinner, when I would still be testing my blood sugar. I used to be not a great tester when I was around him, I felt like I was "behind" because he would start eating so I wouldn't test. I had to tell him at some point "I'm trying to get better control and that means testing more, when you start eating without waiting for me to test... it really bothers me. Maybe it's silly but can you just stall the 10 seconds it takes so we can start together?" Now he waits and it feels like his quiet support. It's kind of a silly detail, i could see some diabetics not caring, but it was important for me and he understands that.
He never asked me if I've checked but sometimes he'll ask if it's a good number. And he's great at catching my lows and making sure I get something sweet to eat. He asked for sugar tabs to keep at his house, which was very thoughtful. The most important thing is that he listens when I have a bad day and want to complain about having a chronic disease, he understands that it's a bigger part of my life than either of us expected (i've only had d for 5 years, still learning). I wouldn't want him to ever be my caretaker, but I do need him to be my support.