Damn Emotions!

I want to apologize first, if this doesn’t make any sense, I’ve never been the type to talk about my feelings. Anyway i was diagnosed a couple months ago, and i was completely blindsided because there is no history of this disease on either side of my family. The night i was emitted and diagnosed, i saw how lost and broken my family where. So despite whatever i was feeling at that moment i tried to maintain positive, i thought “i can do this, just need to take more precautions and be less impulsive, but i can do it”.
As time has passed, i just don’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t notice it before until my sister made a comment that ever since i was diagnosed, I’m moody and every one agreed. I never intend to come off as angry/rude, but i get so overwhelmed when everyone is on me about not taking care of myself appropriately because i don’t eat more vegetables or because i like to drink. I’ve never been a #1 fan of vegetables but I’m trying to be more open. When it comes to drinking, i know my limits. I don’t get blackout drunk and im always checking my sugar. Every time i go out, i carry a protein bar, just in case i drop. I know it comes from a place of concern because of how much they love me and don’t want to see me hospitalized. But, i’m not going to lie and say their comments don’t hurt, they make me feel like I’m not taking care of myself. I’ve tried to explain to them that i am and that my doctors even congratulated me with how quickly i adapted, how i managed to keep my numbers and A1C within range. All these emotions make me feel like I’m all over the place. Sometimes i feel a little lost, disoriented of sorts because I’m trying to do this all on my own. My family supports me as much as they can but i try not to tell them a lot because i can see how helpless they get when I’m too low/high. I feel like I’ve placed an unnecessary burden on them. Another thing, I’ve become so emotional. Sometimes i just suddenly get the urge to cry, for no particular reason and then i feel guilty. There’s people battling incurable diseases and here i am crying for something that can be managed.

@isabeili hi Bells,

having had my battles with depression I do get it. everyone has to go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance before they get to the other side. IMO, trying to stuff emotions gets you stuck and you can stay stuck for years if you don’t process the grief of loss of good health.

I urge you to talk to someone like a therapist, to talk about it keeps you moving. don’t be like me, stuck in depression for a decade and losing that much more of my life.

so here’s my 2 cents: if you wanna cry cry, if you want to break something break it. if you want to be angry be angry. if you need to tell everyone to *** off then do it., get it out and put it all on the table. if you don’t have a table then put it here. I won’t tell you not to be sad or angry because I am dealing with this every minute of every day too.

the 1 thing diabetes actually gave me is the will to get over myself because it was either that or, for me, die…

@isabeiligreat advice!!! I wish I had that very right and could just talk when needed or scream
When needed or throw things when needed. I’ve held mine in for over 30 years. And no one supports me dealing with it or getting it all out. It’s the exact opposite- family members fuss or say I’m crazy if I even try to talk about it. Much less anything else. For goodness sake no one will even go to conferences or appointments with me to learn about my disease. It’s all very discouraging.
Thank you for your advice. I wish we all had a way to ‘get it out’.

Dear Bells, I am not diabetic so I can’t relate to how you feel but as a mother of a 5 year old T1 I do get some of it. I watch her go through mood swings from tearful, hateful,behavior issues from the highs/lows she experiences daily. There is no family history in our family either . Family is real good at telling you what you should or shouldn’t do but they don’t have the time to get educated by attending appointments with us either or making comments like should she eat that? Yes if she wants it She can have it!! I just have to count the number of carbs and give insulin for it. Just remember you are not alone regardless of how lonely you may feel. We are here for you and anyone else needing reassurance and strength for this disease. Keep standing strong and tall.

Thank you for the reassurance and encouragement!!! It’s so hard to deal with ‘know it all’ family members who are quite ignorant about our disease. And it’s nit just family, society in general is that way. We simply have to educate ourselves and try to ignore everyone else. I’ve become so isolated that I don’t expose myself to people so they can’t be hurtful to me.
You’re a good mother! Always stand up for your baby. I wish someone had done the same for me
When I was a young kid with t1d. Merry Christmas!!!

Carolyn, I hope I replied to your comment and not just a general reply…